How can somebody effectively stop complaining to much?

Question

I have a problem, I realize that I complain and nag to much, but don't know how to stop. I have tried before, and it seems to change temporarily, but then it goes back to normal. I have a control problem. for example, if i am the only one at home cleaning and nobody elso will help.
Say the husband and kids are just playing a game or something and I am cleaning up after them.
Lets say I ask them to pick something up I and considered always bichin about something. Oh and he and I both work to.
I am on the verge of getting a divorce. He is so mean and hateful to me and sometimes says cruel things to the kids and says that I made him that way
How to I stop carrying it overboard?

Answer 1

I was going to say, find something beautiful to talk about, but that's not your problem. Your problem, from what you've said, is that you feel under-appreciated, and you'd like some help around the house.

If your children are old enough to walk upright without falling down all the time (age 3 and up), give them some chores around the house, like picking up papers or putting away the utensils after they're washed and dried.

Stop trying to control everything in your house; as you've seen, it doesn't work. Let your husband have some responsibilities too, and if he doesn't do them, let them sit there until they're done. He'll get the message, and so will your children.

As for you, you have to make a concerted effort to not nag them if something isn't done. Unless it's causing a fire hazard or your house is getting seriously junky, just let it go. Teach your family to say thank you when you've done something for them, and you say thank you to your husband and your children too. Teach by example.

Get together and have a family clean-up day, where you get rid of everything that you are not using in your house. That includes the garage and the attic. Have three boxes/bins handy, one for garbage, one for stuff to be given away and one for storage/stuff that will stay. If it's garbage, throw it away and make sure it doesn't come back into the house. At the end of the day, take the give-away stuff to your local Goodwill store or homeless shelter. As for the other things, put them away and make sure they always have a place to be. Good luck.

P.S.: By the way, you didn't make him hateful and mean, that's all on him. You don't get in his head and make him say mean things, he has to be made accountable for that. It's coming from his brain, not yours, and don't you dare take any flack for that!

Answer 2

I can only speak from personal experience.
I've found when my life was out of balance and I was brooding about work or money issues, my tolerance for minor issues eroded significantly. If the same is true for you and your spouse, it gets amplified because neither of you is happy.
My wife and I made a pact many years ago to spend time together each day to ourselves, for ourselves. It isn't anything profound, but a good 20 minute walk after work with the dog just to "see how your day has gone dear" makes a huge difference and it provides a sense of peace and calm.
Negative behavior for me has always come from feeling "trapped" or stressed in some way. I've learned to balance it and recognize when I feel that way and I've found specific areas of joy to balance it that release the stress. It can be as simple as sitting down with the kids to help with a project, playing catch in the back yard, or that walk I mentioned earlier.
Wherever you find joy and particularly where you find your calm center, do it daily and reward yourself. For me, that's made me a better person, better husband, and parent.

Answer 3

They need to help around the house. I've lived in a similar situation and husband and stepson can be slobs. My neighbor does absolutely everything in her home and it drives her ragged.

When I'm not angry I tell my husband that I'm not the only one who lives here and I need help - that I can't do it alone and shouldn't be expected to because it's not fair for one person to do everything for everybody all of the time...

We've been through a lot and he's finally realized that running a household alone can be overwhelming. I hope things get better for you. You have a right to complain. You have the short end of the stick like a lot of women do.

Answer 4

Some lovely answers there. Maybe you have to look a little inside.Start loving and appreciating yourself and allow some imperfection. Then you will find the time and ways to communicate with the people that are important to you. Maybe we all need some more appreciation. We can start giving it to ourselves and then we see how good that feels.

Answer 5

If you figure it out, please tell my wife! I used to be such a nice, loving person, but her nagging and complaining has turned me into a bitter, sarcastic ******. Thing is, I NEVER start the arguments. I only respond to something she says. When she gets mad at me for it, I say "huh... so I gues you can dish it out, but you can't take it, eh? Don't start none, won't BE none."

Answer 6

Put a sign on refridgerator...I f you can't say somthing nice..don't say anything!
Your family could benefit from family counseling too!