I feel trapped what should I do?

Question

I'm a senior in high school and for most of my time in school I've wanted to be friends with this one group in particular but I always felt held back. Mianly because I felt obligated to be friends with people who kind of attached to me and wouldn't really have any friends if it weren't for me. But anyway they all seem to have moved away or lost interest in me so at the end of last year I decided that the next year I would not worry about it so much, that I would try not to feel guilty because I had been held back for so many years and figured its senior year I should try to enjoy it as much as I can and make up for lost time. But anyway, I'm so shy that even though they seemed to be very friendly and seemed to give me an opening to be friends with them, I couldn't do it and nothing ever came of it. I tried getting a myspace to talk with them over the internet to show that I wanted to open up a little and stay in touch but i couldn't take the stress and got rid of it, I think upsetting them a little in the process, they were happy I got one. I recently got it back, but the stress is just killing me again and I think I'm getting rid of it again soon. Anyway, the last few months nothing really happened with this group A, but then another girl i like from group B worked on a project with me and one day asked me to sit at lunch with them for one day. I did for the one day but didn't want to look like I had chosen one group over the other because group A has been equally inviting over the years, so I just stopped going to lunch. This has complicated things so much and I just feel trapped. It's made my depression a lot worse, and lately, where I used to try to mingle in groups, I just sit by myself and don't talk, and I'm probably ruining my chances of having friends, but it's gotten to the point where I can't honestly say I care if I'm friends with them sometimes, but other times it just kills me, like when I see pictures of them together and think of what I could've had it makes me so depressed. I'm just getting ready to give up on the whole thing, since I only have a few months to go. Do you think I should do that?

Answer 1

Honestly, Dear, friendship doesn't require this kind of stress. Be receptive to any overtures and stop trying to turn the pursuit of friendship into some sort of political campaign. It doesn't take that kind of planning or preparation. Appreciate the friends you have and stop thinking that you are doing THEM a favour by letting them hang around you. Be the kind of friend that you want others to be to you.

Answer 2

Your stressing over something that 5 years from now you will think my gosh that was a lot of nothing.
High school is like a total pain. Just forget about the 'friend' thing if it happens great. Be nice to everyone and sign the yearbooks and move on with life.

Answer 3

First off you are worrying waaaay too much about little things like having a myspace. And what is so special about one certain group of friends, and what is so wrong about the friends you have now. You say they wouldn't have any friends if you weren't friends with them, but it sure sounds the other way to me.

It sounds to me that you are way overly worried about what people think of you. You are over-critical of yourself. It also sounds like you have some sort of social anxiety disorder and you not being able to cope with it is feeding your depression. I would talk to your parents about getting you a therapist, or just wait until you are 18( if you aren't already) and find one yourself to help you get over your social anxiety. He/she will teach you how to manage this stress you are feeling and will help you feel more comfortable with people.

Answer 4

I would say take one friend from group A, mix with two friends from group B, mix with butter and flour and you should get the perfect friend. Or you could go to myspace and chat with space aliens, who will tell you to focus only on group A, therfore leaving out the positive influences of group B. Or you could just stay the heck away from places like myspace. You choose.

Answer 5

Im think that the problem isnot choose group A or B......that a syntome,the thing that worry me more is YOU.Today is the school tomorrow is the Job s partner.....the relationship with yourself and with others......start with that and the rest will be easy to resolve.
In the meantimebe open and friendly with everybody., leave a nice image ofyou,keep smiling......but work on yourself!!! You need to feel more confortable with yourself because feel shy is not good, Imsure you are a very sensitive and good person ......a lot to offer!!
My advice to you would be to tale theatre lessons,express yourself! You will feel MUCH better!!

Answer 6

i'm trapped in my old existence. there's a sparkling existence too, however the old nonetheless follows me around fantastically as quickly as I ought to bodily take care of it. extremely there's no decision, this is barely an albatross I ought to handle till it is going away. it ought to never pass away. I even have already run to the utmost mountain, however the catch continues to be there. in line with possibility the only treatment is yet another "awakening". Cheers.

Answer 7

I think you should focus on one person. It's easier to deal with social stress when your efforts are focused and up-front. The situation could be better than you think. Try to be yourself, take risks, and don't try to be something you're not, like a myspace devotee. You can make it through this. And go to lunch. It's important to eat.

Answer 8

yeah you really should. friendship is like analytical algebra. listen, your psyche and emotions are trying to remind you of exactly why you're not compatible with this new group of friends to begin with. you can't force the friendship, now, though you should not have allowed your being uncomfortable in your own skin to push you into the friendship with the original group that moved on in the first place, you can't allow the fact that you have an opportunity that you'd missed out on for all of these years to allow your curiousity to force you into a friendship that may or may not have been good enough for you to have to begin with. you really need a group C; a fresh start with people who don't know your social history and can't use it to your disadvantage.

this is the only thing i've learned over my 34 years; the people who are attracted to you are the only real friends that you have, regardless of how you treat them and regardless of whether or not you're really comfortable being friends with them to begin with. friends you have to seek out and pursue, those type of friendships can unravel quickly, despite their taking forever to establish. but you can't let anyone dictate to you who your friends truly are, it's all about your being the type of friend that YOU want to be, to whom you want to be it for. now if your friends were attracted to you for the wrong reasons, because of something that you initiated or acted or said that you were that you weren't, then that's something you'll have to live with. i'd try it without friendship for a while just to see what happens, and who comes into your life and who doesn't.

all that is going to happen is that you'll continue to attract people that you're not totally sure if you're good for or not, and you have to find a way to deal with those situations, rather than allowing them to resolve themselves. you can't allow the infatuation of a new friendship to place you at odds with who you truly are as an individual.

Answer 9

I know how that feels, when I was at my old school, I'd always hang out w/ my buddies, and my brother, we were both on the football team, but then one day I just got tired of it, I can't stand my bro, I hate him alot, so I changed schools, and made new friends, thats not really the reason I changed schools but it's part of it!!!!

Answer 10

Kids from preschool to high school are continuously motivated and pressured to fit in with their peers. Beginning as early as elementary school, many kids respond by forming and/or joining tight-knit groups of friends who share similar interests and values. During the teen years these group formations can be less casually and more rigidly formed, e.g., social "cliques," that individuals are accepted by—or excluded from.

As a ready-made groups of friends, cliques can help teens form relationships and a feeling of belonging. Identifying with a set group of friends or "clique" can help during the emotionally tumultuous years of adolescence—providing a safe haven of friends to socialize with, confide in, and feel supported by as they cope with the day-to-day issues of being a teen. To varying degrees, cliques can play a powerful role in shaping and reinforcing what they wear and say, how they relate to other classmates, how they respond to their studies, how they relate to teachers and other figures of authority, how they interact with their family, how they express their sexuality, what plans they make for after high school, and how they feel about themselves overall. The relationships a teen shares with friends and cliques during their junior high and high school years sets the stage for other intimate relationships as she or he grows and guides them when they are faced with tough choices to make about intimacy, drinking, drugs and other hazards.

Ideally, belonging to a set group of friends or "clique" can help a teen feel capable, cool and in control. Sometimes, however, the power of social cliques can cast a dark shadow. When a teen becomes part of a clique that formally or informally enforces conforming to negative and even dangerous behavior, whether it's snubbing or harassing other kids who don't belong to the clique, skipping school, shoplifting, engaging in unsafe sexual activity, or encouraging the use of alcohol and/or drugs, they can become susceptible to caving into negative peer pressure rather than determining and making choices from their own growing sense of what’s right and wrong.

Cliques don't always consist of the coolest kids in school. Kids who get shunned from the more popular cliques, or, for whatever reasons, just don't fit in with their peers in general, sometimes form "fringe" cliques. Or, they may simply become loners. Feeling ostracized and misunderstood, these teens may be even more susceptible to developing rebellious and self-destructive behavior.

How can a teen become empowered so that they are, as much as possible, equipped to capably cope with potential negative peer pressure and confidence-eroding cliques throughout their junior high and high school years? Each teen’s life situation is uniquely different and there is no one-size-fits-all formula for how to make it through adolescence stronger and wiser than when you began. For every teen, however, developing as big a network of friends and overall support system as possible is essential. Maintaining involvement with others in activities beyond just one small group’s influence can provide important additional personal self-definition and balance. Maybe for you it’s sports, or some aspect of the arts, or a community effort. Being at the "giving end" helps too—e.g., coaching a little kids’ soccer team, being a camp counselor, teaching a class at the local Y or skate park, volunteering for an organization that’s dedicated to an issue you’re particularly passionate about.

The "network" of those you can turn to and feel supported by could include peers (in a clique or not), but should also include others you trust and look up to. This might be an older sibling, your parent(s) or other family members. Or maybe it’s a teacher(s), coach, a friend’s parent(s), a community leader, or a professional counselor. Again, widening your personal "network" will increase your options and help you weather even the meanest cliques.

These suggestions might all sound simple, or like a cliché, or as if nobody really gets the complexity and intense difficulty of being a teen and facing the everyday pressures of school and how mean and hurtful cliques can. Hopefully, that’s not the case. Hopefully, this "simple" and very sincere advice helps.