What should a wife do when her husband is going through a midlife crises if she wants to keep him?

Question

My husband is obvisouly going through a midlife crises. He is suddenly unhappy with his life. He is blaming me. He is somewhat unsuccessful at being a provider, and we are in horrible financial shape. We have a large family and it will be devastating on the children to split up. We have always been very close and he has never really expressed much dissatisfaction in me before. Now he says I have always been too hard on him. I am shocked, hurt and extremely emotional. I have tried everything I know, but it's hard because none of this makes sense to me. Can anyone tell me what I can do to actually help him through this and keep him?

Answer 1

Be patient and try to be understanding. He may be convinced that he doesn't want what he has, but if he's never been unhappy then you know better. One person can save a marriage even if the other does not seem to want it to work if you have faith in your union.

My husband and I went through the same thing. We were separated and I was miserable. He said and did some horrible things and he did blame me at the time. He made excuses for his behavior and seemed uncaring and cold for months. I would look for the softness in his eyes and heart and it was still there from time to time, so I didn't give up.

You can come through this but you have to try to find ways to keep your sanity while he does this. For me, I went to church and to counseling and spent time with friends and family. I came to realize that I was not at fault this was just something he was going through.

I know it is devastating now during the holidays as that's when I went through it. It helped me to stay strong in front of him even though I was falling apart with my family and inside. Our finances went to h*ll and we are just now getting back to where we can pay our bill comfortabaly. But it sucked because I was maintaining the household on my own.

Now that he is back we've worked on the relationship quite a bit. He says that he never stopped loving me and that some thing in him just snapped. He really did have a huge stress in his life at the time - though he didn't have to make the choices that he did.

It also helped to visit some website where others were experiencing the same.

midlife.com
http://midlifeclub.com/

Good luck. Hang in there.. email me if you want.

Answer 2

I think your husband is depressed and not going through a midlife crisis. He's unhappy coz he's unseccessful financially. He's blaming you coz he doesn't know what to do, he is actuallyblaming himself but he knows it's not your fault. You have always been at his side no matter what, don' let this rough time change that. Just be patient and things will get better when he'll start making more money. Divorce will split the family and hurt the kids. Just be there for him and try to talk to him and help him cheer up. Tell him that you love him and will be here no matter what. I really hope things get better soon.

Answer 3

Awe...don't get a devorce! Don't let financial situations lead to it either! You know what hes going through..."midlife crises". So don't take it personally...deep down he does love you and is happy with what you two have done together in life. Think of "midlife crises" as sickness. If he wasn't happy about the life you two have together..he would have showed dissatifaction. Divorce is never a soulution..its like suicide.... permanent solution, for a tempary problem. You two will get through it..just wish I had the wisdom to help you..im only 18.

Answer 4

I want you to know I feel for you. First, you have to take care of you because if you don't no one else will. You are clearly in the fight of your life. So you gotta be on top with your best A-game. Eat well, excercise (easy to say, right.) get a fee-based- on income apointment to a therapist. Start getting some advisors in your court, start working a building a higher standard for yourself.Next start reading some positive books like "Your Best Life Now" by Joel Osteen or "The Purpose Driven Life" Don't whine, face it it doesn't work. Also, keep your judgements positive. I can feel you negativity all the way here.
Then start some Debt counseling for the both of you and follow thru! Spend time just listening actively and positively. And remember: Pray. Aim High. Stay Focused. Peace sister.

Answer 5

Every marriage is worth saving even if their are no children. It looks like he's going trough some tough times now and if it means your support to help him trough it let him have it. I see you already talked to him and he expressed that you are always hard on him. Well don't take it word for word, I'm sure he didn't mean the word always. It's an expression we all say and the words always and never are words that should not be in marriages. The words that should mean much is for better or for worst. It's a trying time for both of you and everyone goes trough this differently so just continue to be your loving self and pray for endurance.

Answer 6

To start with don't be a door mat.I know he is going through something he doesn't quit understand.But being there for him doesn't mean allowing him to treat you pourly either.I come from a large family and most of which are men.And when they get to blaming someone else it usually means they are trying to push their guilt for something they have done or are doing off on someone else.So they don't have to take responsibilty for what they have done.Are you sure he isn't cheating and trying to set you up has they bad guy.I mean using your supposed hardness has an excuse for him to get away with what he is doing.A lot of men when they go through this get involved with younger woman to make themselves feel younger and stronger.Luckily when my husband went through his midlife ordeal earlier this year.All he did was go out and buy a harley and start building a car to start racing again.But through his crisis I was supportive of what he wanted and I knew how men start trying to regain the studlyness at this point so I pretty much kissed his tushy and constantly told him how handsome and sexy he was so he wouln't feel the need to find someone else to make him feel that way.I love my husband dearly but in the process of his ordeal if he would have treated me the way yours is you.He would have found himself in divorce court losing have his crap including half that new harley.What your husband is doing is called mental abuse and he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.

Answer 7

First, don't burden yourself with the idea of "keeping" someone. Your concerned about your husband and that is understandable. But he is distorting reality. It sounds as if he is depressed. So he is not thinking to clearly. I would strongly suggest he speak to a counselor. Only because he can tell them things that he may not want to tell you. That is not a bad thing or reflection on you. It just might lift him up abit to get it off his chest. Guys feel emasculated when they can not provide for their families like they expect too. And when they look in the mirror they may realize life is shorter than they thought. And they are not in the place in life they thought they would be when they are at this age. Most of America is in the same boat, financially speaking. But what might help him is to rediscover himself and his relationship with you. Not only that, but what also might help is discovering a new interest, not love interest but something he enjoys doing. Be it a hobby, or taking a class at a Community College to possibly help him with his financial status. Something that takes his mind off of his troubles. Focuses on something else. My husband was forced to retire early. He thought this would be great at first then he feel into a slump. Wasn't like his old self you could say. I had decided to return to college. He went with me one day and passed by an art class. They were working on glass fusion. I saw how his eyes just lit up and I coaxed him to go in and talk to the students and the instructor. He did and still works with fusion of glass and does stained glass pieces. He found a new passion that ignites his spirit. And you being his wife, knows probably what he likes and you will see it in his eyes and know. Suggest a few things to him, and that you will even go with him if need be to break the ice. I say this to you because, this brought my husband out of his slump. We will be celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary. And he came up to me unexpectedly one day and said, "Will you marry me,,,again?" So we will be starting a new life over again for the next 30 years. Smile... So hang in there, be patient with him and love him through this though he may be a real pain. I wish you and your husband a new life together and a Merry Christmas!

Answer 8

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/CjR6l

Answer 9

He is blaming you making you look like it is your fault so he can feel better. My EX did the same to me and still does. He is not going ro chane unless he wants to. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side. He more than likly has a girlfriend or someone he is intrested in. You are better then that.

Answer 10

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I suspect Spike is just going through the typical male mid life crisis. He may have, um, issues. Do they make doggy Viagra?