Is this fair?

Question

I will relate with the previous question .....the thing is that I used to be a very open person...and everytime I had a problem I always shared that with my friends, cousins....but after a while I realized that they don't share anything, and tend to be perfect...and Indeed they are not perfect....and I felt stupid telling everything what's bothering me...and those people didn't say nothing when they had their problems...what do you think about this....Is this fair?

Answer 1

It depends on the reason you are being open with your friends and cousins. If it is for attention then yes it is probably overwhelming to them. It's like I can't enjoy her company because she usually is dwelling on the negative. SO if you are being open just to dump your problems on them... you go away feeling better and they go away feeling worse. That is not so benificial for them.

When you are open with your situation make sure it has a point to it. You are looking for solutions or an angle of view other than your own to solve the problem.If this is your focus then I would say it is very commendable for you to be open and seek solutions.It also helps if you give some feedback to the person that the advice they gave you was beneficial. This allows them to feel appreciated.

Another solution if you have things that need to come out is to start journaling. When you write down your thoughts and problems the answers you seek often become more self-evident. That is the first step I teach young people. Here are the steps:

1. State the problem with what feelings are involved.
2. Explain why it bothers you.
3. State why feeling this way harms you
4. List some better ways you could have handled the situation. Note: this is what was best for you even if it would not improve for others involved...often it does improve for everyone.
5. List some appreciations of what went right today. (Without an appreciation of the good in your life, the bad can seem overwhelming)

As far as your friends feeling open enough to share their problems. It is more difficult because most are afraid to share their inner secrets. Many feel uncomfortable to do so. They come from families that have not practiced this as a normal routine. If it is unfamiliar with them they will resist a change to start.

As in the 2nd step of Alcoholics Anonymous....We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

This states that seeking the help of others to solve problems we could not solve on our own was accepting advice we sought. What you are doing is great.... just a little refinement and I think you have it. : )

Merry Christmas.

Answer 2

Good friends are hard to come by and best friends are extremely rare. You definitely need someone to share yourself with. You might try a counselor or a priest if there are only toxic people around you. Learn to be a good listener yourself so that you can identify the good listeners around you. Put your mental equilibrium first because you can't be a friend to anyone if you don't like yourself.

Answer 3

It's not a matter of who shares what and why. It's a matter of relieving yourself of these negativities within yourself that you relate them to other people who can help you with your imperfections. It's only fair.

Answer 4

I don't understand what "fair" has to do with any of this. Most people just like to keep their problems hush hush. Just don't go telling everyone your business anymore. Problem solved.

Answer 5

It's not fair but, it's reality

Answer 6

Maybe they're not as open as u think they are.

Answer 7

Forget about them.

Answer 8

huh?