how do you get back into the dating game after a bad marriage?

Question

Had a bad marriage.Abusive husband still going through the pain of him leaving me for drugs.He is in jail and i will never go back.Even though he wants me to.How do you move on after 18yrs of marriage.Most of all were bad times rather than good.But kept seeing the best in him.And stayed for the kids.We are better off without him.But dont want to be alone the rest of my life.How do you get past it and go on.Without feeling guilty.(dont know why I do ).

Answer 1

Seek counseling as they will help you more than we can!! God Bless!!

Answer 2

I'm so sorry you are going through this. But take comfort in knowing that you made the best choice for yourself, and don't look back or beat yourself up for not leaving sooner. And definitely don't feel any sort of guilt for leaving such a destructive relationship. You did the right thing. Take some time for YOU and heal from being in such an abusive relationship before starting another relationship. I know you are worried that you will be alone for the rest of your life, but you won't. Don't worry about being lonely right now. You have your kids and other family to lean on. When you have fully healed, and are ready for a new relationship, you will find one. There are lots of men out there. Just take the lessons learned from your bad marriage, and don't get involved with anyone remotely like your ex-husband.

Merry Christmas and may the new year bring you the peace and happiness you deserve!

Answer 3

Hon, I went through the same thing.
I joined singles groups. But the best place was yahoo personals and just look in your area. it is way too hard to date guys who live far away. Also, you might have coffee with a dozen of guys until you find one worth seeing again.
This time around know what red flags to look for and steer clear from guys who will end up being trouble.

Find your inner beauty and lose the low self esteem the X husband gave you. You are very wise to let go of that troubled marriage.

About internet dating. Always meet in a public place. Never plan for a long day. Just what I call "meet & greet" Make sure you have an idea of what the guy is like before you trust him with any personal details.

Answer 4

Its hard to say ! I would think if he had not liked you he would not be texting at all . Guys do play games I think you should wait and see if he ask you out again soon. If he is on the dating sites he could be talking to lots of women on line.Also has it only been at nite when he is working that you talk to him. If so he could be spending time also with someone else. It is too easy for guys to become players when there on these sites. If he was into you he would have asked for a second date right away! You did not do anything wrong there ate plenty of fish in the sea so don't worry about it. P.S Watch out for the sharks

Answer 5

The death of a relationship is like the death of a person. In order to get past the hurt and betrayal of the drugs, you need to go through the same process of healing. There are stages to *grief and until you pass through each one you will still feel the same. I would suggest you go to a support group to talk this over with other women that have gone through similar things. Join a club or activity where you will meet new men and women and try to make new friends.

1. Denial – Denial is almost universal and considered to be an adaptive response to the initial shock.


2. Anger – As the reality becomes undeniable, the person expresses anger at the situation/person/self.

3. Bargaining – The person attempts to find ways of reducing the pain and suffering brought about by the situation


4. Depression – When bargaining fails, a sense of loss and hopelessness is encountered. Reactive depression is suffered for losses that are already being sustained, Encouragement, reassurance and empowerment should be offered by friend/family but freedom must be granted for depression to be expressed to enable the person to come to terms with his/her losses.


5. Acceptance – This is achieved if the person is allowed and helped to pass through the earlier stages and come to terms with the death of the relationship.

Answer 6

This is something I know about so I will give some good advice here.If you are going to start dating again be fair to yourself and your potential dates.Seek some counseling first.I would suggest finding your local Al-Anon group.This for the spouse or family members of drug and alcohol users.Go to some meetings and listen to what others have to say(you don't have to contribute anything to the conversation if you are not comfortable).You will find many people are in the same position you are in.You may even find someone in these groups that you can connect with.These groups cost nothing but your time and can give you so much in return.This is a way to deal with all the crap that has happened in the past.Your kids are welcome in these meeting also(it's for the family).I have been to many of these meetings as a supporting parent and they really do help heal from within.
After you become more adjusted to single life be careful of these guys that are on the make.You will find allot of losers just looking for a quicky,be careful.

Answer 7

Don't make any quick moves. Take your time to get over the divorce and learn about yourself and then find someone and take your time there. You don't need to feel guilty or move quick.

I went through a very similar situation and found out that I did really well on my own and will be celebrating 14 years of freedom in 2007. Best of luck.

Answer 8

Cat
He's the one who should feel guilty. Don't EVER feel guilty because you want a relationship with a guy who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
You are long overdue to just go out and have some fun. Don't try to get too serious too quickly---you need some time off. Congratulations for standing up for yourself and resfusing to take his s*** anymore. You'll meet other guys; just don't involve yourself with anyone like him.

Answer 9

the first thing you need to do is make sure that you are ready. if you start dating before you are ready, it won't be fair to you or the person that you date and will only cause more heartache. i know some people really hate the idea of meeting people online, but where else can you really go. i would strongly suggest an online dating service to meet people. even if it is just to meet people and to talk. in the long run it's cheaper and safer than going to bars.

Answer 10

Don't jump in because the hazards are just as good at finding another "prize winner". You should start slowly and carefully.
I know that being alone is hard, but you will not always be that way. Keep your mind busy with other things.

Answer 11

First,congratulations for starting a new life. Take it slow and take your time. You cannot solve everything in one day. I have no doubt you have become a stronger person because of what you have experienced. It will enable you to make better choices enabling you to have a good life the way you want it to be.