I need advice , i have ,mate who is depressed, read below to know more?

Question

My mate is 27 years old, not bad looking or anything but is depressed, he has never had a serious relationship and is sad that hes is getting told and will end up alone, he belives he aint very good looking and but has a good heart, would never mess with a girl, or desrespect them, but hes told himself his destinty is to end up alone, single and depressed, his age people are all either married, kids, got bf's and gf;s and he is really low about this, he just cant seemto finda girl, i know he aint bad looking and ive seen many worse guys have a woman, even guys who play around have women, but my mate cant get girl, i knowq ma mate wud always respect a girl, love her, do anything for her, but hes told himself he aint good looking enough or smart enought to get annyone and hes always depressed, hes tried everything, going out places, not exactly clubs because thats not hos thing, but anywhere you can meet but says they dnt even look at him, what can b done, anything people?

Answer 1

I think your friend is seriously depressed, if he is then he will never attract a woman to him because he will shoot himself in the foot each time he meets one. You need to get him to see a doctor and ask for councelling. If you are both in Britain he may be given the choice of either anti-depressants now or wait for councelling both services are free. He truely does need to see a doctor but it will be difficult to get him to admitt it. Good luck, I hope it goes well with you both.

Answer 2

The reason he wont get anyone is because he's depressed and feels sorry for himself, so people don't want to be around him. He probably thinks that getting a girlfriend will make him happy, but in reality he has to become happy first otherwise he'll remain trapped in a vicious circle. People are attracted by positivity.

He should get some counseling or pick up some good self help books. Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers is good.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

Sounds like your friend has low self esteem - I feel that confidence is more attractive in a man than his looks, if someone isn't happy with the way they are it knocks confindence and it seem to go round in a circle.

Your friend needs to ask himself who has critisised him in the past, and accept that the critisism was saying more about the person doing the critisising - this is what I have done and have buried many issues about the way I feel about myself.

You sound a very good friend - good luck to your friend

Answer 5

Negative self talk is very dangerous to the psyche and your friend needs to recognise that negative self talk is keeping him where he is. THis negative view is fulfilling a self fulfilling prophacy - basically he is telling himself he is a loser and destined to be alone nad therefore it will happen.

He probably needs to talk to someone about his low self image and why he is so down on himself. What was his family life like - negative putdowns usually stem from someone who has been critical of him.

All the self help books and the 7 habits of successful people all cite the same thing - don't put your self down, looks has absolutely nohing to do with being happy, its all about attitude. Your friend gets up in the morning and says "I am ugly and I am never going to succeed in getting a girl and I am loser........................blah, blah , blah and he believes it and in turn moulds his destiny. If he believes he is destined to be alone and sad all is life he will be, because he is aimed for.

A similar looking guy , similar back ground who gets out of bed and says "you lucky devil, I bet the girls are lining up, lets go out there and live life, I am good looking, I believe in myself, I am going to win......................and he will be be successful because he has told himself a message - positive self talk.

Your friend needs to shake himself out of his apathy and loser negative self talk and go out there and embrace life. He needs to realise that while he has all his facalties and his legs and arms - he is Russel Crowe, he is James Brown, he is Robbie Williams. Robbie Williams is not that good looking and also suffers from depression but on his better days he gets what he wants.

I can't think of any guy out there who is good looking (as beauty is in the eye of the beholder) but really what makes them successful is their positive up beat views and not their negative self talk.

Tell your friend to stop carrying on and go out there and get them tiger. Also most fellas these days are not married at 27 they are still out there having a good time. these days most fellas and women are not married until they are 35 so tell your frend to go out there and have a good time. Look for some books on the internet or in the new age section about altering attitude and embracing life. good luck.

Answer 6

awwwwwww. I'm not sure what you could do. Just keep reassuring him that he's ok looking, and stuff. There's not much I can think of.

Answer 7

maybe he should do something to raise his confidence

Answer 8

He sounds very "insecure, dumb and unattractive" Could you be reffering to yourself, Ali, hmm?...I already flagged you, don't respond to any of my questions!!!

Answer 9

maybe he is a shirtlifter