He did this cause he said he was miserable for a year and a half. (which is not true) He had sex with this girl twice, the first time he said it was planned and the second time just happened. He also told me that when i went to work at night he would call her. Now he did this in November and didnt tell me until Dec. because he said he felt guilty and didnt want no one else to tell me. Now we get along and he lost his job right after he told me this stuff on the 4th of dec, I dont know how to trust him again. We have been together for 4 years and married 2. We have 2 boys together. How do i know hes going to be faithful and not cheat on me. Oh and the sex aspect of it he says since we are married we are supposed to do everything together during sex.(including going down on him) Someone please give me some advice I really dont have no one else to talk to. Merry Xmas.
2006-12-25 02:08:55 · 24 answers · asked by mel 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you believe that bull **** he told you? hey i got a bridge in new york i want to sell you
2006-12-25 02:12:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he lost his job right BEFORE he told you... and was worried about somebody else telling you. I think I would check that out first to be sure. He may not have felt guilty at all, only scared of not having a roof over his head and no place to go, not to mention him having to start over. I think (I personally) would be calling his X-Employer and the other woman and getting some specific dates and doing some comparing, this will tell you if he has not only cheated but lied to you as well, after the fact of his confession This information would surely help to "Make or Break" any trust you feel you have left in him. I would then go from there. If he has been honest with you and truely feels he had made a terrible mistake, then I can only say, None of us are perfect, and those that not only feel guilt, but also shame and regret, deserve another chance. As far as the sex... we can not make one anothers passion and desire for certain kinds of intimacy just disappear, we will always long for what we want/need. If not getting that from your mate, doesnt mean you necessarily go "LOOK" for it else where, but sometimes the opportunity finds you making you weak and vulnerable for the experience only.
2006-12-25 03:01:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
they always can find someone to blame their own bad behavior on, so they won't have to be accountable or be sorry. u never know if he will be faithful, but he is trying to make u do what u don't feel comfortable doing, just because it is something the other woman did with him. he lost his job so fat chance the other woman will want him now, so there he is back with u, as they say a bad penny will always come back. so u are suppose to believe it just happened, whoops look what happened , think he is not taking responsibility for the hurt he caused u, he is saying he planned it the first time, and it only happened twice, how much credibility can u put into his statements. he was not only unfaithful but stabbed u in the back when u went to work, time to get rid of him, he fails the test of seeking your forgiveness, he doesn't appear sorry either. file for divorce, seek custody, and child support, maybe he told u because miss home wrecker was about to. please get out of this marriage, i base my answer on past experience, where my ex wasn't sorry, and showed no remorse, without remorse or him wanting forgiveness, than he really doesn't feel he has wronged u, u can't compete with the home wrecker, and theres always a chance he will go back to her again, and break your hear all over again.
2006-12-25 04:07:27 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd leave him just for the part about "since you're married you are supposed to do everything together". He's a pig and he's trying to talk you into doing what the girlfriend did. You will NEVER know if he's going to be faithful again, and I'd say no because if you don't perform in bed like a circus monkey, and do whatever else HE wants, he's gonna go. So, help him out the door......for good.
2006-12-25 02:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's terrible. Sounds to me like he's not happy and he wants out only he doesn't want to hurt you. I think you should leave him because it's possible he would continue to cheat on you. If it was accidental then that's different but on purpose now if my husband did that to me it would be over. I'd forgive him because it's good to forgive but I don't think I could be with him anymore but if he did it accidently then I would forgive and stay with him because accidents do happen however from what you said the first time was planned that right there tells me that he's not happy with you sexual and he turned to someone else who was willing to give him whatever he wanted. It's sad that you two share 2 children but if your not happy with him and you feel that you can't trust him anymore then you shouldn't stay with him. When it comes to sex your not suppose to do everything together I mean if you and him wanted to then that's different but if you didn't feel like it then he should respect you. It's up to you but that's my opinion for you.
2006-12-25 03:38:49 · answer #5 · answered by Irish Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that we as women must deal with men who can't keep their fly's zipped!.. I am a firm believer in the statement that "there is never a reason to cheat". I don't accept cheating, and I don't understand how a woman can go on loving and living with a man who has been intimate with another woman during their marriage. Married couples enter a realm of love and intimacy that isn't supposed to be shared with anyone except your mate. Men will say "it was just sex", but the fact of the matter is, you gave a part of yourself to another person, and the trust factor is lost forever. Your children will still love you, and they will still love their father, the big question is, 'can you live with and forgive a cheater?'
2006-12-25 02:41:59 · answer #6 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It will never be the same, my husband cheated on me, and said the same excuses, but is never the same, you have to forgive n forget, n us as women do not know how to forget...am so sorry. On the other hand, the sex going down on him n stuff, if you are a loving couple that wants things to work out, you should do that both in the same way, don't make him go n find it somewhere else!
You have to do what is best for you, if you need time-off, take it both of you, so that everything clears up, n you learn to heal from his mistake.. Good Luck to you...
me? Am still struggling on the trust part, but he is trying is best :-)
2006-12-25 02:16:08 · answer #7 · answered by Maya 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Damn I hate when people give people that once a cheater always a cheater crap. That is so far from the truth of life. And we all need to stop spreading the lies that society pushes upon us or the ones we make to try and explain certain behaviors or things. Men and women cheat equally. Men do not have a monpoly on cheating. All women are not gold diggers.
I gather your marriage is in trouble and I am here to tell you that despite your thinking it was in trouble long before he slept with this woman. There was something wrong if you want to admit it or not. If you really want to save your marriage you are going to have to wade through the mess of it you both have made. Marriage is between two people and when it breaks it is because of two people because in actuality you are not two people but one. So you have to start thinking in terms of if he fails I fail and if she fails I fail. You both need to get some counseling together. Find out if what he is sayinbg is true or false only through counseling can you ascertain this. Don't sit back and say he is lying based on your hurt feelings. You are not being objective. I am not saying he is right but I am saying you owe it to him as your husband to at the very least hear and evaluate what he as to say.
Cheating in a marriage is very rarely for the sole purpose of sex by either male or female. Although, I must say as a man I plan to within reason to do everything that my wife wants say as to eliminate her feeling the need to stray. Some would say they need to grow up because they ask you to do what you don't want to but that's what love is. Love is doing for someone what you would not normally do. It is sacrifice. And I think that applies to him as well.
He needs to buck up and be a man. If he was mesirable he should have communicated that to you.
So to close get some help, open your mind, don't play the blame game, and if you truly love him remember love is forgiving just as through Jesus we are forgiven of our sins.
2006-12-25 02:38:24 · answer #8 · answered by Wordsmith 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has broken trust and the fact that he confessed it because of the guilt doesnt warrant brownie points. I am 37 and if and when cheated on again - I know for a fact I will DUMP the guy IMMEDIATELY because I know better and deserve better and dont have time for bull. If you stay with this dude, you can expect to be cheated on again and I doubt you will ever be able to fully trust him again. What if he gets "lonely" again? You need to do whats best for you and your children and setting yourself up for an STD you cant get rid of is not the answer you should be chosing. Good luck!
2006-12-25 02:14:35 · answer #9 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's full of it. The second time didn't "just happen" he made it happen and he knew exactly what he was doing. And as for losing his job, the best thing he can do is find another one. If that was my husband, he would need that job to pay child support and support himself. I'd be down on him alright but not in the way he thinks that I should.
2006-12-25 03:23:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am curious.... how could the first time be planned and the second not... hmmm...
I do not think that you will be able to trust him again. He continued to do something that was wrong and now that he lost his job and you are the one supporting him, of course he is going to tell you everything he thinks will make you stay with him.
2006-12-25 05:05:50 · answer #11 · answered by mydds07 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋