When is enough enough? 3 years ago my almost mother-inlaw physically and verbally attacked me. The cirumstances were instense - as her son was diagnosed with cancer and was under going treatement. She was living with us for 2 months prior to his treatments and then one day during treatment she said she had to go back home to work. I arranged time off from work (unpaid) to take care of him. Then she "changed her mind" - I flipped - her whole purpose of staying with us was that I could continue to work and pay bills. Upon her annoncement of her staying longer; I stated that I could have continued to work. That night at my house she verbally attacked me followed by a physical attack. She said that I was not good enough for her son - and that I was not his wife. I spent the night in a hotel - told my "husband" that I would not return till she was gone. She left within 3 days.
Now - I'm expected to forgive her - and I can't get over it... HELP
What should I do??
2006-12-24 22:36:14 · 20 answers · asked by Geanna 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try to remember FORGIVENESS IS SOMETHING YOU GIVE YOURSELF! It has nothing to do with her! You will feel better inside because you will have the peace and she won't! Why are you expected to forgive her any way? Who says that you have to? I might forgive her, but not sure I would let her back in my house for a while! I might not be as nice to her as I was before, because of trust. You have to protect yourself emotionally and physically from her, it sounds like; so you have to do for yourself what you have to do. If that means putting her in "timeout" for a while, then do so. but the longer let her make you afraid, and stay in a negative state, the longer she will continue to get away with making you miserable. But you could sit down with her and let her know exactly how you felt when she treated you that way, and why! And what you feel like now. Let her know it was verbal abuse and physical abuse, and so now you can't trust her yet. Over time maybe, but it won't be overnight.
2006-12-24 23:30:06 · answer #1 · answered by Ikeg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, are you married? Is the son with cancer your husband? Do you love him? Does he love you? Do you have any children together? If the answer to the first and fifth question is no, get out immediately. Spouses that care for, and love each other, stand up for each other - period. If you are just shacking up and don't have kids, time to move on if he, or you, don't want to commit. You haven't included enough information, other than stating that his mom is attacking you - and that alone is enough for you to leave the situation if he doesn't support you. It seem that the cancer is either in remission or is a slow growing type, so I don't think guilt and staying are in your best interests.
Who earns the money in the house? Who pays the rent or mortgage? Who does most of the work cooking, cleaning, etc? If the answer is you - then get rid of these people and wipe the slate clean.
2006-12-24 22:48:47 · answer #2 · answered by wanderlustgettingtome 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do what you feel is right and best for you is what you do ,,,, She had no right acting that way what so ever ,,,,, She was totally out of line and if any one owes any one an apology then the mother owes it to you ,,,,, And if you aren't good enough for her son then tell her to just go on and go back home and take her son with her ,,,, I'm assuming he is just boyfriend status as you to used the phrase "almost mother-in-law" You need this sort of thing like you need a hole in the head ,,,, She should have been grateful that you were there ,,,,, And she should feel grateful if you don't report her for assault or something ,,, Don't take this crap ,,,, You don't need it and that woman has no right or reason to dish that sort of stuff out ,,,, Stick to your guns on this ,,,, It's a good thing for her that you aren't my daughter ,,,,,, She'd get her goofy asss put in it's proper place ,,,,, Good luck
2006-12-24 23:32:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is a great word .. do it she dosen`t mean to hurt u .. she`s worry about her son and u should know that .. some times ppl can`t express in the right way .. so forget it and try to be with her both of u should pray for the sik guy
2006-12-24 23:00:32 · answer #4 · answered by stow7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's over and done with and to dwell on it is not going to help you. Let it be known if his mother ever tries that again with you, you will call the cops on her and she can spend time in jail. No where is it written that you have to like the woman nor is it written that you have to abide by what other people expect of you. Seriously now, if she attacked me, I'd of beat the **** out of her.
2006-12-24 23:21:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her manipulating behaviour control and limit your life. You need to forgive her for your own sake and for your relationship with her son. No one says you have to let your guard down. I use my mother in law as an example to my children of how good people should not behave. You can be civil without being vulnerable. Merry Christmas.
2006-12-24 22:49:45 · answer #6 · answered by Ripplediane 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think only the people who have insight can do such things that u want,and ofcourse its something that we must try to get it,
you m.in law was miserable and angry for his son but showed it to you,this is another point of view that is a bit optimestic,
it will make you calmer
what will you do if your son gets cancer?...ask these kind of question to yourself then you can forgive and forget easily
2006-12-24 22:54:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
very difficult to forgive anyone who has physically and emotionally hurt you ....only time will heal this wound but fo rnow you have to keep your husband happy to give him a fast recovery cause stress can have bad affect on his cancer ...considering all these aspects just extend your hand to forgive her and then let her take effor to move towards you and show her love and care for you i feel she will even appoligise her self for her behaviour but even if she doesnt be content with the thought that u have made your husband happy in his troubled period .
2006-12-24 22:45:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no matter where I live I demand respect in my home and that means from partners and visitors.She may have had trouble coping but that is no reason to be nasty and dangerous
Did she apologise? Does your partner make you feel bad about it? if so why does he think you should be treated like that?
And not that it really matters but why haven't you married? If that will settle down the family and get some respect do it, why hasn't it happened?
2006-12-24 23:23:29 · answer #9 · answered by deb m 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
forgive, but don't forget. nobody can expect of you to be her best friend, but you can keep some civil relationship with her, for the sake of your "husband". these thing happen in families, and at that time you both were in a lot of stress, so unless it happens again.....at least you know that when it came between you and her, she is the one that left.
2006-12-24 23:02:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋