I want my step-dad as a husband.?

Question

7 years ago my mom married my step-dad. She passed away a couple years ago and my step-dad has stepped up and taken care of my little brother and I.

Early on in puberty I had this strong desire to be around my step dad constantly, my feelings for him have grown stronger and stronger over time.

I graduated from high school 2 years ago at age 16, have entered college and dated guys, but still have this obsession of wanting to be with my step-dad forever as his wife.

I don't feel as if i'm in need of any counseling, I'm rather mature for my age. This past weekend I poured out my feelings to my step-dad and he now know's exactly how i feel about him.

I asked him if he would feel comfortable going on a date with me. He was speechless, said he would have to think on this for awhile.

Our ages I'm 18 now nearing age 19, and he is 52 an a retired naval officer with a good pension and has a job with the government now as a civilian.

Would like other opinions please.

I've discussed my feelings with my brother, my grandparents and my priest. My brother has no problem with this at all, my grandparents are my only living relatives, my mom was an only child, so were both my grand parents. and they were a bit concerned at first but they know my step-dad, they know me, and my accomplishments and abilities.

My mother and I discussed this very subject when she was alive. She and I were very close and she knew her time was short and she told me to follow my heart that her husband was a great, loving kind man and she also said that i should think very hard on this and make sure I could handle the age difference.

I've dated numerous guys my age, they aren't with it, they act like children and they are in college. I'll graduate next year, I have a grade point average of 3.98 I work a full-time job at a law office as a legal assistant and attend classes full-time. I live in Utah and I'm not a Mormon neither is my Step-Dad.

Answer 1

Hi Ash,

This isn't an uncommon event in the lives of step-parents and step-children. As i read this question you must have been somewhere around 12-13 when you started to have feelings for your step-dad. There isn't anything wrong with this type of thought process at that age.

Graduating from High School and now in your 2nd year of college show's that you are highly intelligent and that you have direction and goals, signs of a strong will & character.

Informing your step dad of your feelings proves that you have strength of character. You don't beat around the bush, you are forthright and not afraid to speak your mind.

I assume you have considered the age difference and have no problem with this huge gap in age. If you marry your step dad, one thing is for sure you'll have a nice tidy income that will be of great benefit once he passes away. He'll do that you know and you will more than likely be nearing your 40's when that happens.

I had to sit and think about this, after doing this and reading your question several times. I honestly believe you appear to be a very level headed young lady far more mature than your years.

You are all grown up and i'd say if your step dad will think hard on this you might both find the happiness you seek in a married relationship.

I noticed that you never mentioned a word about any sexual contact with him in the past, so i take it you would prefer that would wait until after marriage takes place, and perhaps you will desire children where the step-dad may not want to start a new family at his age. Have you considered this in your thinking?

In anycase, i wish you the best and support your desire to marry your step-dad. Good luck, you may email me with an update on how this turns out in the future. [e-mail]. Good Luck!

Answer 2

I realize that you aren't blood related so this is a possibility for you. However, I think it's a bad idea. He is a father figure for you & your brother. He should remain as such. It's more important for him to be that than for you two to go out & find it's not going to work. Then, things will just be very weird between you two. Plus, you have to think about your brother's feelings. How does he feel about this? This could be a very bad influence on him & cause a lot of confusion for him. I know you can't control your feelings so no matter what you decide you'll feel the way you're feeling about him possibly for a very long time. However, you need to look at the whole picture & not just think about how you have to be with him because you have a strong desire to. Think about what your mother would think, too. How would she feel about this if she were still here? Just be careful. It sounds like a bad situation, but I could be wrong~

Answer 3

Wow! Sounds like you are a very driven type young lady. I have read this question many times. I appears as if you know what you want and are going for it.

Nothing wrong with how you feel. Seems to me you have been nurturing your feelings for sometime and now after having demonstrated your ability and your maturity you are pursuing your desires.

This must have been really difficult for you to approach your family about this. No one know's more about the situation than you and your family. It took courage to do this, have to give you credit for that for sure.

My Daughter and I have read your question she is 24 I'm 51, with the information you have provided we believe you should pursue this. If your step father is willing. Your brother appears to accept your decision.

We wish you the very best of luck with this, God Bless You, and we will pray that this works out for you.

We actually think you are a very bright, mature young woman, and you have covered all the bases. Go for it.

Answer 4

When you want someone to take care of you it is somewhat normal to want someone who is loving. He is obviously a very nice person. So you are drawn to him. Just think about how you may feel in ten or twenty years. From experience I can tell you that what you want when you are twenty will not be what you want when you are thirty.

It is a little disturbing probably to him that you asked him on a date. He as a grown man was probably not quite sure how to respond to his wife's daughter. Yes you are not related by blood, but if he was a good husband at all to your mother, he will decline and you will not have to answer the question.

Please rethink this path as it may also be disturbing for your brother who looks to this man as a father also.

Mature or not sweety, this may require a little professional help because obviously you look to older men for some reason or another.

Answer 5

possibly you could evaluate counseling. Your daugher is in all possibility having a coarse time with issues. She has to handle shifting from her domicile, coping together with her step mom, adjusting to existence with you and her step-dad. She's in all possibility resenting the actual shown fact that your husband is disciplining her. She ought to think of that with the aid of fact he's no longer her actual dad, she does not ought to hearken to him. same together with her step-mom. you could no longer ought to choose for between your daughter or your husband. She's your daughter and stands out as the main serious factor on your existence yet on an analogous time she should additionally comprehend that she will't control you into picking her. you ought to learn new how you could take care of issues of out coming up stress between everybody. good success, i'm hoping you all can artwork issues out.

Answer 6

Sincerely, if I would be in your step dad's place, the memory of your mother would be reason enough not to do it. Just think about it... He was with YOUR OWN MOTHER. On top of everything, you seem to have had feelings for him since before your mother passed, which is sick and twisted. Not to mention that you are a VERY young girl (hormones raging and everything) and he is a mature man, much too mature for you. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can offer him what he wants in a WOMAN (not a girl, because you are still a girl) or that he will be giving you what you want (fun, going out etc.). You are two people with very different needs, at two very different stages in your lives. Try to forget about it and find someone your own age....

Answer 7

I'm not going to call you sick or anything other names have but look at this in a different light i think this man gave you something in your life in regards to being a father figure you were lacking and you attached yourself to that and the feelings turned a little in the wrong direction. i do honestly think you love this man and i don't think your in love with him maybe the idea of what kind of man he is is what your in love with. the qualities he posses what he has stood up and done for you and your brother. when your mother passed away. think how much he loves your mother even though she is no longer alive. think on it get counseling don't try to date your step father........think how your mother would feel if she were alive.

Answer 8

well thats seems wrong. but if you beleave in super natural, maybe your mother is trying to tell you to be with him. on the other hand he may also be the love of your life. ask your self how would my little brother feel if i am having sex with the same man that my mom exchanges body fluids with. on the other hand you will not know how you really feel about the situation until the morning after you have sex with him. i think you should do what ever you feel like doing because you only live once, and infact tomorrow is not promise.

Answer 9

This is an issue that needs more help/advice than people on Yahoo Answers! should be able to provide. Although, you don;t feel the need for counseling this is an issue that screams for professional attention.

Additional Comments

You are describing intellectual maturity, but you have not described in real world experiences in life. You have dated guys your own age, but your feelings about your step-dad probably doomed the relationships. Your step-dad can't be comfortable with the idea; if he says not please leave him alone about it.

Answer 10

I am not sure if you are not confusing the love you feel for your Step-Dad as father with romantic love. Be careful in your decisions because they not only affect you but your step-dad and your younger brother. I would hesitant to enter in any kind of relationship such as this. You need to be sure of your feelings.