I have a mother that seems to have a drinking problem. She tries to hide her drinks, act like she hasn't drunken anything, or just anything she can possibly do to hide the fact that she doesn't have a problem with it. It seems as if she has to drink everyday or VERY close to everyday.
I've talked to her more than 25 times it counting, no lie. I've prayed for years. I've tried to pour out her drinks/bottles. I've done EVERYTHING I could possible do.
It seems like nothing will help me. What should I do?
She tells me she'll quit more than 20 times, and never has. She's sweared, promised, and all that. I'm scared for her because I know it's possible to get lung cancer, and she's already had surgery for a tumor in her stomach, so it makes me even MORE scared.
Someone PLEASE tell me what to do. I've been as patient as I could.
2006-12-25 13:42:02 · 7 answers · asked by lvbs793 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
"I've prayed for years. I've tried to pour out her drinks/bottles. I've done EVERYTHING I could possible do." This tells me this is a long standing problem with her. It is not due to recent medical news.
An addict is an addict out of avoidance and fear of emotional harms in their life. Drinking alcohol for an addict is harmful but the alcohol is a symptom not the real root of the problem. Yes you can become physically addicted but even if you dry her out... uness her approach to life changes she will immediately return to using. All physicians know that if you only treat the symptoms of a disease then it never goes away. Treat the cause is the only way to have lasting results. One thing all addicts have in common is a very low self-esteem.
Alcohol or drugs are used to keep a person from feeling emotions and blunt thier response to the world are them. What you need to do is to tell her how her drinking affects you emotionally rather than you pointing out what she is doing to harm herself. She already knows it is doing harm to herself but that's not stopping her. You have told her 20 times and it has not sunk in. Telling her 40 more times or others telling her will yield the same result. Her fears of dealing with life far outweigh her fear of self-destruction. . You need to show her how her behavior causes harm to you. She will be much more receptive to that approach. Pointing out what she is doing to herself only lowers her self-esteem more than it was.... so talk about yourself and your feelings when it comes up in conversation or confrontation. You may not know what your mom is going through but you will ALWAYS be an expert on how you feel about yourself. I have seen this approach help to wake up many adults who only are thinking of their own self pitty. The only way she will seek help is if she perceives a need to change. This has a chance of giving her one.
My best advice for you is to go to ALANON/ ALATEEN meetings. They will teach you how to do this effectively. You are not going to be able to figure this out on your own. Neither will your mom but at least you will learn some tools that will stop the practice of you and other family members unwittingly enabling her to continue to drink. You have to hope that she will change but at least protect yourself from the harm it is causing you emotionally. Go to some meetings and learn how to live a healthy emotional life even when those around you do very unhealthy things. Any change for the better starts with you doing what you can to change. Waiting for others to do this first will cause years of hurt.
Don't expect things to change for your mom overnight but then again she didn't become an addict overnight either. On the otherhand, the steps you take by going to meetings will show dramatic immediate changes in how hopless you feel.
Hope that helps... Mery Christmas
2006-12-25 14:18:01 · answer #1 · answered by Bob 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have lived with this problem for many years and have learned some very unhealthy adaptive behaviors. You don't even know what they are. When you go out into the real world, these adaptive behaviors will do you harm. They will interefere in your schooling, your job, your relationships with men and girlfriends. You will be drawn to people with addictions and abusive men. An eating disorder or addiction might be in your future. Do you want to go through this pain all of your life?
If you do, then keep doing all the non-working things you are doing. However, If you want to want to be happier, more mature, more confident, more serene, less stressed, and reduce your pain to a manageable level, then you will become active in AlAnon or Alateen.
The 'net can help you locate the group nearest you. A phone # will be available so you can speak with a member before the meeting so you won't feel uncomfortable going the 1st time. Godspeed little darling...
2006-12-27 15:50:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to discuss this with another family member and then both of you confront her. She could be "scared" that she is dying due to her last tumor and doesn't want to stop. I mean why not? But it is hurting her and it is hurting you. When she hides it like that, it is a red flag that something is going on. Please get help. Maybe call Al-Anon that helps with families of alcoholics, or if you are a teen, Alateen. It may help you in your struggle with your Mom. I hope you can get through to your Mom in time for her to enjoy a long happy life. Best wishes and Good Luck!
2006-12-25 13:56:29 · answer #3 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, my drinking was getting out of hand and I wanted this to stop somehow. I was told about this drug Welbutrin. This drug was used mostly for people who wanted to stop smoking but found it does the same for drinking. I have not had a drink for four months now. I still had the urges and had a drink at the beginning but it just wasn't the same anymore. Then more and more I drank less and less rather quickly and now I don't. I am so happy and so are my children.
2006-12-25 13:56:21 · answer #4 · answered by Dewy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you can't help her unless she wants to help herself. Look in your phone book and look for the phone number of Al-anon.
They specialize in dealing with close friends and family members of alcoholics. They do not think you have a problem, but they can help you deal with someone who does. And if you are a teenager, there is an organization called Alateen that is for you. Please look to one of these groups, and/or speak with your spiritual advisor (pastor, minister, rabbi) if you have one.
2006-12-25 13:46:38 · answer #5 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She somewhat has to desire to give up. All you could somewhat do is furnish her help and encouragement. attempt to show out to her that she has a difficulty. She may well be in denial or is basically frightened on the possibility of dealing with existence with out the crutch of alcohol. She has to make the determination to give up and get help herself. Please do no longer cover or pour out her booze. those with severe alcohol dependence can boost severe or maybe existence-threatening indicators throughout alcohol withdrawal. In severe dependancy withdrawal could be carried out below scientific supervision. drugs can ease the indications and if any severe indicators upward push up they are in a position to be dealt with. Then the subsequent step is counseling, scientific care and help communities.
2016-10-28 08:55:22 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find someone that can help your mother. or talk to her about it.
2006-12-25 13:45:59 · answer #7 · answered by Acinonyx j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋