Was it rape?

Question

about two yrs ago I was overseas in australia with a friend, and we hung out with a good (gay) friend. We went out to dinner and he invited a coworker to come. This guy was a great looking guy, and I was instantly attracted, we flirted all during dinner, he was charming, and filled my wine glass when I was empty (first hint). He also got my friend very drunk too. We went to hang out at a club lounge, were we danced and kissed. And I was okay with this. By time we left my friend and I were pretty drunk and somehow I didn't go home with them I ended up at this guys house, (i think my friends thought I wanted to go). I remember thinking I didn't want to have sex with him, so when things started heating up, I remember saying I didn't want to, but I think i only said it once. I felt helpless, and never fought it. In my head I was so drunk that I felt like it was my fault and that I didn't have a choice. I don't remember much, but I know I didn't want to, for months after I blamed myself.

Answer 1

I am sorry, what a demeaning experience, I think it was rape. But you learned a valuable lesson, now you know to tell your friends that if you are ever drinking with them that you want to go home with them and no one else even if you say you do.
Now you know that alcohol makes you have impaired judgment and that if you go out and want to drink you must have a designated driver at all times, a sober person who is watching out, even if you do not take a car you need the designated sober person. Take turns, make sure you are this sober person occasionally,to make it fair. It is actually quite interesting to see how your friends are drunk, it gives me the urge to not drink to be honest with you. You also learned that you had a tough time defending yourself, please read the book "The gift of fear" by Gavin deBecker, it is the most valuable book I have ever read regarding maintaining personal safety. You need it.

http://www.amazon.ca/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198

Answer 2

I believe that rape is a pretty much universal problem. Sure, there are some isolated societies where the issue is not as pressing, but you really have to search for them. I also would point out that your criteria for a rape free society is very difficult to achieve. It's human nature, sorry to say, that when there is no danger from predatory animals, humans fill that niche for themselves. Humans also have a propensity for tinkering with their own food supply...many a despot has found that starving the masses, and using the savings for weapons is an effective means of control. Humans also rarely share power and control, they take what they can get...and try to get more. If you look at it, changing human nature is about the only way to accomplish a change in the rape rates.

Answer 3

I wouldn't call it rape or consensual. I would say that you were in a state of drunkenness that impaired your ability to make decisions. Thus you made a mistake on your part, if you can't remember what you said then you have no true case. After all he might have been just as drunk and not recall anything either. Instead of thinking of it as rape, you should think of it as a reason why not to get overly drunk. You’re behavior led to a loss in judgment and ultimately a mistake.

Answer 4

When you are coerced into having sex through being inebriated or drugged then this is considered rape. A man will often do this so that his victims will be easier to handle. The only person who is guilty here is the man that raped you. What this is clinically called is date rape and what you should do is see a counselor or a therapist and work through your feelings surrounding this terrible event. By ignoring it you are not processing the emotions and this in itself can cause you even more trauma. You really need to deal with this issue to move on with your life. I wish you well. You are not the first young woman this has happened to but by making other girls aware of this hopefully we can put a stop to this practice or change the laws to protect other women.

Answer 5

If you said no, then no matter how drunk you may have been, he raped you. it was only recently in the UK that it became a crime for a husband to force his wife into sex if she didn't consent. The ruling was that a woman can say no at any point and if the male continues to force himself upon her and sex happens , it is rape, in marriage or otherwise.
In many ways the fact that he helped you to become inebriated says a lot, it might be that this is how he thinks a sexual relationship is started? Or that girls he has known in the past always felt it was relaxing to have a few drinks to loosen up, whatever the circumstances, as long as you said no, the sex was not consensual

Answer 6

The guy sounds like a real creep, he took advantage of you for sure. But rape is a strong word, and you willingly drank all that wine. I never drink in public with people I do not know, and do not trust. It seems like you went against your own better judgement and now you regret the choices you made.

Answer 7

using drugs of any kind and alcohol is most certainly a drug to overcome another person for sex without their consent is rape the refer to it as date rape in the US I am not sure what Australian law says but it will almost definitely be against the law there as well ! I used to live in HI and met a lot of Aussie women and I will say this they liked American men a lot because as a general rule we treated them much better

Answer 8

Well rape is a crime of hate and violence. It usely isn't about sex. Was the guy nice to you the next day? Do you feel like that you were drugged. Because that changes everything. But if you were drunk. That different too. Then you need to be more responsible for yourself. Before you go home with someone that is really evil, and you don't get a chance to debate whether it was rape or not.

Answer 9

Yes, it was rape. Date Rape.
Any sexual encounter where a drug was used to tone down or nullify you inhibitions is rape. Unless you lead him on with the intentions of saying no later than it isn't your fault but his.
Maybe he should be forced to dress (cloths, undergarments make up and prosthetics) and live as a women for a year and deal with the treatment he would get from friends and work. maybe then he wouldn't be so quick to coerce a women into sex.

Answer 10

I have to say it was rape and I'm sorry you went had this happen to you. there are so many men out there that think they can get away with it because you were tipsy, if you are out with a friend tell them that no matter how drunk you get that you are not allowed to leave with any man and neither is she you stick together.