Wasn't it better when people married and had their children at a younger age and then could enjoy their?

Question

older years? It seems like people are marrying older and older these days and these marriages are working any better than the ones that got married younger. I am a 40 year woman with a teenager and trying to meet a nice man in his 40's or 50's. I know it is reasonable that most of them will be divorced with children at this age, as it would be kinda strange if they are 50 and never married (gotta be something wrong there) but I would think that these men's children would be adults or at least in their late teens especially when some of them are 10 or 15 years older than me. Whe do people want to spend their older years raising small children and why don't they about how old they are going to be when they have to send these kids to college (about the same time they are ready to retire) or how many women are going to want to marry a 50+ man small children in the chance that they might find themselves divorced?

I add that my grandparents had their children in their 20's and 30's but then they had my mom when they were 50(grandma) and 59(grandpa) my mom was a teenager in the 1950's with parents in their 60's and 70's and she lost her father at 19 (he was 78) and her mother at 36 (her mom was 86) so she lost a lot of time that her siblings who were born earlier had and I lost my grandma at 10 and never met my grandpa where as my child is almost grown and has her grandparents in her life and none of them are over 70.

Answer 1

Its one thing to have a baby at 40 or 50 its a completely different story to have a teenager when one is 55 or 65. Imagine being 70 at your kids high school graduation? In some ways it not fair to the child as they grow up to have Senior parents, unless the parents are very active with a positive attitude towards the hectic life teenagers bring .

Reading your other post I hear you. I consider my choice to be a compromise - I was 31 when my first child was born. My mom was 41. Having older parents does make life more difficult as people get older they have more health problems so we are often required to care for them as young adults - even as a teen in my case! I didn't know my grandparents growing up - I am glad my kids love and are loved by all four of theirs. In general older people have less energy, more health issues and are less tolerant then younger now there are exceptions of course. I have been part of the "sandwich generation" (those of us taking care of both parents/grandparents and our own children ) for the last ten years. Is it hard ? Very. Would I not do it ? No, My parents need me I will help them.
While its all fine and wonderful to do what you want, wait till you are "ready" ( is one ever ready for kids? ) blah blah blah but there is definitely a downside to having older parents.

Answer 2

I am a believer that age is just a state of mind. I think it's okay to marry and have kids later in life. I think older parents are more wise and have more patience with their children than younger ones. I've met several men and women who have never been married by the time they were 50, and I just don't see anything wrong with it. It used to be in the old days that a woman was considered a spinster if she wasn't married by the time she was 30, but I am so glad those days are long gone. Nobody should be defined by their marital status. Nor should anyone feel pressure to marry and have children. People should choose the timing that's right for them, not what society dictates.

Answer 3

Hmmm! He really had you on didn't he? Yes that's true about the anti divorce culture in India but its becoming more and more acceptable as many girls married "foreigners" and found out that they were not treated properly when they got to the "foreign" country by their new husbands. (Foreign usually meant the UK or USA) so many girls managed to return to India on some pretext or other and then got divorced. It is now common in Bombay (Mumbai) to find many divorcees and if you really are not in love with your husband, never have been or never will be, then whether he likes it or not you should get out. You did a stupid thing by marrying to help someone out of a situation but you should have got all your facts from the Indian High Commission in Aldwych before doing so. Marriage is for love and for keeps. Its a sad situation but I can't really feel sorry for you because I feel you must have had some feelings towards him and also you must have had a family that voiced their approval or disapproval of such a match. If you were headstrong and didn't listen to your family then all I can say is that you got what you deserved. I just hope and pray that there are no children involved in this marriage. Indian men hardly ever express their love for their wives. They are not generally as romantic as the Mediterraneans and some but not all Englishmen.

Answer 4

my sister had her 1st child at 40. She did a lot of traveling right out of college. she enjoys her children more now than if she had them at 22. Personally me at 39 says I'm way too old to start a family. it is a personal choice and what is going on in your life at the time.

because a man has never been married by the time he is 50 is not a sign that something is wrong. He may have been focusing on his career among other reasons. If he is just now looking to get married don't find that odd be thankful he didn't have a family that came second to his career. Maybe he was in a long term relationship. You never know until you ask them.

Answer 5

I dont see anything wrong with marrying older, I think people shoudl do it when they are ready not when society says they should be ready. You can see an older person as maybe focusing on career and waiting until they really have found the right ONE for them. I definityl would not assume there is something wrong with them.

I have a friend from work who is in his fortys and just got married for the first time to a woman who had been married before and she has a teenager at home and a grown child as well, they could not be happier, they are so great together.

Answer 6

there are a ton of people out there your age 40-50 who have grown up children, the biggest problem with people our age is woman still and for some reason want to get married,, my son is 18, I have divorced twice,, and I wont live with someone till he has gone for good, finished college and moved on,

seems to be a real sticking point with woman, I figure I have 4 years left with him, that will make me 50,, I am good looking successful man that doesnt want to live with a woman, had too many problems with my blended family I just got out of,

I dont know why people cant stay on their own, totally enjoy each others company, and dont live together,

Answer 7

I have a friend who is a young early 50's with no children. She would just love to find a man to love in his fourties who has a couple of beautiful kids. Life seems very dull without them, and you can go to Disney Land and be a kid again with them. And guess what? A lot of people having kids these days never marry each other nor take their partner's last names. I find that sad.

Answer 8

it's hard to say,100 years ago life was harder but simpler
people grew up with only raising a family and making a
living as their only concern.as you reached your senior
years your extended family would see to it that you lived
out your twighlight years in atleast moderate comfort.
100 years later it's all screwed up.family values have been
turned upside down.i don't think that age is making any difference.one would expect a man or woman who is 50
would by now have children in their mid-late 20's,with
children of their own in mid grade school(5th/6th).the
job market has become so demanding that most people
put off marriage well into their late 20's or 30's.this causes
the age for children they have,having children later meaning that instead of grandparents having grandchildren who are adults while the grandparents are
just in their 60's,it's now the early to mid 70's.there is alot more may/december romances as older males try to
recapture their youth and visa/versa.as for your question,
it was better to have reared children sooner than later.
i for one want to go to my grandchilds graduation while i'm just in my early 60's.i'm 46 both my kids are grown.
so all i can say is what martin luther king said.
"let freedom rinng,lord halleluiah let freedom ring"

Answer 9

There are the advantages,like more energy,seeing your grandchildren have children, and being able to enjoy your 50's without kids. But the disadvantages are less patience and knowledge, less money, and sometimes postponing your plans to continue your education to care for your children.

Answer 10

People are doing this because they want more time in their early years to enjoy singlehood. I say, hats off to them. If someone is 50 and never married, there's nothing wrong with them. Maybe they never wanted to get married in the first place — ever think of that?