I'm 26Indian & his 35white.He is a CFO of a big company.We ve been secretly dating cuz one of the executives is racist but is retiring may 2007.He has an opportunity of being 1 of the top 3 executives.He is being trained for the top job.my man says that he will miss this opportunity if his boss finds out about us.There's a guy in his company who hasn't been promoted because his married to a black woman.I understand him wanting to get ahead but this has been going on for a year.I DON'T think his cheating,i ve keys to his house,i spend everynight with him, i ve unlimited access to his funds and keys to all his cars & he proposed this thanksgiving.i ve met his family.I DON'T go to company parties with him.1 of my white friends poses as his girlfriend for company parties and business trips to europe.He says we ll go public when the boss retires.I NOW THINK MY friend who poses as his girl wants my man.She talks about him with excitement.what should i do? and what do you think is going on?
2006-12-25 11:40:33 · 10 answers · asked by Jen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well you made a mistake by allowing your friend to pose as his gf and allowing her to get close to him. I myself wouldnt be in any relationship where I had to be a secret. I have more self esteem for that. Im sorry for you.
2006-12-25 15:33:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let's say that he is promoted to the top job. What happens when he brings you into the picture? Will he say that broke up with the other woman and started dating you? Will you have to act like you've just started dating, instead of telling everyone that you are engaged?
I cannot imagine dating someone who is, in effect, supporting racism by keeping your relationship a secret. That is ridiculous.
Of course your friend wants him. He took her to Europe, he takes her to company parties. He is treating her how he should be treating you. I don't know why he has to have a stand-in girlfriend. Wouldn't it be easier to say he doesn't have one at all rather than fabricating a relationship?
This does not sound like a healthy situation for you. You need to discuss this with him and with your "friend". There is something amiss here, and you need to find out what it is.
If there is nothing amiss and he is simply misguided in his actions due to his desire for the job, I hope that this is the last time that he is so disrespectful to you. He is wrong for treating you this way. There is no excuse for it. A job is not more important than you are.
Best luck.
2006-12-26 02:54:33 · answer #2 · answered by Abby 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have "access to all his funds"?
Uh, babe... I think I'm getting a strong gold-digger vibe from you. Maybe you've set the tone of the relationship from the beginning by getting involved with a man like this - this is what happens when one person is much more wealthy/powerful than the other. That's just how it is, and unless you were in denial you knew how it was going to be. It sets a 'John/provider' dynamic right from the start - it's never explicit like a real 'hooker-john' relationship, but the fact is that he will see it that way on some level.
Chances are good that he has quite a few prospects - dozens of young, pretty, and not-so-rich girls will be hanging on his arm for a dole-out. If he's inscrupulous, he may be having some other young, money/power-hungry woman on the side. Maybe not. People often talk of the 'baser nature of men', and here's where I have to point out to you the baser nature of women - as unpopular as this notion is, women in basica principle are turned on my money and power. But it's not so horrible and offensive if you detach yourself from moralizing judgements - it's just biology, and Mother Nature doesn't apologize for who she is! Female 'gold-digging' tendencies are just a mechanism for survival and propagation of the species - you're evolutionarily programmed to think this way so you can provide for your offspring (indirectly). There's no need to be ashamed of this because it just shows that you're human: you're a human female, and financial/material security is important to you (hopefully it's not the ONLY thing that matters, though).
Anyway, he could see you as one of these women, so regardless of whether you are or not, you need to takes steps to elimiate those thoughts in his head by showing him that you don't need him for his money. If you do and you're a gold digger - still fake it... if you want to win and keep him. Money and success will corrupt a man like this - you become jaded with women because money attracts a specific kind of woman a lot of the times. If you're broke or unemployed, get a job. Support yourself. If you are employed, verbally and physically (through actions) show him that his money doesn't phase or impress you that much. You must win his trust this way - otherwise you'll just be lumped as just another one of those fast women who only come to him for financial security and good times. Think about it from his POV.
2006-12-25 13:32:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Do not take anyone's advice. Do not. Wait it out. You know when the retirement party is going to be. Wait another week and then put it to him. If he is indeed a "Patty" then sue the bastard. Reun his career. But wait him out, It may be worth the wait. In the mean time enjoy the guy.
2006-12-25 11:56:26 · answer #4 · answered by veerfish 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you read the book, He's Not that Into You? The author says that if a man loves you, he will want to tell the world.
2006-12-25 11:46:26 · answer #5 · answered by careb0o 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
she may well want your man, as women are vicious, and have no conscience when they see something they want. they certainly have had time to get closer than u wanted them to be. u can't trust other women around what u value, as far as the job, and the promotion he is expecting, haven't got a clue on what to tell you. seems as if it is really his dream. he needs to get away from this woman asap, if u don't want to loose him, even if he becomes a top exec what excuse will he have than to avoid people seeing u?
2006-12-25 11:51:12 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've been in a similiar situation, and found out a bunch of things I didn't want to know. Such as in, he was still married and had a house with wife and kids.
2006-12-25 11:43:39 · answer #7 · answered by Hicktown girl66 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Talk to him! He needs to realise thet you don't want to sneak around. Which one does he love more YOU or his JOB???? If he chooses his job, then he's obvious not the oone for you. And if he says YOU then that's so romantic, if he quits his job and everything. This is the challnge to see if he REALLY love you.
2006-12-25 11:50:02 · answer #8 · answered by Emma S. 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
but one another note if he REALLY loved you he wouldnt care about his career and he would just quit.i think he loves you and like her. you need to cut them both off.
2006-12-25 11:47:32 · answer #9 · answered by [S.S. NiKA]L0V3S H3R S0M3 TiP 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you are too old for games. grow up.
keep it real ...
2006-12-25 11:49:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋