something new ?

Question

I am in a relationship and have been for seven years with someone i am no longer in love with. Although we have a child togethere, marriage wise, we are going no where (because I say so). This b/f is not motivated, underemployed, habitual marijauna smoker, and is disrespectful of my opinoins, feelings and thoughts. I have been secretly seeing another man outside of my race for a bit and we really like each other, have some of the same common goals in life (he is also a single parent).I am tired of sneaking around and want to be with the new guy even more. Problem is that we live togethere and financially the b/f won't go b/c he can't afford to since this decision is out of the blue, and of fear of losing his child that we share. In a perfect world I would tell him and he leaves quitely but knowing him it won't be that easy. How can I make this easier , and less complicated than it already is?

Answer 1

Gee!! Another reason to be in a committed marriage before having a child. Your responsibility is to your child first, not your boyfriend and not the new boyfriend.

If you want the old one out, document his drug usage and report him to the authorities.

As for your personal horniness with the new guy...good luck...hope you at least get married before you bring another child into the world.

Yeah, I know that this answer won't be popular...but you asked a question and you got an answer that wasn't sugar coated...

Answer 2

If you are not happy in the relationship then youmust do something about it. Do not stay with a man simply for a child. Children can still have a happy life seeing and spending eual time with both parents. If he cannot move out then perhaps you should sever the relationship and you move out and find a place of your own. When a child is involved ther is no easy road to take. If you continue to sneak around with this other man you will noly end up hurting everyone else involved even more. And the guilt will eat at you forever.

Answer 3

You need to tell him that he needs to leave. Tell him you are tired of his ways and he is not looking for work. He is using your hard earned money to buy his pot habit. I would be furious!!! I do not believe in cheating but if you told him to leave and told him that all the stuff you are tired of and that you do not love him anymore and he continued staying there then that is his problem. You can either leave and find another place to live because once you leave he will not be able to make the payments on the rent or tell him he needs to leave because you already moved on with someone else. I just hope this new man in your life is not a drug user as well.

Answer 4

Be honest, with yourself and your partner. Remind him of what it used to be like, and now things have changed so much (or have they? Maybe it always was like that and you just accepted it 'cause you thought things would change 'cause you were in love)...the hardest part seems to be to make the man understand that neither one of you are happy. Men often seem to stay in unhappy relationships just because it is easier and better than being alone. Especially if the woman does everything for him. The new guy...I think it's dangerous, not because of the race, who cares, but the feelings, you know, the rebound thing. If you are not happy with your current relationship and not first end it, don't you think you might pass on old feelings or wishes onto the new guy????

Answer 5

how in this world have you kept that child around him and he smokes pot?neither one of you deserve that child.you both sound unfit.find a family member to take the child,you leave him and go with your new friend.for 7 years you put up with all that and yea,I'm sure your the perfect mom ,,,guess you never smoked pot with your mate.it's real bad when a child loses a parent or parents due to drugs or one of the parents find another
partner,what are you telling your child,it's ok to do things like that.til someone else comes along to help the situation out.
you need to wake up,you have a responsibility as a mother to raise your child,you have only 1 shot in life and that child will be grown,you should make it all you can and be very proud of that child.you don't make that child happy,,a damn stranger is NOT going to do it for you.children need both parents,,,if there's a problem go get help, don't jump out of 1 bed and go straight to another one.

Answer 6

You should stop sneaking around until you've taken care of what's wrong in your life.

You should begin to bring up the subject of breaking up with your current boyfriend a little at a time.

You should start looking into some suggestions to help him deal with financially living on his own.

You should also consult a lawyer about child visitation and child support.

After all this is in place and you're no longer living with your boyfriend then you can start seeing someone else.

If you behave with dignity hopefully you'll be treated with dignity.

Answer 7

There is no easy way being that you have a child, the way that I would do it is When he is at work or wherever get what you can and leave. He will eventually call if he is not too high and just explain that there is nothing there and that you are willing to let him see his child but you just do not want to be with him. He probably will not like that, but you have to do what you have to do. If it gets nasty, go to court and set up visitation. simple as that.

Answer 8

For one thing seperate racial relationships are bad in my opinion. it hurts the kid to be picked on. once your husband finds out, it will be bad. just try to slow down on the other guy and get custody of your child and divorce him. no man nor woman should treat each other like that.

Answer 9

forget the place you're in, move to a new place together. if its your house make the ex pay rent or have him forcibly evicted, if not just give your notice then its up to him to come up with rent or get evicted by your old landlord.

Answer 10

Just tell him you are not happy and you do not think he is either, and that you think he should start looking for a place to live.