I'm feeling down...If you care, can you read my situation and advise me on my problem?

Question

I want to change the akward relationship I have with my moms side of the family. I love them very much, but we have different views of the world. Whenever I visit them (once in a year or every two years), I completely lose who I am, I fall apart, get depressed, I stutter, I'm silent at times, I don't make sense, lose my confidence, feel and say unintelligent things, become blind, think about death. Why is that? When I'm home, I'm completely normal. I don't have any of these problems. I'm as happy as can be. Even now that I'm in college, I still feel like this. Why can't I get over it? They're into their tradition, I'm not. They believe in god, I don't. They probably think that since I'm majoring in music, I must be as stupid as hell. I don't want them to dislike me because of who I am, so I'll block them first. Please, don't advise me to see a psychologist.
Today they all called in to say "Happy Birthday" I love them, but I get this horrible feeling in my stomach when they all contact.

MERCI SETAREH

It's just that when I talk to my cousins, who are around my age, it feels very uncomfortable. They love me. I never felt like I was like them in anyway, except that we have similar physical features.

I didn't mean to say hell. A habit of mine. I use to believe in these things. Just a habit, Signer.

You people are wonderful with your advice. I greatly appreciate it. Thank You.

Hairdvs, I did face emotional abuse in the past which sometimes makes me interpret things the wrong way. Those experiences are part of my life. This is one of the reasons I am sensitive.

Answer 1

i had the same problem with my mothers family too!
i never had a good relationship with my mum and i was always feeling like i was being judged by her and her side of the family, and it was like they disapproved of everything i done or achieved i felt nothing i ever done was good enough!
my main problem with my mum and me was that she didnt like the relationship i had with my dad.
my mum died last year before i gave birth to my first son and it was really hard for me when i think i could have made a better effort.

i'm not saying u need to make an effort i think that if u are majoring in music you are doing a great job u are doing great!

if u are happy at home show your family your a happy, by joining in on conversations write to them once in a while or call them tell them how you have been and wish them well.

if you can just be happy and make them feel you are glad to see them u might find that they will open up a bit more and they might not seem they are judging you!

now that my mum is gone i make an effort every now and then to visit them more often and write and it takes a load off my chest.
they are family and you shouldnt feel so bad and closed in.
go to whoever u feel closer to and ask them if they are disappointed in you! tell them u feel uncomfortable and you don't like feeling that way! it might help.

i dont think you need to see a therapist or psychologist, if you can talk to your family and it helps thats all you need.

believe me i know how u feel i could never feel myself around my family since the age of 10 when my parents divorced now i am 24 a mother and very happy with my life and my family.

good luck i hope i helped u a little and you know you are not the only one....

hope you had a good christmas and have a good, happy and safe new year!
keep looking after your self.

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel. For many years I felt the same way with my dads side of the family. We all look alike but I felt like we had nothing in common, like you I would get really quiet and feel like I was behaving different than normal and I didn't like this.

I have gotten over this because I now don't have anything to do wtih that side of the family for a huge transgression (on thier part - relating to a death and the ransacking of an estate, but no details on that...) . My holidays are so much nicer!!

The only comfort I can offer is that at least you only see or hear from them once a year. We don't get to pick our families and hopefully you have friends who share your values that you feel comfortable with. What I used to do when I had to see my family was schedule a day or evening with a really tight friend for the next day so they could lift me back up and get me back on track.

I would also have a glass or two of wine when I was with my family to take the edge off, and just make a huge effort to smile and be agreeable for the short time I was with them. With a couple of my uncles, this was really really hard, hence the wine.

Happy Holidays!

Answer 3

It sounds like you have been abused either emotionally or otherwise. I know you said nix to a psychologist but the problems you describe are greater than the help you can get here. Try writing in a journal. If you won't talk to someone to get the benefit of thinking out loud, a journal can help you think clearly. You might be surprised at some of your thoughts but until you confront the real reasons for your fears they will not go away. And just because you feel fine when your away from them doesn't mean the issues don't manifest themselves in other ways. You get sick when you hear from them or have to spend time with them because of fear. Only you, and possibly they know what would cause such discomfort but ignoring it is not the answer. It's worth it to confront the bad stuff because being well is better than you can imagine.

Answer 4

Always try to help a friend in need


Believe in yourself


Be brave...but it's ok to be afraid sometimes


Study hard


Give lots of kisses


Laugh often


Don't be overly concerned with your weight, it's just a number


Always try to see the glass half full


Meet new people, even if they look different to you


Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless


Take lots of naps..


Be weird whenever you have the chance


Love your friends, no matter who they are


Don't waste food


RELAX


Take an occasional risk


Try to have a little fun each day.
...it's important


Work together as a team


Share a joke with friends


Fall in love with someone..


...and say "I love you" often


Express yourself creatively


Be conscious of your appearance


Always be up for surprises


Love someone with all of your heart


Share with friends


Watch your step


It will get better


There is always someone who loves you more than you know


Exercise to keep fit


Live up to your name


Seize the Moment


Hold on to good friends; they are few and far between


Indulge in the things you truly love


Cherish every Sunday


At the end of the day... PRAY


....... and close your eyes

And smile at least once a day!

Answer 5

First things first. You must work on two things. Confidence and boundaries. The first is much easier said than done. But if one is truly comfortable with who they are, others opinions carry far less weight. The second is a matter of basic decency. As a college student (and presumably an adult), you are entitled to form your own opinions. Now, that does not mean to shout " I'm an atheist!" loud and proud at your strict catholic(or whatever) parents formal christmas dinner, then just sit back down and expect no one to challenge it. But it is perfectly respectful for adults to lay down certain ground rules. I know many people that as a rule NEVER discuss politics,sex or religion. There are as many taboos among people as there are anything else. Taboos can become non-productive, but theyhave their place. A simple phone call to wish you a happy birthday really shouldn't be that stressful. If you try to set some boundaries and do not find them respected time after time you may have to consider limiting or cutting off contact with these family members. For me, my closest family is friends. They are who I spend my holidays with. I hope that helps, happy holidays, haniels_host

Answer 6

I think it's very common to feel uncomfortable around people in general that have drastically different views of everyday life and how differently people can deal with everyday occurrences. A person usually wants to be open-minded to other peoples points of view but sometimes it runs across your grain of how you personally feel with what's going on and you start feeling overwhelmed with the uncomfortableness of the situation. Being able to speak your voice will improve how others view you and they will reluctantly see what you expect, however it can be difficult to do that. Some individuals just need more space. People can be different, very different and that's not a bad thing it's what makes this world so interesting. Try researching personality traits, and you'll see that you are very normal for the type of temperament you are accustomed to.

Answer 7

It seems such as you're eating something that's no longer agreeing with your abdomen and is coming up distinctive gasoline/wind or bloating. or you have got a noisy digestive gadget. yet whilst it has in basic terms been occurring in the final 6 months then what has replaced in this time? even in the adventure that your nutrition plan hasnt replaced - has the rest on your existence replaced? Digestion and thoughts can impact one yet another. attempt to consume undeniable meals - fantastically decrease out on any bread, cereal and milk in basic terms for some days or so. and notice if issue improves. some issues like peanut butter even could make your abdomen do this. Drink water. Definately see your scientific expert and clarify it. It sounds like this is upseting you so make certain you spot a doctor. it ought to be a very easy factor. I choose you all the main suitable. My prayers are with you. :)

Answer 8

Please, do what I did & get professional help. I waited a long time & paid a dear price for it. Whatever is going on in your mind concerning these relatives, your serious symptoms will only get worse until the problem is brought to the surface & dealt with. You are NOT crazy, since your symptoms occur only in their company. It sounds like you COULD be experiencing a form of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome occurring from something one or more of them did to you in the past. It could also be something else entirely, but it does appear to be related to them in some way.

Until you have an idea of what is causing these feelings, I would strongly suggest staying away from them. And rather than see a psychiatrist for medications, I would first seek psychotherapy as a way to probe your mind. It is generally cheaper, more effective, & more "insurance friendly" also. Your college should have a counseling service to get you started. Please don't put it off; it only gets worse when we do.

This advice helped me tremendously. I no longer "leave the room" in these situations. I still have problems, but they are much more manageable because of the insights I gained. And my ghosts from that part of my family were put to rest years ago. Good luck.

Answer 9

Honestly, you have to become comfortable enough with who you are to be able to say, "Even if they don't like me, it doesn't change the fact that I'm a valuable person. We don't see eye to eye, but that doesn't change who I am."

The problem isn't in what they think of you, it's what you think of yourself. And I don't mean that harshly...I turn 30 in April and I'm just now figuring this out for myself. Their opinions of you will continue to bother you until you realize your own self worth. I've experienced the same thing for years - I'm also in music, btw, and it hasn't been until recently that all of that has stopped mattering - I can finally see that they love me anyway (even if we don't relate) because I'm getting to the place where I actually like who I am.

You are who you are, and you're human. You're smart and you'll work on the things that you know you need to change, and the rest...well, you are who you are and you're that way for a reason. If you look closely, they've got their own issues, I'm sure.

Hope this helps...

Answer 10

You say you do not believe in God, yet you feel stupid as hell. If you don't believe in God why do you believe in hell?

I'm not being a smart aleck, but the reason that you feel the way you do around them is because you fear
they may be right in their belief.

If they are wrong and their is no God, they lose nothing for their belief, and gain the satisfaction of having faith in God.

If they are right, they gain everything and you lose everything.

You are being pulled two ways. both by Satan and by the Holy Spirit. But the Holy Spirit will only try to call you for short time. At one pint you will reject him once to often and then he will back away and Satan wins everything. God gave us the free will to chose his way or Satans way. The coice is ours to make.

If you will go to Koinonia House on line. You will find many many proofs of the existence of God. Don't back away until you have proven to yourself that there truly is no God.

I'll pray for you. One saved soul was worth Jesus dying on the cross for. That is how much he loves us. Get a king James Bible and read the book of John.