My neighbor (+ good friend) is engaged to and Loves a guy who is about 25 years older than her + he comes originally from Mexico.
He has several adult kids from his marriage (he's a widower for about 10 years) and last week he and my friend were making luuuv in his bedroom and having fun when 2 of his adult daughters and 1 of his adult sons walked in on them!
They had let themselves in!! with a key!! to drop off Christmas poinsettas and stuff and opened the closed door and walked into the bedroom!!!
He put on his pants and shirt and went after his kids to talk with them and he has hardly said 2 words to my neighbor since. She's so embarrassed she doesn't want to face his kids.
Should she go to their traditional family Christmas meal or stay away? I told her she should go because she's going to be his new wife in a couple of months, despite the lack of privacy in his house.
2006-12-24 21:34:47 · 16 answers · asked by sen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What does comes originally from Mexico have to do with it? I'm just saying because so do I, lol. But this does sound extremely embarrasing! Most mexicans are very old fashion and very critical so that doesn't help. But she's going to have to face them one day and they'll just have to get over it.
2006-12-24 21:41:28 · answer #1 · answered by miley 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
She should DEFINITELY go to the family dinner and hold her head high and pretend it NEVER happened.
I think privacy issues need to be brought up in private at a later date between the two lovebirds (outside the bedroom); the adult "kids" need to learn to phone or at least knock, and one key thing is the age difference.
Your friend's embarrassed but given her fiancee's approximate age and background he would likely be VERY conservative and HIGHLY embarrassed. He may not know what on earth to say to your friend and so is saying nothing, which is bad. His "kids" may also be embarrassed because they've had their Dad to themselves for 10 years, and probably think of him as generic old Dad, who hasn't got a sexual thought in his head (they think) and then here they find him doing the wild thing with a woman around half his age.
In private, after the holidays, if your friend can perhaps give her fiancee a semi-gag gift of a doorknob with a built-in lock (keyless is fine so it can be locked from INside the bedroom) and let him know she's not dwelling on the WALK-IN but would like more privacy so they can be together in PRIVATE.
Not to be mean, but at this man's age he's lucky to have a fiancee and a sex life, so hopefully he'll realize this and keep the relationship going and get over the embarrassment. She's his soon-to-be wife, not the "kids" new mommy, so she's not competition, she's a companion for their father when they're off living their lives.
P.S. In a large, traditional Latino family there's not much privacy and she'll be expected to attend family dinners and gatherings no matter how old the "kids" are or what's happened. He's the patriarch / head of the family, and your friend will have to have a thick skin about privacy issues, regardless of how things "SHOULD" be.
2006-12-24 22:06:32 · answer #2 · answered by le païen 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I agree with you your friend should go and have a good old Mexican Christmas dinner. I've been to two with a lady I used to date and her father (and interestingly enough his mother) were the undisputed heads of the family. Plus everything they or anyone else did was EVERYone else's business.
The food is great, the sense of family is great but I agree with another answer that she needs a thicker hide. It's just their way and it's utterly charming the sense of family and the loyalty. I miss being part of it all, even though her "Papa" accidentally walked in on us doing the nasty in our apartment (he was dropping off her car after he fixed it, oops, lol) and told me off because we were doing the nasty but hadn't gone to church with the rest of the family. Good thing I understood very little Spanish at that time. Lol!!
2006-12-24 22:26:57 · answer #3 · answered by fly boy 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Ofcourse she should go ahead with it....i mean, she's already engaged and all that.....so its all cool. And since the children are adults, they should understand. Ur friend needs to talk to the guy and his kids about the privacy at home...this could be done AFTER the dinner....Just tell them to make sure to get rid of the awkwardness. :)
2006-12-24 21:41:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
His kids are adults they know whats going on. I'm with you she should go to the Christmas Party they are probably just as embarrassed as she is. Even though they may think about it I'm sure that no one will mention it.
2006-12-24 21:43:01 · answer #5 · answered by Dorrie 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Oh wow, I see why she's embarrased. But I think she should go. It might actually make things worse if she ignores them..its better to just get it over and done with and face it. Either way, she wasnt doing anything wrong. She's his fiance...they're getting married! They're adults (his kids), they should be a little more understanding.
2006-12-24 21:39:37 · answer #6 · answered by Sandy H 3 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Well its an embarassing situation but not an excuse to miss a christmas meal
2006-12-24 21:40:15 · answer #7 · answered by Sam 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I agree with you, she should go! His adult kids need to learn to respect the boundaries of closed doors!
2006-12-25 00:34:02 · answer #8 · answered by grandm 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
His kids need to accept her as their father's choice as his new life partner. They need to respect her as a woman who will make their father happy. They need to be happy that their father has found love and happiness.
She can 'demand' respect, simply by being there and behaving in a calm and dignified manner. She does not need to discuss it with them. If any of them bring it up, she should say very little, such as, "Let's not talk of it again."
2006-12-24 22:05:35 · answer #9 · answered by eagle 1 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Just tell her to go. Avoid the questioning.....there wont be any! If they get drunk and say something in a joking way just laugh it off. I got caught once. Yeah its embarassing but you move on. Could be worse, you could get caught doing it solo if you get my drift!! lmao. No I've not been caught!!
2006-12-24 21:39:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋