I am 28 years of age and by boyfriend is 24. He is a college graduate and just got a job teaching. I am a junior in college. Almost two years ago we were involved in a car accident, he had one and a half beers and we decided to go eat. I gave him the keys to my car and we left. My car was totaled, he had a head injury and I had a busted lip. My boyfriend was very apologetic that night. We agreed along with my parents to pay for the car. My father throughout the ordeal was disrespctful to my boyfriend. My boyfriend eventually retailiated and said some rude thigs to my parents. I feel that we should all act like adults and try to work this out. My parents on the other hand want nothing to do with him. He has apologized but they will not forgive him. I love him very much and he loves me. We treat each other very well.We've been dating 2.5 years We are planning to get married. I feel as if they really loved me they would try work things out and come to some kind of resolution.
2006-12-25 13:39:38 · 23 answers · asked by aedge09 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, drinking and driving is NOT a smart choice. As an adult, you should know the dangers of drinking and driving, and as the "man" in the relationship, he should never put you in a dangerous situation like that.
Now, if your parents disrespected him, than he had every right to be mad. But he should have chose his words carefully and should have not been so disrespectful. Him and your father should apologize to one another and go from there. But I don't blame your father for being upset.
On to the original topic, your parents arent going to like everyone you bring home. It is how YOU feel. They can not tell you who to love and be with. You're the one who is going to be with this person, possibly for the rest of your life. So yes, it is okay and it's not disrespectful.
2006-12-25 13:47:00 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems there was plenty of disrespect to go around. But you are of legal age and have a right to run your own life. While it is preferable that you sit down with your parents, listen to their reasonable points for disliking your boyfriend, it should also be acceptable for them to listen to you. You are not their little girl anymore, you are an adult. You must make your own life decisions.. hopefully, all of you can find a middle ground on which to meet, but if not, you have to decide.. will you stay their little girl and have them run your life, or will you step up, be an adult, and make your own decisions. It is very difficult.. all of us have had to reach that point. One thing, however. Really LISTEN when your parents tell you why they feel the way they do about your boyfriend.. take what they say into consideration. You are in the middle of the relationship and might not see things as they do. Once you know how they feel, ask a close friend about it.. explain it to the friend and find out what that friend has to say. Then, as an adult, you take all those opinions into consideration.. and make up your own mind. Good luck.
2006-12-25 22:07:19 · answer #2 · answered by Nancy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were 14 years old I would say you need to fallow your parents rules and guidlines. But, you and the boyfriend are adults.
Your parents are acting like children. You and bf made a big mistake with the drinking and driving thing. And all the adults involved got nasty.
You are old enough to pick your own bf or spouse. If your parents hate him, then you will have to stay clear of them. Parents of an adult child has NO right to stop you from seeing anyone.
They need to let by gones be by gones....and if they can't, they won't be part of your life. No way should you let this nastyness continue throughout your life. Imagine how stressful this will be for your kids. Don't put them through it.
Perhaps you can get your parents and your bf and yourself to some family counseling.
Your parents might choose to hang on to their anger even if they lose their connection to you. Now that is their problem. You are old enough to chose your own life. Sounds like your parents need to just let go.
Just don't let this simmer for the next 25 years. Best to start your own family and let your parents be back in when they are ready to stop being judgmental.
Get some counseling. Just don't repeat being what your parents are. And if your guy is as bad as they think, maybe you need to rethink all of this.
2006-12-25 22:23:42 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship with your parents and your boyfriend is going to have to take some time. They love you very much and the car accident worried them oh so very much. No matter how much a person has to drink they should never go behind the wheel and try to drive. You can have 8 beers and have a slight buzz one time and then have only 2 and have a good buzz. They are just worried about you. He needs to show them that he is responsible and also needs to show them how much he loves you and hated the fact that he made a mistake and will never do that sort of thing again. Just take it slow with your parents they will come around.
2006-12-25 22:43:19 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there done all of this...down to the car wreck situation....you are 28 years old. You are perfectly capable of making the decision of being with anyone you like, despite your parents disapproval. It is a control issue with your parents. They are still trying to control you...you have to decide to love whomever you want to, and at whatever terms you want to. I know its hard...Im 28 also and have been married for 9 years to the love of my life....we have three children together. They still call him white trash, lowlife, among other things, when in fact, well they are, and try to act like they arent. You just have to sit them down and tell them that you are old enough to make your own decisions and they can either choose to accept that and try to work it out....or they can decide to be a**es and probably tell you that if you are old enough to make your decision to marry someone we dont like then you can pay for your own wedding( did it on a 5.50 an hr salary in 1997)....all I can say is that if you actually stand up for yourself with them.....You will respect yourself so much more...
2006-12-25 23:25:36 · answer #5 · answered by sifford844 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't the fact that your parents hate him, make you love him that much more? Come on..admit it. You're 28 and still acting like a 16 y/o. I have an 18 y/o that breaks up with every guy that I "pretend" to like. Rebellious youth are such easy books to read. Pretend I hate a boyfriend that I really like and magically she stays with him. I imagine you're the same. This guy is just a pawn in the game..PLAY ON!!!!!!
2006-12-25 21:44:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you say it was your car so was this car replaced by your dad? was there no insurance? was your dad upset about him wrecking the car or putting his daughter in danger?
although i have all of the above questions it does look like you fiance owes your parents especially your dad an apology for driving under the influence with you in the car and for the rude things he said to your dad and i think your dad owes your fiance an apology for the way he treated him but you two need to do your share of apologizing and reimbursing that you should do even if your parents are unreasonable and or unapologetic and even continue to be rude.
this is an excellent time for you to watch this man carefully as he handles this argument. if you marry him at some point in your marriage you guys will have disagreements as well and that is the way he will handle issues between you as well.
2006-12-25 21:59:36 · answer #7 · answered by David C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was he drunk? if thats the reason for the accident, then your parents have a right to be angry. as for being disrespectful...It depends on if he was drunk. because if he was drunk, then why did you give him the keys to your car and let him drive? thats not an intelligent thing to do. perhaps you should all sit together and try to have a calm discussion with each other...you, your boyfriend, and your parents. hear what each other has to say without conflict. I don't think your being disrespectful by dating someone they dislike, but like I said before, if he was drinking then thats when I would say yes, but not to your parents...to yourself. for putting yourself in danger and not having enough respect for yourself, and driving the car yourself...
2006-12-25 22:16:42 · answer #8 · answered by tweetybird37406 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sucks that happened but its over and done with. It was your car anyway and it was your choice to give him the keys but at least he owned up to it and is planning to pay for it.. he couldve ran off without taking any responsibility.. And as far as dating someone they dont like - you not a minor, youre an adult. You have to start thinking about your own happiness.. If they love you, they want you to be happy. Good luck.
2006-12-25 21:44:53 · answer #9 · answered by PenguinsWife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are an adult. You need to live life for you and not your parents. I wish my bf would get that idea through his head also. If you two are happy then make the most of it. Hopefuly your parents will come around one day and stop trying to run your life still.
2006-12-25 22:03:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋