As a Christian, I know today (Christmas) is not about materialism. Part of me is thinking about those who are cold, hungry, lonely, sick, and/or suffering, which makes what I'm upset about look pretty lame.
Here goes: As I was hanging stockings, my husband told me that he didn't "have anything for yours" which he then qualified by saying that he had something (implying one thing) but couldn't find it. I was really bummed; tried not to show it. Over the years (married almost 24 years) I've gotten in the habit of putting some of the candy I put in others' stockings in my own, & I slipped a few little treats in there. Usually I start filling the stockings & then he adds to them. Maybe I've been enabling him by slipping in a few treats for me, so it doesn't matter if he only adds a few things? Or he thinks since the kids are older it doesn't matter much? I'm upset w/me for being upset, if that makes sense. I know it's NOT about getting; it's about Jesus, so I shouldn't be hurt.
2006-12-24 17:21:55 · 12 answers · asked by sdewolfeburns 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I just want to thank each and everyone who reached out to share your experience, wisdom, and compassion. You've helped, and it will be very difficult to
choose a best answer.
My heart goes out to those who gently reminded me I'm lucky to have a marriage that has endured this long and to be at home with family. I am so humbled that among those who reached out so far include a widow spending her first Christmas without her husband and a member of our armed forces serving in Iraq. Talk about putting it in perspective.
God bless you all, and to: territizz... and zaitsev_v... you are in my prayers.
I also want to clarify that what I was upset about was re: just the stocking, there are indeed presents for me under the tree from my husband and children.
2006-12-24 23:19:06 · update #1
Look, 24 years of marriage, you should be proud.
He's just being a guy, maybe he's playing with you, or maybe he really did forget and has nothing for you. You shouldn't get upset, you two have each other. You have someone to be with through the good and the bad, someone to hold, someone to talk to . BELIEVE ME. I would GLADLY trade places with you. I'm 22years old and currently stationed in Iraq. Yes it is Christmas, but for us it's just another day, operations do no stop. Who knows, maybe some of us will not survive the day, but we move forward. I wish I was home amongst my loved ones, family and friends, but someone has to do this job. It's freezing cold here and still we continue doing what needs to be done. But inside we all wish we were HOME...
Just be grateful, hug your husband and tell him how much you love him. Christmas is not all about getting and receiving presents. It's about being together with each other.
Good luck and god bless...
2006-12-24 17:46:57 · answer #1 · answered by zaitsev_v1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your 'so-called' husband is lame. Is he seeing someone else? If you think not, make sure. One more incident like the one you describe and I would be taking a two week vacation somewhere exciting without him.
I would have a total fit if didn't have a gift for me. ---Christmas is ALL about the special gift that God gave the world when he sent his son to save us.--- Your significant other, your husband is the most important person in the world to you. If he does not have a very special gift for you --- This situation sounds bad.
Women can be seriously and painfully unappreciated.
Confronting a guy and telling him the truth about how you feel would be good, but you probably have not been doing that, right?
Perhaps it is time for some changes.
If you are not financially in a position to make a change, do what you need to do to get into position. Then you have a choice.
It can be amazingly refreshing to unload the dead weight ans start fresh. It can be a growing experience and a good experience.
Maybe he is looking for some freshness --- maybe ask him about going to a ski resort or to Vegas for Christmas next year.
If I were you I would want to get this figured out quick.
Don't waste anymore of your life with an idiot than you have to.
Everyone makes mistakes, staying with someone too long is a huge mistake.
2006-12-24 18:02:16 · answer #2 · answered by takemeawayasfarasyoucan 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hey, I totally understand. I got laryngitis on Tuesday, making it impossible for me to sing a special at church Sunday night. This is my most favorite time of the year, with all the sights, sounds and smells all around. And I love to sing. I live to sing. And even though my speaking voice was somewhat restored, I could not sing the song I had looked forward to singing. That really bummed me out, making me lose sight of what was really important. I felt stupid for thinking of myself when I know there are millions of others who don't have it as good as I do. This season ain't about me. It's about having a relationship with Jesus, and doing as He did, touching people that no one else wanted to touch. Everyone goes through times when they're disappointed, especially when it's done by those who love us. That hurts the most. So, while you know, deep down, that Christmas isn't about getting, you're still hoping that hubby would at least remember you with a little something. It's the thought that counts, not the size or amount. I tell my hubby that even if he just writes me a note, it's better than nothing. I've got over 29 years worth of notes from him, all stored in a big boot box. So, I do understand where you're coming from. It sounds like you're working on readjusting your focus, though. So, put your favorite Christmas music on, and sing along. I've always found that music chases away even the darkest of thoughts. And have a merry Christmas...whether or not your stockings have something in it or not. Just remember...some women are waking up to an empty bed, for one reason or another. Then, tell him you love him. <*)))><
2006-12-24 17:41:51 · answer #3 · answered by Sandylynn 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dont think of your being unreasonable, all families have fun christmas in a diverse way and confident this is hard to spend christmas away out of your close kin and all the traditions etc which you`re used to. yet as a pair(married or no longer makes no difference extremely) then the least complicated factor to do is such as you reported-commerce. This 3 hundred and sixty 5 days i'm spending time with my husbands kin as for the previous few years we`ve been with my kin and my mothers and fathers are going to on their own this 3 hundred and sixty 5 days for the 1st time ever-which makes me experience unhappy to be common or maybe somewhat accountable!!yet I ought to be honest and spend some christmas`s with my husbands kin too,i think of your spouse could spend it with you and your loved ones in case you`ve spent the final 2 with hers.
2016-10-06 00:00:15 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya know men will be men ..in other words they are like children. They don't know what you want unless you tell them. They can't take hints or read our minds, He wants to please you but first you have to tell him exactly what it is you would like..and then act totally surprised when he does it . After that many years you have to know he loves you. Don't give up on him..he is still a work in progress..just love him for who he is , not what he could be or should be or what you want him to be..accept him for what he is and take the good with the bad and be thankful for what you have, it could all end unexpectedly at any time. Cherish every moment you have together. My husband of 33 years died this spring and I sure miss him..even the aggravating traits. Just tell him what you need.. he wants to please you, I'm sure. Merry Christmas!
2006-12-24 17:38:12 · answer #5 · answered by territizzyb 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no your upset because he didn't take the time to get you something to show he cared. tell him that see what he says. but be nice about it but dont made it into a big deal. 24 years of marriage is an accomplishment and you should be very greatful that he still loves you and has been there for this long. merry christmas.
2006-12-24 17:29:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is use to you taking care of it all so he probably has been enabled some what. You still have the right to be upset though because you try to make Christmas special for your children now matter what age and you try to make it special for him as well so you have every right to want him to try to do the same for you. We are only human and need signs of love and affection from others.
2006-12-24 18:21:47 · answer #7 · answered by 2007 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
thats funny i am actually in a similar situation! i felt really bad for being so angry but my grandma is crazy and spends all her money on sweepstakes which she will never win, and she shits her money away to strangers and was now to cheap to give her 4 grandchildren any money for christmas.. (she says she will later on) and i was so mad.. and i felt bad for being mad.. but sometimes you cant help but be mad at things like that, and it does not mean you are a bad person but its nice when people think about you especially during christmas time.. especially with us females you know the smallest things make us happy.. but so long as you still recognize that there are people less fortunate than you, and you pray for them, you are not in the wrong and should not feel bad for natural feelings that you can not control.. maybe you should tell your husband how you feel.. its never good to keep secrets especially if you are upset with him about something.. hope this helps.. MERRY CHRISTMAS
2006-12-24 17:27:36 · answer #8 · answered by ladiilovee 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well...it's about showing out love and appreciation for those around us. I think that he's been a little bit unappreaciative of you, especially after 24 years of marriage. I would feel hurt too and it's not wrong of you to feel this way. Dropping some big hints wouldn't be such a bad idea, it won't hurt him to be a little more thoughtful.
2006-12-24 17:26:58 · answer #9 · answered by Marj 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Christmas is an emotional time. You are lucky to be married. Be grateful for what you have . I talked to a lady who just lost her husband and she said that she will not be celebrating Christmasat all.
2006-12-25 00:27:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋