Am I wrong for giving my heart and soul to a married man????

Question

I have never been in love b4 and it so happens that the man that has swept me off my feet is married. I have broken it off with him but it hurts so bad because I had made him my world. How can I make this pain go away. How can I make myself not call him to see how he is doing. How can I not make myself go crazy. He is the only man that had the ability to make me laugh in any given situations but was also there to console me in times of sorrow, It hurts so bad because I want him back but I know that I have done the right thing in letting go. When will the hurt go away

Answer 1

It's very commendable of you to have ended the illicit affair that he was having behind his wifes back, breaking his vows. I'm proud of you for realizing it was wrong and a dead-end relationship.

Getting over anyone takes time and you will feel like your world has collapsed in on you, you don't need anyone telling you that or saying "I know, I've been there honey."

All I can say is try to keep yourself busy, keep yourself occupied doing other stuff that interests you and helps to keep your mind off of him. It will be tough but you will be better off in the long scheme of things.

I don't have the magic answer or cure for heartache and heartbreak. Good luck and keep yourself clear of that man. Let some other woman be the one that his wife catches him cheating with, breaking up his marriage, his family/his kids( if he has them), etc.

Answer 2

I JUST answered this same question a second ago. So many women are willing to be the other woman and break up a marriage. Why? Why, when you MUST know that he is an unfaithful liar of a man. You think YOU'LL make him change? Fat chance. He'll find someone else as soon as the new wears off. Perhaps he'll find another mistress to cheat on his wife with after he's through with you.

YOU HAVE done the right thing by letting him go. Keep on doing it, darling, you're in the right direction. He wasn't real. He was looking for an exposed neck to feed from, and you were his temporary bloodline. Think of his poor wife and move on. Someday when you're married you won't want your man to be running around with some other little chick. Go find someone single and don't feed his pig ego any longer.

Answer 3

You know the answer to this question. You know you can't continue to give your heart and soul to this guy and you even state that in your question when you say that you have done the right thing in letting go.

It will hurt for an indeterminate amount of time. It might always hurt to some degree when you think about or see him. But you can and will meet someone new and that will help to make the hurt go away.

If someone is completely innapropriate it is good to not let yourself feel anything in the first place. However, sometimes this is a very hard thing to do. We always want what we can't have so much more.

Answer 4

I will have to say you are in the wrong for letting it go this far knowing he was married in the first place and if you didnt he was married when you found out everything should have cut off immediately. I mean put your self in his wifes shoes. How would you feel knowing that your husband was out with another woman or how would you feel if some woman came to you and told you that she was in love with your husband. I mean you did the right thing in cutting it off, but it should have been sooner. No good comes of being with a married man. He's married for a reason, and if he didnt want to be married he would be a divorced man. The hurt will eventually go away, but I think its god's way of letting you know that you were wrong. Hope you can find someone else.

Answer 5

You are right that you have done the right thing. You are to be commended for it. It hurts to loose anyone you love for any reason and only time and going a different direction in your life will make it better.

You have done the right thing for both of you but perhaps more for you than you know.

I was married to my first wife for 37 years. While it was far from the perfect marriage I always felt we were a good match and you just dealt with what ever came along.
Because of several affairs she had early on that I had forgiven her for I was shocked to find she had been talking to someone on-line....and seeing him while I worked.

I left her and we divorced. This man was married and promised everything to her. He even took her out to some property he owned and showed her where they would have a house when married. But he had one problem. I could not bring himself to leave his wife. I believe that when he realized he would not have access to her money he became less interested but not for me to know for sure.

I am married again and she lives alone. While she is not unhappy with that for a time she went though hell. Pretty much like your are now.

As hard as it is right now you must know it was right.

What you need to do is to begin moving on. Perhaps another relationship or just dating. But in time it will be better.
Any time we get involved with someone that is married we open ourseves up to this. Give it time and you will be okay.

Answer 6

It will take some time to get over this man as you said that you made him your whole world--

I would get into counseling and make sure you have a strong support group--of friends/family, etc...so that you do not feel tempted to get back together with him...
In fact, that might have been a reason you fell for him--because you did not have a strong support network--When you have your own positive supportive group and when you learn to support yourself--as in waiting for and only choosing positive people to allow into your life, then you will automatically not be attracted to married men and others who are not really available for a real relationship--
Forgive yourself and help yourself move on by getting the positive support and encouragement that you need...this is a good first step...

Good Luck...

Answer 7

Been there, done it, did it. Its very hard to get over, but if he really cared for you and his marriage was so bad, he would have left his wife. But you were an easy companion on the side. Sometimes these kind of men just like the intrique of trying to hide something and not get caught. Sometimes they use the relationship with you to play out the relationship they wish they had with their wife.

The first thing you have to do is to be open to listening to advice. You won't want to do it. You think this was a wonderful relationship and you don't want to admit it was not going to work.
You liked the love and attention and, now that its gone, there's a hole in your life. You've got to take advice to mend this hole.

Here are some of the things I did to get over it:

1. Get involved with various organizations - charities, social, church, creative. Whatever it is, they must be situations where you have to get out of your house and that keep you active, so not something like a book club where you have to read by yourself all week and get together with a group only once week. Must be something you do in a group that is either physically active or something where you must use your hands ( like a craft class, etc) You may have to find more than one activity.

2. Join a gym and make it a point to go to the gym at least one hour after work each day. Possibly once or twice a day on the weekends.

3. Take a vacation with a group of friends. Again, something where you always stay active - beach, skiing, cruise, hiking, etc.

4.Absolutely, positively do not ever talk about this guy to anyone. Believe me when I tell you, that nothing turns off friends and ends more friendships, than you moaning and discussing your terrible situation. They'll all pretend like they're willing to listen to you, but you are really turning them off and will possibly offend some of them with this relationship.

5. Definitely seek some counseling. If your health insurance covers it, call the company and ask them to recommend a counselor. If insurance doesn't cover it, ask your general practitioner to recommend counseling that would be free of charge. I guarantee this will make all the difference in the world. the counselor will put all of this in perspective for you and will help you to heal much faster.

It takes time to get over this, but I look back on the 2 relationships like this that I was in and just want to kick myself for being so gullible.

Take some pride in who you are and how wonderful you are and move on with your life. Hurts like hell, but after a few weeks of staying busy, talking to a counselor, meeting new friends, and putting a new order to your life this will be behind you.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Take the quickest exit you can find out of the relationship. This
guy cares nothing for you, and is using you for sex.

If he's the only man that makes you laugh, just consider how much you'll cry when he calls it quits. He may even tell his wife, and you certainly don't want that. Do get away from him, and be firm about it. There are other men out there who are single and looking.

Answer 9

I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but you did the right thing by breaking it off. I promise that it will get easier. Of course, it will take time, but this will pass. If it makes you feel any better, you can just remind yourself of the fact that if the two of you had actually gotten together, he more than likely would've cheated on you, as well. Once a cheater, always a cheater. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 10

don't take offence but this relationship sounds like a brother sister relationship. what i mean is he seems to act like a brother than the man of ur dreams. plus he's married now and u don't want the kind of blood on ur dress. it wood be good to tell him how u feel even if it does hurt u or him or anybody else for that matter. u have to feel pain to end it. OH AND TRUST ME that won't be the only one person who will make u laugh or feel good about yourself.