What should I do? We love each other more than anything.
I have been unhappily married for 23 yrs.
2006-12-25 14:39:40 · 34 answers · asked by greeneyes 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
do the right thing and be fair with your spouse. divorce. the right way. i am sure your daughter already knows your unhappy.
2006-12-25 14:43:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
I what to say this as gently as possible because I want you to know I am really wanting to help you. First of all the foundation that you're building this relationship on is built on lies and decent. Im assuming you have kept this from your husband. Sounds alot like lust not love. Question, how do you stay in a marriage for 23 yrs unhappy. Its one thing to leave cause you're unhappy but because you think the grass is greener your new relationship is doomed from the start. Then their's the issue of being married for 23 yrs and jumping into a another relationship is simply not a good thing for you. You need time to find out who you are. When I was single I learned something very important and that was to never go into a relationship if you unhappy thinking a another person can make you happy, humans don't have that ability.You have to be happy with yourself first and they that person can enhance your already happy situation. I ask you to seriously ask yourself what impression do you think this is going to have on your twelve yr. old daughter about commitment, marriage and interity. Im not telling you to stay in your marriage but you seriously need to take a look at what you are doing and how this seems to be all about YOU and not how your daughter or husband are going to be devasted by your actions. Sorry if this came off harsh much love.
2006-12-25 15:07:44 · answer #2 · answered by spirit2 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Every person has different opinions.
You need first to know what makes you unhappy and if there is any option to fix your marriage, you try and work it out for your peace of mind.
If things does not work out, then leave your husband but be sure that this other guy is exactly what you expect to be, get to know him better and better.
You can be a GREAT mother still and your daughter will understand you if you divorce. The fact that you want to move on does not mean that you can't educated your daughter or take care of her.
But I will suggest you, to give some respect to the situation, what I mean is do not jump from one guy to another, give yourself sometime to adjust and to let your daughter to adjust too. If that new guys really loves you, he will support and understand your decision.
You don't have to stay in a marriage that does not work neither living unhappy... Life and real love comes only once.
I hope this help you. Communicate with your daughter but never tell her is cause a new guy..NO YET, as I told you, take some time that you will need alone.
Take care.
2006-12-25 21:32:12 · answer #3 · answered by getting_a_new_life 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you should do is be realistic. Anytime a man fools around with another man's wife, that makes him a low life, a coward, and a home wrecker. He's not the knight in shining armour that you think he is. A real man would be involved with a single woman. What's going to happen when the lust between you two wears out? Are you going to find another new love of your life? Marriage is for better or worse. However, it doesn't have to be for the worst. You didn't mention what has made you so unhappy in your marriage, but it's not anything that can't be worked on. Have you and your husband tried marriage councelling or going on a marriage retreat for the major problems you're having. Have you thought about talking to a mediator. Marriage is not a contract, marriage is a covenant not to be broken. You're making a huge mistake if you divorce your husband for the sole purpose of getting with this other guy. A relationship built on lies, deceit, disrespect, lust, empty promises, and selfishness (and this is what you have with this guy) will not last long. Think about the example you're setting for your daughter carring on with this guy. Deep down inside you know the grass is never greener. All you'll find is a bunch of weeds.
2006-12-25 16:37:28 · answer #4 · answered by merry59 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you want to do? Is divorce an option? Is your new love available?
Your child needs you during early adolescence. Make sure your daughter's needs are met first and foremost. You will never regret all your other actions if you keep a straight head and handle your parental responsibilities.
Stay on top of school and after school activities. Encourage education and good healthy relationships. You are a strong role-model right now. You need to be sure you are not making a major mistake that is going to influence the way your daughter feels about you for the REST of her life.
If you are proceeding in a responsible way and this new love relationship is something worth keeping then take the necessary steps. Counselling, divorce, remarriage.
Anything else, and maybe it is just a mid-life crises fling or sexual obsession. Only you know how healthy this new relationship is and what sacrifices you need to make.
Take care of your daughter first. Everything else is secondary and should fall in place.
Good Luck!
C-F
2006-12-25 14:50:19 · answer #5 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have been unhappily married for so long, you owe it to yourself to end the marriage and be with the one you does make you happy. Your daughter will probably be hurt with the divorce, but she will get over it. Being with someone just for the sake of your children is never a good idea. You have to do what's right for you. It sounds like the new person you've found love with is right for you. Best of luck!
2006-12-25 14:53:02 · answer #6 · answered by Jenny A_331 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Does it really seem fair to your husbund? Living with him, regretting it all? It's all your choice, it's going to be hard, because you have only have one life.
You can choose to stay:
(1) You would be unhappy, and your love would be unhappy, and possibly your husbund would be unhappy
(2) Your daughter (having grown up in all this) will misunderstand the concept of "Happy Marriage" and it may cause her to marry to a man she does not love
(3) You would be wasting your time, as well as your husbunds'
Or you can leave:
(1) You would be happy for the most part
(2) Your exhusbund would behappy, and maybe your daughter
(3) Your daughter would be confused on marriage, and will, for several years in her life, date possibly abusive or men that will only waste her time until she realizes what she needs.
It's all your choice, either way someone gets hurt.
2006-12-25 15:08:10 · answer #7 · answered by who_is_audrey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
most times mothers always put their children's happiness and well-being before their own. Often times you tend to think that it's always best to do what is expected from you, and try to fit into people's expectations, thinking it's for the best of everyone, and especially for the ones you love the most.
DON'T stay married to a person you're not happy with!
You lie to him, you lie to your daughter, and what's more, you lie to yourself this way! You might think that's the right thing to do but it is not right at all for it's not even real.
Going back to the first paragraph I wrote,
no, being somebody you're not is not the right thing.
I can imagine how you'd feel i this situation, thinking that what you're doing is terribly wrong to your husband, and to your child, but I know one thing, you can't trigger love somewhere it is not present, and you can't make it disappear where you have it.
I don't know if your husband loves you and treats you right, and if he does, that makes it even harder for you to leave him, but if for 23 years you were always unhappy with him, be fair with him, and with yourself, and split. Your kid is not blind, nomatter what you might have been trying to do home to pretend you're happily married, I'm pretty sure she knows you're not.
I don't know you, or any of your family, but I suspect one reason you havent been happily married might be that you didnt talk and share enough with your husband, which made the two of you strangers to e.o.
Anyway, that's my advise, and I really hope for you to find out what's best and to be very happy in the end.
Good luck!
2006-12-28 11:34:09 · answer #8 · answered by Stella86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely are going to get a lot of slack for this question. But remember whatever you get for advice you are the one that has to live with your decision. I would suggest talking this over with a very good friend who knows your situation or even a counselor for a real honest answer. 23 years is a long time not to be happy ... life is too short & I think in time your daughter will understand. Just make sure that you are honest and true to yourself. Good luck!
2006-12-25 14:44:41 · answer #9 · answered by help1972 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if u were truly unhappy for the entire 23 yrs. why did u stay. when people meet someone new, they villify their entire marriage, magnify the falts of the spouse, and look to the new found love as the answer to it all. the new woman will show u all good, and never show u her true self until u leave your wife, than maybe u will see u have the same woman as u left. if your not happy and haven't been may have more to do with how u feel about yourself than anything.
2006-12-25 15:13:12 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Read your question.. What would you write back to the person who would write that?
If you are not happy for 23 years wouldn't it be time to move on and be happy? I assume if you haven't been happy for that long then your hubby has not been happy either. Talk to him, honestly and openly. I am sure if you are both not happy the best thing for both of you, and your daughter would be to move on. It not only takes a toll on you and your hubby, but also the daughter!
2006-12-25 14:44:24 · answer #11 · answered by CJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋