my husand says he wants sex, but says I'm not gentle enough; too aggressive. since i neve get it,ok! advice?!

Question

He leaves when conflict occurs, generally he goes to his moms, but not always (this is when he says he stayed at our workplace.) I know he must be masterbating freqently & I just wonder why when he could have the real thing! I have become reclusive, insecure, and regretfully, suspicious.He could have ANY woman he wants-he's gorgeous (and he knows it)! My dad died in 2005, & I self-medicated with enormous amounts of alcohol; the fights were terrible during my plight in which I wasn't even pesent enough to care. I fear my husband does't look at me the same because so early in our marriage, I was not the girl he married...I was a mess. He claims to be in love with me, but I have NEVER encountered a man who doesn't want sex like all the time! I've gone from "easing the tiger" (past boyfriends), to teasing, caressing, kissing, complimenting, and trying to playfully "rile up" the tiger. Lately, there's no romance, no passion. I feel him resisting my touch. Please help! Have I lost my love?

Answer 1

meiby if you guys just calm down a lil have a chat do something nice together go out and take things easy... talk to him tell him how you fell and tell him in a nice calm way don't get angry and let him tell you how he feels about how things are going and listen to each other no stress... if you guys don't talk to each other in a nice calm way things can fall apart.

best wishes

Answer 2

I am not buying your question! I think the key thing that makes any sense in the whole mess that you wrote is that you have a drinking problem, and it sounds like it is taking its toll on your marriage. Ever take into consideration that may be he wants you sobber before he makes love to you? I know a thing or two about sex, and anytime you throw alcohol into the mix it is not love making. It is just rough housing, and nothing intimate about it. This is okay every once in a while, but if your drunk all the time that means no intimacy. Sounds like to me he is trying to tell you to get help by withdrawing from you intimately. This is completley natural, but if you don't wake up soon you could very well loose your man to someone else. Men will always masturbate that is just common, but even masturbation has its limits for the real thing. There is just to much here that I know you are leaving out, and I think I have picked up on a lot of it already. Be thankful you at least have a man that values true intamacy because that is not an everyday accurance. Please get rid of the alcohol it shouldn't consume your life like this.

Answer 3

It seems to me that your husband doesn't know how to deal with things happening around the home, so he goes to his moms whenever there is a conflict. It could be that he is not mature enough to handle the situations that encounter at home. Tends to run away from the problem. If masterbating becomes a problem rather than having the sex in your lives or he replaces sex with his masterbating, then that is a problem if it is continuous. There seems to be more going on in the home than just the conflicts.

You say that your dad passed away in 2005, have you changed because of that? Are you still mourning your father's death that your husband is probably wondering when you will have time for him? It is time to move on with your life and be and cherish your husband now.

I would recommend a good book to save your marriage and it is by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, called, "The Proper Care of Feeding of Husbands". If you want your husband back, then you need to start acting like a wife to him and put away the 'fights and bickering'. So do yourself and your husband a favor, go out and buy this book. It will sure help you! It helped many marriages. Another book to get is, "Bad Childhood, Good Life". You can get these on Barnes and Noble or other bookstore. Let me know how it goes! (smile)

Answer 4

Alot of good answers here, but I want to add one not yet covered.

I was married to an alcoholic wife. She became extremely aggressive with sex. Rarely was she sober, while in these drunken states, she would say horrible things, she basically became what is termed as "A Castrating Biatch".

When she would sober up enough to engage in a coherent conversation, she would tell me she didn't recall having said anything negative to me or having done anything out of the ordinary. Often she wouldn't even remember having sex, or having lay butt naked on the sofa masturbating trying to entice me to make love to her.

Alcoholism can change a person so much that they are incapable of maintaining a proper relationship with their spouse, family. You may have said and done things you don't even have a clue of remembering that really emotionally hurt your husband while you were in these drunken stupors.

True he may be masturbating to memories when you both were first married. Or he may be so emotionally damaged from the drunken abusive behavior you exhibited that he now feels unfit to perform any type of sex with you.

Sit down have a conversation and determine if both of you can enter counseling, However, you might find that it is you that require the most counseling, whereas your husband may only require a little.

Good luck with this, don't put off seeking help with this problem from outside sources. Otherwise this marriage will be over quickly.

Answer 5

There is hope with you i would say, you one of few women that admit that they not been there best and given he short end of the stick to there husband.

It has to be bad if they do not even want to touch you any more, yet most women just blame there man. Tell him your are sorry and ask what do you need to do to be a better wife. And just do it with your mouth shut. Give him the same amount of time that you have neglected him.

Most people spend year messing some thing up then want it fixed and forgiven in one week.

Best of luck, and i hope you have the alcohol under control.

Answer 6

Incredibly honest and heartfelt questions like this on here blow my mind and make me believe in this site. I would definitely give him space first of all. And go to a counselor. I would say it sounds like in general you have become less attractive in his eyes. Try to have a sense of humor about things, that is the most attractive thing in a girl I believe. Get yourself together in other areas; your job, your goals, your passions, your hobby. Get it together and act independent. He will appreciate you again soon enough.

And if all that doesn't work there's always pot. --but avoid that if you have kids... in fact, if you have an addictive personality, avoid it altogether.

Answer 7

In one mans opinion it sounds as though he is either masturbating allot or that he has erectile difficulties that he doesn't want you to know about. Do you talk to him about wanting to be satisfied sexually? You know there are sex therapists who might be able to help both of you. Are you no longer self medicated? This could be a major turnoff; It wouldn't do anything for me either especially if I saw my wife that way allot. You both need to sit down and discuss the solutions to help. Good luck and Merry Christmas.

Answer 8

Communicate, and never bury the possibility of counseling, it sounds like the two of you need it. Don't place so much emphasis on sex, when other things get right in the marriage, the sex will come, and it will be good.

Answer 9

so been there, but i realize with my boyfriend now...that he can't be compared to every other boyfriend in the past. each guy is different, and especially when guys are younger they are very more sexual. he showed me that being gentle has its pros and he doesn't really enjoy agressive females. if your husband enjoyed your aggressiveness before and doesn't now then i'm sorry i wasn't much help. but if thats the way he's always been then it may not be you.....it's him. try to self-satisfy yourself so that when your around him your not overly aggressive from sexual frustration. then try to play a little hard to get, he may just like the new change in attitude.....


good luck

Answer 10

Men can get turned off, too. Having a lot of fights with him is a BIG turnoff. Maybe he does have somebody else.

If he doesn't want you to touch him, you do have a problem. Getting a nice guy is one thing. Keepgin them nice is the challenge.

Ask him to show you how he wants to do it with you. He wants to take the lead, so let him. How you get it started is important. Find out how he wants to do it, and then do it with him. Find a video he likes or ask him for one that you can watch together and imitate.