When we found out I said a couple of days later it's not the end of the world deal with it...That is not want I wanted to say and she says I was not there for her though all of this.. she has thyroid cancer..
2006-12-24 17:17:47 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, a double header! Um, I would suggest going through counseling before you make any irrational decisions. Good luck and I hope everything works out.
2006-12-24 17:21:01 · answer #1 · answered by Simon S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry about the cancer. That must be hard, just getting married and looking forward to building your life together and finding out she has cancer.
The divorce thing I am sure is a reaction on her part to the cancer diagnoses. She is scared as I am sure you are.
Maybe you wern't there for her. Maybe the diagnoses was something that affected you too. Just married and to have this thrown at you, I am sure many of your dreams about your life together were suddenly shattered as were hers. YOu might have had some depression over it yourself.
If you weren't there for her, and said some things you shouldn't have, tell what you were thinking and feeling. Ler her know you are sorry, that maybe hearing she had cancer put you in depression or affected you in a way you didn't know how to handle it. LEt her know you are there for her and want to be there. That you want to help her fight this and how much you love her. I hope you can work it out and that she survives this.
2006-12-25 01:41:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not want divorce then tell her that you will be there till the end with her. Let her not feel depressed or guilty. What would she have done if it was diagnosed after 5 years into marriage. Tell her real men stand by their wives in good and bad times as well.
My sympathies are with you both but i admire your courage. Go ahead and support her as long as she is with you.
Read the book "Love Story" which was made into a hugely successful film. It is exactly about this kind of situation.
PS: My mother was a cancer victim... So i know.....
2006-12-25 10:17:07 · answer #3 · answered by StraightDrive 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was totally the wrong thing to say. Cancer can be the end of someones world. Finding out is a huge thing for many people and it takes a lot of time to learn to cope. You should have said something like we will work through this together. Take the time to research the cancer, call support groups and find out how you should proceed.
You need to do your research. There are other people who have gone through similar circumstances. And after you've done your research and you truly know what your dealing with you need to sit down with her and work things out. You need to be her rock, the one thing she can count on. Most of all you need to let her know your not leaving, ever.
2006-12-25 01:23:17 · answer #4 · answered by Eric 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you there for her ??? Can she count on your help ??? (and I don't mean just the housework.) Do you have kids that need to be taken care of ??? Do you talk about the cancer ??? (it's like a living thing you know, it's THERE, talk about it and what can be done to help her.) SHE NEEDS your help, your understanding, your love and your willingness to be THERE, no matter what.
She needs you at the hospital, the Dr's office, the oncologist, wherever she has to go. (squeamish and I don't want to, I don't like that are NOT excuses to use...).
If you can't answer Yes to all of these questions, can't deal with her illness, which will affect E V E R Y part of your life, then let her have the divorce. You aren't doing her any favors by ignoring her and the cancer...Give it a MATURE thought...and talk with her. NOW !!! Cancer doesn't wait...
2006-12-25 01:26:38 · answer #5 · answered by Chrys 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think men are notorious for saying THE wrong thing at the worst time. Think it over, obviously, in your asking this question you still care for your wife, and realize that your comments were......hurtful. Your wife needs a lot of support right now, all women need support when they encounter an emotional situation, which your wife's situation most certainly is. Sit you wife down, and talk openly and honestly with her. Plan ahead of time the things you want to say to her, regardless of what she says to you. She sounds pretty hurt right now, and if you desire to remain in her life, you need to express genuine regret for the insensitve, even if unintentional, remarks. Most of all, give her time, and while you're waiting, just be there for her. Sometimes, a woman needs a shoulder to cry on at the oddest times. If it's 3am and she can't sleep, offer to make her a cup of tea, and offer to listen....or maybe just to be near each other, and learn what it means when you said, through thick or thin, and til death do us part.
2006-12-25 01:30:39 · answer #6 · answered by Fed Up 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like my husband! He is a straight shooter and says the first thing that comes to mind. What you said is correct.....the WAY you said it is horrible!
Women need some gentle guidance and reassurance. That might not be your style, but during a time like this you need to try a little tenderness.
She is sick and very afraid. She needs to be around someone who can help her face this head on with love and affection and optimism. Give her some love and try and cheer her up. She will be cranky and lash out because she is afraid. You soften up and she will be grateful that you did.
Good Luck to the both of you!!!!
C-F
2006-12-25 01:26:55 · answer #7 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her how you really feel. If she won't listen write her a letter, and you're right. It is a very scary thing to find out you have cancer and if you tell that to someone with it, Im not suprised she's pissed. People with illness' like that rely on the people closest to them for support and confidence. Then maybe you should suggest counciling.
2006-12-25 01:24:26 · answer #8 · answered by serena3116 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends how you said to her "deal with it" If you mean it as a way to encourage her to overcome the disease, not to let the disease brings her down as someone that loss the fight with her life, but you forgot to tell her that you will be next to her to encourage her to do it then you are wrong and you need to retract that thought and make it right. I had motivated my own wife in the past and at times I do said things hard but with the support statement next to it. We had overcome a very difficult pregnancy, financial struggle and she has always being making a better progress for she knows that even if she fails, I will always be next to her, streching myself to lift her up and telling her she can do it.
2006-12-25 11:07:59 · answer #9 · answered by SemperLeader 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is going through some real emotional issues right now. Just try and stay with her through this, if at all possible.
Thyroid cancer is usually very slow growing and has a high survival rate.
2006-12-25 01:21:14 · answer #10 · answered by maamu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋