Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 or 3 that includes these tv show quotes?

Question

1. Today I have a chance to join the human race for a few hours.
2. Aw geez what a bunch that is: A meathead, A dingbat, a woman's lib and a bald headed kid.
3. Sometimes doing something is worse than doing nothing .
4. Nip it! NIP IT IN THE BUD!!
5. A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.
6. His idea of culture is an undershirt with sleeves.

Answer 1

'What the hell are you doing Peter - you look like you have been dragged five miles through the snow - what's your problem' I could not believe my eyes when I saw my son. It was now almost 2pm on Boxing Day, and he was still wearing his pyjamas. 'Have you been on a bender all over Christmas' I asked even though there was no evidence of the fact. 'No Dad' he said in a low, slow voice 'it's the tenth anniversary - you know. I still feel the pain'. 'Look' I said knowing exactly how he felt 'I've been there, but this is no good. Nip it! Nip it in the bud'. 'And what do you suggest' he sneered.
'Watch your step, young man' he was beginning to annoy me with his self-pity 'you are not the first to go through it and as sure as eggs are eggs, you surely won't be the last. Now come on, move your ar*se and get changed. I know exactly what we are going to do'.
Peter got up and scratched 'Come on, move' I encouraged him. He made the way to his bedroom where, once he began to get dressed, I left him and ran the shower. Moments later, he was having a good clean-up and ten minutes later, he looked a little like his old self. He dressed quickly and we moved back downstairs.
'Listen to me Peter' I urged, 'sometimes doing something is worse than doing nothing, but what we are going to do to-day, will, I guarantee you, put things into perspective'. 'No parties Dad' he pleaded, 'I don't want a little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants. I don't think I could take it'. 'No, you twit' I joked 'it's something we should have done a few years back. Today, I have a chance to join the human race for a few hours'.
We got into my car and I drove us away from his street and made our way down to the East End. We parked in the Hospital Car Park, which was free for a change. In this area, any cash boxes in the ticket machines wouldn't last ten minutes. 'Who's sick Dad' Peter asked 'not Mom, is she' he asked with a little panic in his voice. Since it had happened all those years ago, he had a dread of hospitals. I wasn't much better. 'Don't worry sunshine - no problem - nothing to worry about' I put his mind at rest as we entered the main entrance.
A quick look at the directions and away we went, down corridors, up stairs, more corridors. 'Good God' I said to Peter 'but you wouldn't want to be injured coming in here, would you'. Peter was still bemused and just laughted. As we came to the waiting area outside the Children's Ward, I could see a group sitting around.
'Ah geez' Peter exclaimed, but kept his voice down 'what a bunch that is: a meathead, a dingbat, a woman's lib and a bald headed kid. Should I know any of them. Is that why we are here'. 'No' I replied taking in the people 'only another couple of minutes, I promise'. The meathead was well suited to the name Peter had given him as he was obviously a porter from the local meat market and I bet his idea of culture is an undershirt with sleeves. The dingbat, a woman in her middle fifties, was obviously a rambler from the Psychiatric ward and was having a great conversation with the drinks machine. The woman's lib lady was so manly dressed that she was obviously also a lesbian and probably waiting for her other half, probably a nurse. 'But who cares' I said aloud. 'Who cares what, Dad' Peter asked in surprise. 'Lets just say' I replied 'that she would not be diasppointed with a holiday in Holland'. 'What on earth are you on about' Peter asked, truly puzzled. 'All those big dykes, Pete' I laughed.
The bald headed kid was partly the reason for our being here, and he had obviously recently undergone either Keimo Therapy or an operation. Minutes later, on seeing the Ward Sister, I made an approach. 'Sister I can give you a contact number at the local Police Station who will vouch for me' I spoke slowly 'and the reason we are here is to give a visit to any child whose parents are unable to be here for whatever reason'. The Ward Sister smiled and said 'No need Paddy, I still recognise you. How long have you been retired'. It was Katherine Kelly. She had for three months worked with me at the local station but decided to return to nursing. 'As a matter of fact' Katherine added 'there is one young boy, aged 7 who has not had a visit for two days, his mother was injured in the same accident as his father and the other relatives live up in Scotland. His name is Gordon - see what you can do'.
Peter looked at me in amazement and I realised that it was only now that it was dawning on him what was going on. Sister took us through the ward to a bed in the back corner. 'Is that you Gordon, you wee rascal' I called out loudly so that the nearby children could hear ''tis your uncle Paddy and Peter all the way from Glasgow to see you'. I winked at Peter and it was only then that I noticed a tear in his eyes.
'I remember' Peter sobbed 'what Grandad used to say - that 'I cried because I had no shoes, until I met the man who had no feet'. I now understand why you brought me here. Thanks Dad, today I also have a chance to join the human race for a few hours, lets make the best of it. Gordon - 'tis a Gordon for me, a Gordon for me, if you're no a Gordon you're no use to me,.................'he began to sing - very badly I might add.
Peter was back to his old self, at least for another year until the same sad memory came around once again to haunt him...................

Answer 2

As Jack walked into the room Sally reported, "Aww, geeze......here comes the meathead." Jack replied, "Don’t get pushy you knothead!" Sally replaced into taken decrease back via this assertion. She began to furnish Jack a chilly stare. "You a instructor appropriate," reported Sally, "i choose for educatin’. start up teachin." Jack replied, "What interior the tarnation’s it look like I’m doing? "It sounds such as you stopped attempting" hissed Sally. "As my previous pappy used to assert, if at first you do no longer prevail, attempt something else," reported Jack. "that's my something else. Sally asked, "Are you in basic terms going to end then?" Jack appeared into the sunset and then spoke those words, "the only time you ever end once you're winnin' is when you have gained all of it."