how did you find out your spouse was cheating?

Question

the reason I'm asking all of these questions is my friend and i who have both been victims of cheaters have decided to get together and right a book on the subject. we are trying to look at both sides.

Answer 1

My ex husband would come home and take a bath get in to bed and go to sleep. He didn't show any interst in me what so ever. If he did it was to accuse me of cheating on him while he was at work, and it was everyday from the time I was 6mths pregnant.
( He worked at night) He would get up from sleeping eat something, take another bath and go back to sleep. If he used the phone, he would do it out side or in another room where I couldn't hear him talking. He would tell me it was a work related call and wasn't allowed to let me know the thing's he would talk about.He would sleep all day and then get up take a bath and leave, still not showing any type of emotion towards me. I thought it was weird that he took so many baths, when he didn't used to.He had also changed his password for his voice mail when we each did no the other's so we could check it for each other.
So, one day while he was sleeping I started snopping around his bag he would carry to work with him. It was full of pictures of girls that I knew at parties and the like.
Trying to deny anything I had seen or heard, it was Christmas eve right before 12:00 am and I called his work to wish him a Merry Christmas" and the dispatch, who is his father, told me he left to go home because he wasn't feeling well. So, I called his cell phone and no one answered. I waited an hour for him to come home, it only takes about 30 min., and called again. I went to sleep. The next day he still had not come home and it was already 11:00 am. So I called him again. Still no answer. Then I called his father back, told him what was going on and he found him. He had been out partying all night and slept over at a girl's house. When I asked him about it , when he finally came home, he said I slept on the couch and she's married anyway. Needless to say he is married to her now.

Answer 2

My PC had been running on the slow side so I figured I'd clean it up. While doing so I ran into open E mail of my ex wife's. They were love e-cards from a man to her. I continued to check out the PC and found it had a virus too. Needless to say the virus was from a porn site witch my Ex and her friend were visting online. After cleaning up the PC I emailed my ex the cards and letters I found. She went crazy...said I had no right looking at them. Maybe she was right I won't argue about that. However in her rage she admitted to seeing this man for app.6 months.Since then she move out leaveing me with 3 children and divorced me. It's been 4 years now and has decided that the grass is not greener on the other side and want to get together again. This my friends is never going to happen. I'm still single and the children are doing great.

Answer 3

I've had this issue in my life in two previous marriages.

I was fortunate to be able to catch my first wife and her lover making love in our bedroom. I'd been out of town and came in a day earlier than expected. She was banging one of my subordinate co-workers who had called in sick earlier in the week and said he couldn't travel out of town due to his illness.
This marriage ended in divorce within 3 months.

3 months into my 2nd marriage, having married a year later. How I caught on to the brand new wifes affair was so humerous. I actually laughed when i found out about it.

I'd been out of town for a couple of weeks on a project, I work for the government and travel alot. I'd returned home early one wednesday morning and was home reading the newspaper when a knock came at the door.

I opened the door and found a young man standing there with a bouqet of flowers and a gift box in his hand. I said hello, and invited him in. Introduced myself. Thinking this must be Brenda's brother i'd not yet met.

He asked if "Brenda" was home, I said no she isn't she's at work. I asked if he was her brother that was unable to make it to the wedding. His response was, what wedding? I couldn't remember all her brother's names, she had six.

He said no i'm not related to Brenda, I've just been dating her for about a year. I said Oh really? Offered him a chair we sat down and had a pleasant conversation I never mentioned anything more about the wedding until 2 hours later when my wife walked in the door from work.

As she stepped through the door I said Oh it's my wife, she's home, and this guy "Mark" stood up and said wife? I said yes wife, we've been married for 3 months and it appears she and i have something to talk about.

I invited him out the door, he left very disgusted. He'd got into some heavy conversation about Brenda and His love making. Guy's will do this. They'd been banging each other on a weekly basis for nearly a year.

My wife's only explanation is she didn't know how to break it off with this gentleman and continued the relationship sex and all even after the marriage. I never had a clue.

I had to leave the next morning for a meeting in the capital city. While there I established residence and asked to be transferred to that city to work. Once i'd managed to establish residence, I filed for divorce and we were divorced. Although she didn't want the divorce I pursued it anyway. Once a stepper, always a stepper. I stayed single for several years before I bothered seeing anyone again.

Answer 4

ask him after he told me he wanted a divorce on Christmas day 3 years ago, at first he lied, but when he found out i knew his new address and that i intended to come there to talk, he came clean. we went through many months of him being unkind to me, felt there was something very wrong. but when i mentioned i was coming there to talk he told me about her, acted as if i did not care to save face, and protect my ego, refused to show emotion, did not wish to loose my dignity and self worth, by asking him over once to come home, so finally to avoid anymore hurt i quit talking to him, and got my divorce, as he had already made up his mind, as he had been cheating well over a year. i left crying all the way to Ohio, wondering if i had made the right choice, but today 3 years later i know i made a sound judgment, today he is living in a small rundown mobile, so different from the beautiful home we had, he is unable to work, got cancer now, and as for the woman, i don't know if she is still with him. he lost everything, and all i know is the other woman just got a sick broken old man, and is living in a run down mobile, and my life it got better for some reason, am i bitter, not really. as i Miss only the marriage i thought i had with him, but in reality it never was. i was just fooling myself, basing it on my love for him.

Answer 5

We all have our sad tales. I hope you are not planning to write this book out of bitterness and anger. If that is how you are feeling, please just drop it. You will be better off to move on.

Besides, the book it sounds like you want to write has been written a couple dozen times over. Here is one example: http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscheating/0,,nt4p,00.html

If you plan to write something funny and uplifting, that might be cathartic for both of you.

P.S. - to answer your question: I found salon quality shampoo and conditioner in my shower after I came home from a business trip. It was not mine and my husband is bald. He said it was my 8 year old daughter's, but when I tried to use it on her she told me "Daddy said not to touch it".

Answer 6

i found out by accident although your gut feeling is always right.We werent married just she needed some time apart for her to sort her head out and sort her ex out.I agreed to this "MISTAKE" we were apart 4 2 months with little communication on her part and she's now with an old boyfriend she ahd a kid with 6 years ago. Go figure!