My husband and I have been married for 2 years now, (on christmas eve) but have been together for 6 years all together, My son who is 25 yrs old, his dad passed away when he was 18, but he never had a relationship with his real dad. My husband goes all out for my son, and my son treats him like ****. My son came over this year for christmas and brough something for everyone else, but not for my husband. My husband was very hurt by this but didn't say a thing, and I didn't notice because I was busy trying to deal with everything going on, (I was making breakfast while entertaining the family too and opening gifts as well.) When my husband told me what happened I was heart broken, but this is not the first year my son has done this. Should I confront my son and if so, what should I say? My son has also (since he has gotten married) treated me like crap too, like his wife is the world and I am garbage. This all hurts me, but not sure how to handle this. Please Help!!!!!
2006-12-25 15:31:42 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my son's real father was never in his life, (his choice not mine, I encouraged him to be a part of his life, his father chose not be to)
I have no problem with my son having a life of his own, in fact, I applaude how well he has done with his life. And he makes very good money so that is not the issue at all. My son, does not like my husband and has told me this to my face, so I know how he feels, my point is, my son needs to accept that I have a life and that life is with my husband, and like it or not, he should still treat my husband with a little respect and a simple little gift would not hurt his pocket book and wouldn't kill him to be nice one day out of the year. I have talked to my son about this, and he said he would deal with my husband, but that he didn't have to like him, I agreed, and don't push the issue.
My son has his life and I accept that. So that is not even the problem, and no empty nest problems here. JFYI, thought this might help.
2006-12-25 15:59:04 · update #1
I feel your son should have bought something even if it was a small gift I think your son is having a hard time dealing with his father being goneYou should sit an talk with him in private about his feelings and yours good luck I hope you all can work this out Merry Christmas and God bless Will keep your family in my prayers
2006-12-25 15:38:10 · answer #1 · answered by corkscrew62816 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your feelings. if he had no feeling for his real dad then what to expect for his new dad. From whatever you are saying it seems he is basically selfish( please dont mind as u are a mother) and self centered. he must have been hurt some long time back and wants to get even with you. The first thing you do is ignore all his tantrums, he is purposely doing this to attract attention. Dont show that you and your husband is hurt.If he has a problem he will have it everywhere. He will pay more to his wife just to displease you. Avoid at any cost to say anything against his wife even if she is a ****. You are a mother dont stop loving no matter what he says and does only love with brains can cure all ills. he knows how you react to his talks and deeds, so give him a surprise let him start guessing . Praise his wife she has the key now. Anyway he lives away from you, your problem would have been multifold if he was living with u and his wife. I hope you have not scolded him about the way he did at christmas. Dont react show as if nothing has happened. I understand that u r more hurt for yr husband than for yourself. Apologise to your husband on behalf of yr son atleast he will feel better. dont tell anybody what he did. Infact tell the people around him including his wife how you enjoyed his company at christmas and how everybody enjoyed. You Should never scold him in public or in front of others only scold him in private. this will give him confidence about his mother and when he has confidence he will definately improve. keep calling him ocasionally and enquire about his and his wife's well being and dont feel hurt or shout at him on telephone even if he hurls insults as this is begining when u dont react he will slow down. he is going to be a father someday he will know. You are the Mother only you have the power to forgive him. All the best to you & Merry christmas
2006-12-26 00:23:02 · answer #2 · answered by Shriram M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even the holidays to take a break from rudeness - goodness.
You know you cannot force a 25 yr- old to do what you think he should do. He's an adult now. Seems to me that he's angry because you mom went and got married. Well, that is just too bad. He just has to learn to deal. Honestly dear, his wife should be the world to him now, still he has to treat you with respect.
Make your holiday brighter by over looking your sons rudeness. When the time comes, the holidays are over have a little chat with him about boundaries and above all respect, I wouldn't bring that gift thing up though you'll only end up in a huge unnecessary fight.
2006-12-25 23:43:10 · answer #3 · answered by Laela (Layla) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one. I am sorry for the heartache you are experiencing because of your son right now. Sounds like he has a lot of hurt built up on the inside and needs some professional help in dealing with it. A lot probably stems from being treated badly by his father and also as a result of his death. There is nothing you can do about it though.....this part is up to him.
You can however talk to him about his behavior toward you and your husband. Tell him how you feel and I would tell him that you love him but that he is not welcome back into your home until his behavior changes. You do have control over how you are treated in your home. Good luck.
2006-12-25 23:42:25 · answer #4 · answered by Edisto 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so sad that your son had to go and act like that. I think you should say something to your son. That was a very hurtful thing to do, and it was deliberate. I would approach the matter truthfully - tell him that your husband does not deserve that and that he needs to include your husband from now on. Tell him you are a package deal and he needs to come to terms with it. And until your son comes around, I'd tell hubby to stop going all out for him.
2006-12-25 23:44:29 · answer #5 · answered by Jenny A_331 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult situation and I'm sorry your family is dealing with this. I think you may want to bring this up with your son, but perhaps to "confront" him isn't the proper way to do so. Obviously something is going on with him. Maybe you should gently ask him how he feels about his step father and try to get to the root of the issue rather than simply coming at him. I hope you can work this out.
2006-12-25 23:36:35 · answer #6 · answered by glitterprincess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let him make that choice, if he doesn't want to get him a gift, that's his choice, if he doesn't like him, honestly there is nothing you can say that will change his mind. Maybe in time he'll change his opinion of him, maybe not but by trying to push the issue, it'll only make matters worse. About your son's wife and the way he treats you over her, well that has to hurt your feelings,
but would you want him to treat her like crap over you? That would cause alot of marital problems. He should have some respect for everybody but maybe he has his own issues to resolve and that'll be done in his time I guess. Good luck, I hope it gets better for you all.
2006-12-26 01:44:06 · answer #7 · answered by frustrated 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd confront him with his offensive behavior. How blatanly cruel he is. I'd tell him if he didn't straighten up and accept his step father in your life and treat the two of you with some respect, that he was not welcome in your home.
I'd confront him, I sure wouldn't put up with this type of treatment from him or anyone for that matter.
I'd demand that he apologize or else just stay the hell out of your lives forever.
If my son did this to his step mother, I wouldn't just talk, I'd beat his butt for disrespecting my wife. Sounds like he has some problem with showing respect. He's probably done other things to disrespect your husband in the past that your husband hasn't mentioned to you.
Some children tend to become selfish & down right rotten and through no fault of their parents. It's what society is turning the majority of them into these days.
It's the "In" thing to do to hurt your parents. They think it's "Oh so Cool".
Definately confront him with his behavior, or would you like me to do it for you. Don't buy, or give this asshole another gift until he presents a good attitude and show's respect.
2006-12-26 06:02:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't care how old my children may be, if they ever treat me like crap they can bet I will speak my mind to them about it. If I had a husband that went all out for them and treated them like they were his own and they excluded him, I'd tell my kids that same person that they are disrespecting is the same person that picked up what their father threw on the floor and this is how they thank him? And don't get any funny ideas about telling me anything, they know I'm not afraid of them.
2006-12-26 00:04:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son needs to get into therapy to resolve his issues.
He most likely is treating his step dad like crap because he feels guilty. It is like betraying his real father even though he did not have a relationship with his real dad. Something deep down in him wished he could and he can't let go of it.
He will come around as he matures. But therapy will help
As for treating you like crap. Confront him about it. He may be upset due to the fact your relationship with his dad didn't work out and now he is dead. He has unresolved childhood issues.
Or give him his space for a while. wait until he calls.
2006-12-25 23:46:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋