He says his erection doesn't stay for long especially after putting on the condom.Well, that's his explanation. Can i belive that?
2006-12-24 23:15:25 · 29 answers · asked by desperate newly married 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
And of course, we love each other. we are emotionally intimate and we kiss, hug, touch...and express our love too. But when it comes to sex, he's not intrested and even when i try speaking to him about it he looks disinterested in even discussing the issue and immediately changes the topic. Friends i know, do it atleats 4 times a day at this point of their marriage ( just a month)......and i can't help feeling frustrated with him. And he tells me before his marriage he was very interested in sex, used to masturbate and even fantasise about other girls.......Problem is even when i try and discuss the issue he acts dumb..as though he doesn't get how much this is disturbing me? Before marriage we were not sexually active so there was no way to find this out though we have talked about sex many times and all those times he's told me he would have sex with me often after marriage. His main problem he says ( after hours of crying and questioning him) he says he just can't hold an erection.
2006-12-24 23:52:52 · update #1
He might just be avoiding a potentially embarassing situation. You're 'attitude' about "it" should be examined too.
2006-12-24 23:20:46 · answer #1 · answered by MK6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why did he marry you at all? Your marriage has not been consumated yet, so if he continues this? You can easily have your marriage annulled, as sexual intimacy is part of sealing the marriage (unless he had some kind of awful accident).
For starters, you must feel deceived. Whatever problem he has, he may have hidden from you, OR he's lost interest and may have his mind on someone else. Regardless, if he's denying you sex, or he's not responding, you can get out of the marriage.
It depends on how you feel about eachother otherwise? Are you totally in love? And if he TRULY cannot perform sexually, can you overlook that and continue being married to him regardless?
You need to sit down with him and talk this over and ask for an explanation. He hasn't consummated the marriage, it's not even valid until he basically has intercourse with you. So you can end the marriage now and find someone else. If he has a genuine problem (impotent), then he should be upfront about this and seek help, and how long has he had this? and why did he lead you into a marriage knowing he had tis problem?
This is most unfair whatever the explanation is. And if it's not that, then what is going on? Where is his mind? Is he just someone that doesn't like sex? Or has he got someone else on his mind?
Definitely, lay it out to him and demand answers, or seek an annulment.
2006-12-25 07:29:02 · answer #2 · answered by Gus 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm newly married (Just a month). My husband hasn't had sex with me yet, and is not interested either. Why???
He says his erection doesn't stay for long especially after putting on the condom.Well, that's his explanation. Can i belive that?
>>My B.S.'ometer is going off pretty good right now- if he is a young man, usually they have no problem getting and/or maintaining an erection, condom or not.
>>My experience with men is not that they have a problem getting an erection but having them several times a day, which is the problem.
And of course, we love each other. we are emotionally intimate and we kiss, hug, touch...and express our love too.
>>Another clue falls into place- young men are not naturally emotionally intimate by nature. They normally have a hard time distinguishing emotional from sexual intimacy. For example, if a woman were to attempt to have an emotionally intimate relationship with a man (especially a young man), the man would take that as an invitation for sexual intimacy and eventually sex. It's only when they get older and the testosterone levels drop that they understand true emotional intimacy.
>>Women understand emotional intimacy almost instinctively.
But when it comes to sex, he's not intrested and even when i try speaking to him about it he looks disinterested in even discussing the issue and immediately changes the topic.
>>That raises some red flags right there- usually, a man doesn't require cajoling to have sex- any perceived opening for sex will interest them.
Friends I know, do it at least 4 times a day at this point in their marriage ( just a month)......and I can't help feeling frustrated with him.
>>As you should be- you two should be going at it like minks at this stage in the marriage.
And he tells me before his marriage he was very interested in sex, used to masturbate and even fantasise about other girls.
>>But what were his fantasies of girls about? Did he want to BE one?
Problem is even when I try and discuss the issue he acts dumb..as though he doesn't get how much this is disturbing me?
>>Ignoring a problem won't make it go away.
Before marriage we were not sexually active so there was no way to find this out, although we have talked about sex many times and all those times he's told me he would have sex with me often after marriage.
>>Another possible red flag there- since there is little social stigma associated with premarital sex, the fact that he didn't even try should raise some warning flags.
His main problem he says (after hours of crying and questioning him) he says he just can't hold an erection.
>>And here is a shot in the dark (or a case of "it takes one to know one")- he could very well be gay, or more than likely a male to female transsexual. Since he could very well be a woman inside, and especially if this girl is straight, she wouldn't be interested in women sexually.
>>It could be that the reason that your husband can't hold an erection is that he is not interested in sex with a woman.
>>Answer yourself this- when he was emotionally intimate, did he try to (for lack of a better word) grope you? Did he ever want to see you naked? Did you shower together? You can shower with someone and not be sexual in nature.
>>The main attitude I hear men say abot marriage is that they will be able to "get some" when ever they want. The fact that he doesn't, shows no interest, and even deflects your questions about sex is a strong indication that he is not sexually interested in women.
>>Also, is he really smart, like scary smart? Does he have a technical job like a programmer or an engineer? Is he a non aggressive person? Is he good at playing music or singing?
>>Thes last 4 questions I asked are typical of MtF(male to female) transexuals- just so you know.
>>He fits the profile of a MtF transsexual so precisely, it's hard for me to ignore the signs- I know- I am a MtF transsexual myself.
2006-12-26 13:37:07 · answer #3 · answered by mageapprentice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you stated - I think your husband may be homosexual. You didn't have sex before marriage - he wants to use a condom now that you are married - and you haven't even had sex in your 30 some days of marriage. I would suggest that you both have an Aids test - and review each others test results. Also, what about his friends - do they seem to be gay - or have you even met any of his friends?? You can have the marriage annulled at this point. Why go thur this any longer?
2006-12-25 08:56:02 · answer #4 · answered by Topez 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds very odd to me. A condom should not have any effect on his erection. You need some professional advice and help. Go to a doctor and ask or seek a marriage counselor. If this marriage is to last, he needs to be able to have sex with you and you need to know the truth.
2006-12-25 07:20:31 · answer #5 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There must be something wrong, could he be gay or just dont have a desire for sex. Ask him to go with you to a marriage counsellor and see if the two of you can work this out. If not, you may want to have the marriage annualed.
2006-12-25 07:22:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he has low self-confidence in that area? Try to encourage him to speak to you about his feelings on the matter without being judgemental. Otherwise you guys can talk to a doctor about it. Remember there are always solutions to problems you have. Good luck! ;) If he isn't willing to address this issue, then I would have to agree with others who are encouraging you to annull your marriage. I wonder how he would behave if you were about to have children? If he isn't consistent with his words now, then he definitely will NOT follow through with bigger things in life.
2006-12-25 07:23:51 · answer #7 · answered by coachandybrown 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is there a need to pub on condom. Sounds like he may be suffering from some dieases and is afraid you may find out. Speak with him and ask him besides erection, you both an try foreplay.
2006-12-25 07:18:48 · answer #8 · answered by SingGirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has serious psychologival problems that should have been addressed before you got married. He needs to see a therapist as soon as possible and even that may not help with the problems. An inability to perform will seriously limit the depth of your relationship and may eventually lead to divorce. Please find help now....
2006-12-25 09:12:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a cop out or he is trying to get you to take on the responsibility of birth control. I hope he is not manipulating you that way, but that's how it sounds. Stick to your guns and don't let him win. If you do, he will try this same tactic on every other issue. Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
2006-12-25 07:22:13 · answer #10 · answered by chris99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sex issue is obviously being discussed . . . Are you and he still snuggling, embracing, sharing passion of touch, kisses, pillow talk . . . point being, not all is about sex, important stuff yes, but if other is also not being expressed and shared. . . then that is part of your answer and signal of what is going on.
2006-12-25 07:20:01 · answer #11 · answered by onelight 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋