ladies please.dont judge me but am i the only woman who didnt take to motherhood easily?

Question

im 28,spent 10 years at university for a great career,which i now have.i love my son with all my heart but in the beginning i found it difficult.did anyone else find it hard? xxx

Answer 1

as long as you love your child - with all your heart - no-one has the right to tell you that are wrong in what in you say.

becoming a parent is hard on the body, the mind and the spirit. i suffered very bad PND and almost took my own life - not because i did not love my child, but i somehow felt that she would better off with me, i had a deep sadness eating at the heart of me :-(

thankfully, i am now fully recovered for one year:-) i love my child with all that i am and all that i do. parenting is hard - don't be hard on yourself too!

Answer 2

anyone who tells you that they Adapted to motherhood without a problem is a liar.. I don't care if you are 20 or 40, you are never completely prepared for motherhood.. I sure wasn't..I had severe depression mixed with anxiety. there were many times I thought I was going to lose my mind..I was a good mom but lets face it kids don't come with instructions..Motherhood is the most rewarding job you will ever have but it's also the hardest..no amount of training prepares you for all those challenges..it's ok to admit "I need help".. I only did that when I was awake (lol). U are r great mom...I know just because u are asking 4 help...it's parents who don't ask for help..that get in trouble. GL

Answer 3

Ask any one with several children; they will say they have a favourite child; ask them if they have a child who was difficult to love, and the answer will be reluctant - no-one wants to admit that they felt they didn't bond with their baby, or found motherhood hard.
There is a perception that all women know instinctively what to do when they give birth; how to feel; what the right thing is to do all the time.
Realistically - we have no training for motherhood. We only know what we learned from our family of origin. Loving and caring sometimes take time to come in.
I am the eldest of 5, and I was expected to help with the rearing of my siblings. This was the practical training that I knew. however, my mother believed in "spare the rod and spoil the child".
She "knew" that children were born naturally bad, and that you had to beat them to get the badness out of them. These were the beliefs I was raised with.
When I had my own first child, I was utterly terrified. I loved her with all my heart, but I could not cope with her. I was afraid that I would resort to my own mother's ways of abuse to shut my baby up when she cried. I tried so hard to be a good mom, and I got better at it. As my own came along, I learned more stuff. I wish I had the knowledge then that I do now in my middle fifties. My poor daughter had to take the brunt of my learning.
Of course you found it difficult.
It is a life changing event - just because it's an everyday occurence should not diminish it's importance. You came from being in control of your own life to being totally responsible for another human being's survival. Of course it was hard. Nothing worthwhile comes easily. I love my eldest child with a fierce protective love; and I think the fierceness of it was born out of my initial difficulties.

Answer 4

No woman has the right to judge you, nothing prepares you for being a mother. A lot of people assume, wrongly, that simply by virtue of your gender it must somehow come naturally, and that isn't the case.
I grew up with my grandparents, I didn't have a bond with my natural mother, I didn't quite know what a 'mother' did in all honesty.
My first child was a diffcult birth, and I found it incredibly hard to bond with him for the first few weeks, I had terrible post natal depression and like the lady above, considered just ending it all because I was so scared I was going to be the same sort of mother to my child that mine was to me.
I was fortunate ot have the best health visitor possible, and she helped me so much, simply by reminding me that there is no book that accompanies birth. We all just pick it up as we go along, hopefully with a lot of support from family and friends, and a supportive partner. Somewhere along the line for me, something kicked in and I just fell in love with my child.
Society will make you feel 'bad' if you don't instantly take to motherhood, but they shouldn't. it's not the same for all of us. You love your son and that's the most important aspect of all

Answer 5

Yes you are not alone, I was 36 and found it very hard to lose who I am and all I have done to become MOM but I feel so great with every accoplishment my 3 year old son makes. It is a tough job, but the end results are grand

Answer 6

Absolutley! I have 2 children and both times found the transition difficult to begin with, and if I am honest I still do at times, it doesnt mean we dont love them any more than a "natural" mother, whatever that is?

Answer 7

I think a lot of us find it hard...I know I did....we are sold the "perfect mother" perfect baby" "perfect marriage" crap......but in reality most of us find it hard to adapt to the huge change in our lives. There is a lot of pressure put on us to have a successful career while being the perfect mother and wife....unfortunately not many of us achieve it.....So don't be to hard on yourself

Answer 8

I am a mother of 2 and at times i find it very difficult , i think every mother goes through difficult times with their child/ren

Answer 9

It's hard bein a mom PTSD, is a lot of it. My mama was the same way. It's just something women go through.

Answer 10

I'm sure millions of women have found it difficult at some level. I know it from seeing what my mom went through with me.