Don't comment if your going to say something mean.
I want to change the akward relationship I have with my moms side of the family. I love them very much, but we have different views of the world. Whenever I visit them (once in a year or every two years), I completely lose who I am, I fall apart, get depressed, I stutter, I'm silent at times, I don't make sense, lose my confidence, feel and say unintelligent things, become blind, think about death. Why is that? When I'm home, I'm completely normal. I don't have any of these problems. I'm as happy as can be. Even now that I'm in college, I still feel like this. Why can't I get over it? They're into their tradition, I'm not. They believe in god, I don't. They probably think that since I'm majoring in music, I must be as stupid as hell. I don't want them to dislike me because of who I am, so I'll block them first. Any comments? Please, don't advise me to see a psychologist.
2006-12-25 15:30:55 · 5 answers · asked by >mjd 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Today they all called in to say "Happy Birthday" I love them, but I get this horrible feeling in my stomach when they are all around.
2006-12-25 15:37:31 · update #1
These visits last about a month.
2006-12-25 15:51:03 · update #2
You are making things hard and awkward by not being who you are when are around your mom's relatives. Stop feeling out of place and stop hiding your true idenity. When you go to these get together let them know what's going on in your world so they can get to know the real you. JUST BE YOURSELF! You may be very surprised of their willing and readiness of acceptance. You must learn to treat all people with equal respect, yet you dont have to go down to their level or up to their level to feel fixed in...that's being a phony and from what you have described above about your mind and emotions you arent good at being a phony. So just be you-somebody will love you for who you really are. Isnt that less stressful?!
2006-12-25 16:00:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hahaha, sorry, it's funny because I have a similar problem...there's two ways that I have found to get over this:
1) If you can drink around them, go for it. Now that pretty much everybody's of age, we all drink and forget that we're so different.
or
2) Get over it. Talk to them when you're around them, be friendly. It's not easy but don't be a self-defeatist. Don't think they look down on you b/c if they're being friendly and saying "I love you" they can't really think you're a numbskull. If you're in to music, offer to play (an instrument) or sing (if you do vocals), and as family I'm sure they wouldn't mind listening to what you have to offer. You could say "Hey, I learned this new way to do ____ at college. Would ya'll be interested in hearing it?" At the least, you're killing time, right? Hope that helps and good luck!
2006-12-25 15:46:41 · answer #2 · answered by That Guy! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how long these visits last. A day, a week? Or more? You need to find out what your tolerance level is for these people, and then leave BEFORE you start having negative feelings about yourself. It takes time to develop a strong sense of who you are, many years in fact. Don't resent them for who they are; it's what they know how to be. For all you know they might feel inferior to you because it sounds like you have talent. People who feel inferior to others often act the opposite to compensate for those feelings of insufficiency. My final advice: spend as little time as possible with them, and remember that the day will come when you'll choose what amount of time feels comfortable to you, or maybe you won't see them at all. It's your life and your choice.
2006-12-25 15:47:53 · answer #3 · answered by Chatelaine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are just not used to having them around thats why u feel like this.in fact this is completely normal for lots of people i get like that too, all awkward when i visited relatives. what u need to do is just relax, be nice and smile to them. maybe u worry too much that they dont think nicely of ya, but if u are nice to them of course they will love ya back even if u think ur different from them. i got my first lesson from my older brother, he is such a character. before this i always feel that in order for me to truly belong in the family i have to be like my sister whose so talkative and popular with all the uncles and cousins..but that doesnt work becuz im naturally shy who prefers one to one interactions rather than group communications. then few years back i overheard the older relatives talking about my brother and how much they admire him which actually shocked me because to me he is almost nonexistant in the family circle always just staying at the kitchen or yard helping wiht the chores, quietly .
ok im sorry im just trying to make a point here that you dont have to worry about things that u do not have control over. just be yourself and treat them with respect and love and thus even if u dont become mr.popular in the family its ok u just have to relax and enjoy their presence while it last...
2006-12-25 15:59:52 · answer #4 · answered by aishah 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am confuse about your question. Yes, I think you need to change yourself because you couldn’t change the other people the way they are. Start with love them anyway the way they are, and don’t dwell on them in the negative way.
2006-12-25 16:04:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋