Advice needed For my Marriage?

Question

Me and my girlfriend are in love for the past 6 yrs. we both are in good job. The problem is her parents do not accept our love. Attempts to make our both parents to meet had ended in clash. Her Parents are not ready to take this matter furthur. But i cant loose her(ofcource she too doesnt want to loose me) but at the same she doesnt want to loose her parents.


Her father hates love marriage and inter-caste marriage.

I have fixed a final meeting with her father to discuss about marriage (in 2 weeks). But iam not sure what points to discuss with him so that he accepts. And what should i do if he insults me. Any Advice will be great.

Really Great to get advices within 1 hr.. thanks guys..
Additional Info:
At worst case, my GF will come with me for marriage without her fathers acceptance, but i am 100% sure she wont be happy for atleast 2 -3 yrs after marriage. Thanks for ur wishes.
BTW iam from south India(Chennai)

Answer 1

The first thing you're going to do is look him straight in the eye and tell him why you are there. You may want to throw in a compliment with how well she turned out. After all, he did help raise her.

Next talk about your plans for the future and how they seem to be what she wants as well. Ask him directly, "Is there anything that makes you apprehensive about us getting married?". Be ready for his answer and come back strong with a positive response. Nothing negative, but confident in your ability to fulfill her needs and make her happy.

When you're done he might still not have given you his blessings, but you will have made an impact. Hopefully he goes to her and gives the blessings to her.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

Here is the best advice I can give to you from a outsiders stand point. Her family has issues with the two of you being joined as man and wife (problem #1), the fact that both of your parents do not want to get together to even meet (problem #2) and lastly your fiance doesn't want to lose her parents, when she supposedly wants to be married to you (problem #3). I think you need to revisit the fact of is this really the best thing for the both of you even though you want to be together there has to be a separation of character. Do you understand? Maybe you need to not be so interested in trying to influence or make them like you (including your fiance, either she want you or she doesn't), wait a little while longer. The meeting of her dad to ask for her hand in marriage won't do you any good at this point (your fiance isn't ready to be your wife). I'm sorry to be so blunt but you need to hear the truth before you get yourself tied down to a woman who is more worried about hurting mommy and daddy than becoming your wife. She may not be the one for you or she needs to grow up some. Merry Christmas and good luck!

Answer 3

Force marriages some times do result in failures. If she loves her parents too much then she wont be able to live a peaceful and full of love life... It is also important what your own parents say in this matter. If you really love her and she too loves you very much then you must keep trying to convince her parents. AND SAY to them that you both will marry only each other but with their blessings otherwise you both will remain unmarried. Tell them that without their blessings there will be no meaning to life. The girl must also tell her parents that she won't marry any other person. IF YOU BOTH truly love each other then do not think of marrying agains her parents wishes, at least for now. DO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE IN BOTH THE FAMILIES AGREE AND CONVINCED TO MAKE AN OPINION IN YOUR FAVOUR. AND THEN ALL OF YOU, WIN OVER HER PARENTS...

Answer 4

As per my experience at some point of time, you need your parents, though you may keep her happy for whole life. She will miss parents on any ocassion. I think its better marriage should be with the consent of parents only. You want to make her happy for sure, but emotionally even if she moves out with you, but something will be missing always. If he insults you even then also you don't utter a work, because sometimes small bad words from the young ones creates a very bad scene. Have patience, may be you wait for some more years. All the best.

Answer 5

Hi AKBoy,

Good thing to know you are pretty serious about getting a Life Partner whom you love and also going forward for the same in a Good manner by approaching Parents and discussing and sorting out with them.

Now coming to your Question:
1)You have not mentioned your Parents point of view in the whole matter.
2)About what all you need to discuss with her Father:
a) Does he love his daughter or not ?
b) Would he like to see her leading a Happy life with you?
c) Does ruining you life(by refusing his daughter in marriage to you) give him some Satisfaction ?
d) Did you both make a mistake by asking for their Approval(rather than actually getting marrried and then informing them)?
e) Does he think his Daughter is gonna be Happy if she married someone whom he chose for her?
f) Let him know that both you and she loves and respects them and hence you are seeking their permission and blessings to go ahead and get married.

Now incase all the above answers are given in Negative, what should your approach be are as follows:
1) Discuss with your parents and find out what is their opinion.
2) Incase they support your decision, discuss with her what is her requirement and opinion.
3) Only if she agrees in full that she wants to go away from her family should you approach the matter further because else in some cases people are depressed for life.
4) Know that incase she plans to walk out with you ignoring her family fully, you need to fully support her in all scenarios(good,happy,sad or bad) because she does not have her own family to fall back on as in other cases.
5) An after thought while making all your decision think about you being a Parent and your child asking you the same questions(or undergoing a similar scenario)
Planning will be easier and answers will be better in that manner.

Wish you all the Best for whatever the Outcome.

All the above statements are my point of view and you can defer with the same.

Answer 6

I think first of all your g/f should list out what good qualities you carry. She should be able to identify enough proof why she will be happy with you then any one else. Secondly It will be her first responsibility to convince her parents why she wants to marry you. You may give any numbers of promises but they will not be heard by her parents and they will think they are just false promises. Before you justify marrying her she need to justify marrying you. I am sure they will listen to her more then they listen to you. As you said they are objecting the marriage they have already created a biased opinion and attitude towards you. You can stand strongly in favour of marriage but by you pushing the issue their bias will become more strong then weak. If required find some common family friend or find some one from her family who is convinced about your marriage,that person can be a intermediator and help resolve the issue. Direct confrontation will only create more bitter relationship. Any way after marriage they are going to be your in-laws. You need to respect them as you respect your parents and will be part of your family. Do not rush for marriage by over stepping them it will only create further bitterness between the two families and your to-be-wife will have to pay the price for such move. You list your future plans but put them through your g/f to her parents. You need to discuss all your future plans with her and make a joint efforts for marriage. You are not only marrying she is marrying too, let her do her job you just support her getting her parents convinced for your marriage. I am sure they will be at your marriage blessing you and their daughter.
God Bless You.
Does she knows you are asking this Q on the blog, inform her and let her also know the answers you got it will increase her faith and confidence in you and your bonding will be stronger, she may at the last leave her parents and come to you with out hesitation.
Rest you are Free birdies go and have a happy married life.

Answer 7

The Bible says that when you marry you leave your mother & father a the two of you become one person. You form a new family. I don't know what kind of society or religious issues you are dealing with here but in my world even if the parent's are hesitant at first they can be won over after the marriage when they see the true love and intentions of the man. This is especially true when grandkids come along. God has a way of softening their hearts. I pray God will give you peace and guidance regarding this important decision in your life. God bless you!

Answer 8

Tell both sets of parents that you are getting married and they should get over themselves and accept it. If not thats a big part of their childs life that unfortunatly they won't be a part of and if they have no love for your other half then they won't be able to love a grandchild made between the two of you. If he insults you then politly say that you regret the way he feels, get up and leave. It will make a bigger point to him if you don't sink to that level.

Answer 9

I wish you but down what are the cultures you and gfs family are.
but if you and your gf have been together for the past 6 years and he still didn't give in, I don't think he will change his mind in 2 weeks.
the best way to go around it is to be friend him and learn the culture he is accustom too try to make your self one of them (i matter of speaking)
Let him know that you are a part of his family and your not going any were.
Make sure your gf soon to be wife are on the same page, is she going to be OK with the fact her dad may not talk to her any more?
And in the end let him know that with are with out them you are going to get married.
sometimes they will come around and sometimes they won't.

Answer 10

If both are Indians & above 18 then no need of fear.

Just put your final decision before them and do whatever you both want.

In India the love marriage is permitted provided both must be above 18.

In your case you both are working, so no fear of economic crisis also.