Are you or have you ever been in an abusive relationship? If so, why did you stay with that person?

Question

I've always wondered about the dynamics behind such relationships. It's easy to say the victims are just stupid, but so many smart people get caught up in them as well that there must be some other answer. Please no speculation if you've never been in such a situation before; I really think this is one area you have to endure to truly understand.

Answer 1

I grew up in a home where there was alcoholism, mental illness, violence, constant fighting between the parents, etc. My first husband was mentally ill, alcoholic and abusive ... in other words, it felt familiar and normal to me. However, as soon as I got pregnant, I left, as I did not want to raise my child that way.

My second husband was verbally abusive, alcoholic, and occassionally violent, and eventually financially and emotionally abusive as well. I had more children with him and stayed for 15 years ... because, as another person said, it's not always bad.

I got counseling, learned what I was doing to myself, and finally left. I continued in counseling until I was able to choose men that weren't in the same pattern. I am now married to a wonderful man, who is very good to me, never abusive ... and doesn't drink or do drugs.

Bottom line .. it was all I knew, and I didn't even realize it was abuse a lot of the time, because I didn't know better, until I got help.

Answer 2

Men will always have power over women. No matter how successful or seemingly independent women might become or how often they go out jogging or to do palates you just can't escape that fact. An aggressive, threatening man to a woman is actually extremely frightening. Most killings from domestic violence actually happen when the woman has just left or is trying to leave. If there are children involved this complicates things even more. Calling the police often gets social services involved. Instead of helping the woman and her children find somewhere safe to stay, the children usually get taken into care so that social services can profit from them. Another thing an abusive person can do is threaten to hurt the children if their victim doesn't do as told or make it look like the victim is the one abusing the children. Many domestic violence victims are muslim or Sikh women from countries like India, Pakistan or Somalia. Their family might disown them if they divorce their Husband and even worse they could be killed in a sick honor killing. I am also pretty sure that abusive people have their 'nice' moments too, where they appear to really love their partner. Many abusive people also cut their partner off from friends and family, giving them nowhere to run to if they leave the relationship. Many people do not have families to run to and the place they share with their partner is their only home.

Answer 3

Yes your right unless you've been there yto udon't understand fortuantlly or unfortuantlly I've been there and the reason i stayed was that we had children together and I didn't want them to grow up not knowing there father like I did and also I loved him I know that sounds stupid and your wondering how could you love someone that hurts you? Well you have to understand not all the time do they hurt you for there's good times too and if your a forgiveing person like i am then you forgive that person and go on but I learned that I deserved better and so did my children it took some time and I still deal with that scense that's all I've ever known from birth but if your strong you can get out as long as you remmeber and tell yourself I deserve better than this, and also remember that what ever don't kill you makes yuo stronger and wiser. Hope this answered your question.

Answer 4

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship once. I don't think I was stupid, just ignorant. I was repeating what came natural to me because I grew up in that kind of home. I thought that's how things were in every relationship, so I didn't even think to move on.

I finally got help and into a healthy relationship and realized that my whole belief structures about relationships were wrong.

This is the stuff life is made of. You live, you learn, you grow up and you stop calling people stupid.

Answer 5

People who stay in abusive relationships aren't ''stupid'', but rather terrified. It's hard for them to believe they are able to get away from the situation, without the partner trying to hurt them for leaving, or even kill them.

I have never really been in an abusive relationship, I do believe I got out of one right before it would've turned abusive, though. He had a horrible temper on him, and he actually started pounding into my back with his fist, when I broke things off with him. Luckily, I was in public, and a male friend of mine pinned him to the wall while I escaped.

Answer 6

Seven years: Four years of being told I was psychotic and schizo.
started to doubt myself and my mental faculties, had a child then the hitting started. Left when my child was two 1/2 was not going to let her grow up around that. Now I still have self image issues from time to time but nothing I can't pull myself out of. Yes I am one of the few luck ones who survived with the help of good friends.

Answer 7

I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years. He was pretty aggresive physically but it was mainly mental abuse that he caused (not that its okay but I think he got it from his father because thats how his father treated his women) I was young and he was my first real boyfriend and I guess you could say he brainwashed me....everytime I didnt do something he wanted me to, he would be real mean to me and talk about me as if I was dirt. To be honest, I would probably be with him to this day if I never met my son's father. The abusive guy is now in jail and has two children to a girl who I thought was my best friend lol....hmmmm

Answer 8

we stay in these kind of relationships because we are afraid of change and or our abuser strips us of our self worth , respect and self esteem i have been in one for eight years and i thought he would change well, you can't help if they don't want to change and they say anything and do anything to convince you they are sorry they won't do it again believe me i was not stupid i was hoping our love would enough for him to change but now i am starting over with my life and going to counsling so i can see the warning signs

Answer 9

I have been...I stayed long enough to get the financial resources to get out and then I never looked back.
I don't really understand the going back and forth thing...I never believed his lies about "I'm going to change".
He changed...only to get worse
4 years later.............I was gone.