and building their careers and having various relationships instead of marriage and having all the fun they want and waiting till they are 40 something to marry and have kids? They use the excuse that they want to be ready to have children and give them a good life but do they ever think of the fact that when their children grow up and are building their careers and trying to enjoy their single years they will become burdens with their failing health and age related issues. It seems like the attitude today is to be single as long as possible and have kids when you are 40 and then be a burden to them when they are trying to start their lives and have children. They will be trying to start families and have to care for a elderly parent at the same time but then again that parent wanted to enjoy their freedom and not be obligated to anyone, sounds kinds unfair to me.
2006-12-25 11:53:02 · 12 answers · asked by reallyfedup 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes it is a selfish western way of life. It is why western countries populations are aging so much. We are smart and being stupid.
2006-12-25 11:57:04 · answer #1 · answered by kicking_back 5 · 0⤊ 4⤋
SO isnt it unfair when someone gets married at 25 has 3 kids, and the marriage ends suddenly, and the mother/father has 3 children to raise, didnt get a chance to establish her career, or maybe not finish her education, so at 30 she is trying to get a better job finish school, and raise her children all at the same time, is that fair to her/his children to have to be shuffled around while their parents try to better themselves at a later age, because they were so worried about having children early so that they wouldnt be a burden on them when they were grown, PLEASE!!!
It isnt anyone elses business when someone has children, having children at an older age gives them a better financial outlook and available resources, a mature parent who is truly wanting to be a parent to the fullest at the time, a marriage that is more likely to last and keep two parents in the household, and the fact they are ready for a family and happily raising their children, gives them so much more happiness and consistency and opportunity.
Not to say that young parents arent capable or fantastic parents, I had my first child at 29 and loved every minute of it, my mom was 19 when she had me and was great, but yes she struggled.
And having to care for your parents when they are older is something that every person will go through and its no easier in your thirties then in your fifties.
Sounds to me that you are resenting the fact that someday you will have to be caring for your parents, who fed, bathed, educated, supported, and loved you your whole life, the way I look at is taking care of my parents when they are elderly is the least I can do for them after the years they put in loving me, caring for me, and now loving and caring for their grandchild....
2006-12-25 21:06:07 · answer #2 · answered by rottie110 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I dont think its selfish at all. To have children and be in a solid relationship that supports children requires a certain amount of maturity and readiness and if you dont have either, it creates an unhealthy environment that unfortunately exists in too many homes.
If I am 40 when I am ready to settle down and have a family, so be it. I am not ready now and I am not going to push it when I know this is not the right time. I'd rather set up a solid emotional and financial foundation for myself, regardless of my marital status and then have children when I know I can be the best mother I can.
2006-12-25 20:00:31 · answer #3 · answered by di12381 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to judge everyone else and question their motives? Waiting to get married and have kids is a sign of wisdom more often than of selfishness. Isn't it possible that if you had waited, and kept going to school, you'd have picked a better husband than you did, and have perhaps done a better job of being a mom?
And you say it's selfish to wait, but then you criticize the immigrants for not waiting and for having so many kids. I think there are more people on the earth than we can support, to perhaps waiting and having fewer kids shows more respect for the earth than it shows selfishness.
2006-12-26 09:06:28 · answer #4 · answered by AnOrdinaryGuy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Would you rather someone have a child when they're mentally ready and treat them properly, or have someone not ready at all for kids and treat them badly?
Obviously you don't have kids. If you did, you wouldn't ask that question. Being a parent is hard no matter how ready you think you are, but it's a lot better being mentally prepared for the difficulties of being a parent than not.
2006-12-26 12:27:35 · answer #5 · answered by alimagmel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why would it be selfish? modern medicine has extended life expectancy. when people were having children in their teens and 20s, it was most likely that they were also dying in their 50s and 60s maybe 70s. but now people are living much longer. Also, because they delayed children, they can build up their retirement funds, etc and not actually HAVE to depend on their children, unlike in the past.
2006-12-26 10:31:36 · answer #6 · answered by smm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure, it's selfish, but what's wrong with that? You can't spend all your time satisfying other people. It's definitely important to build up your career before doing anything else. It's best not to have a partner around to distract you from that before it's achieved. Personally, I'd rather spend ALL my years being single — marriage and motherhood doesn't mean anything to me.
2006-12-25 20:09:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it's not selfish. I've yet to see any parent at 40 become a "burden" to their kids when they got older. Most of the ones I know are in really great retirement homes living it up. Sounds to me as if you're jealous of those who didn't "settle" who wanted to enjoy their youth as long as they could while you chose another route. Don't blame those who didn't make your choice for your unhappiness...the one to blame is the one who looks back at you when you look in a mirror.
2006-12-25 21:58:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
YES!
I agree it is selfish.
You brought out a point that I never thought of before. Old age........Change of life starts at 40 to 50 years of age.
Get a career, get married have your baby in your late twenties early thirties,while your body is strong to keep up with them.
Good question and good answer. Your own answer is the best.
2006-12-25 20:21:45 · answer #9 · answered by Flo-Jean 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No, I want to be single and establish my career first. I'm not obligated to get hitched at 20 and get knocked up a year later
2006-12-25 19:55:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
The most important person in your life is yourself. If you choose to remain single or marry is a personal preference.
2006-12-25 21:43:28 · answer #11 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋