She tells me she is either just driving around or at the casino by herself. I don't even know if I trust her anymore. Can't follow her cause I have to stay home with my 10 y.o son. I have confronted her many times and had many fights but she still does the same. She swears she's not cheating on me with someone. What am I supposed to do. I want her to have all the freedom but it is tearing me apart inside. Is it just me or does it seem unusual for a spouse to be out till the wee hours? Please help. I am thinking of a divorce but she has no where to go if we split up. What do i do?
2006-12-24 16:18:13 · 21 answers · asked by techdave1969 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This has been going on for 4- 5 years and progressively later and later.
2006-12-24 16:30:07 · update #1
Get a Private Investigator...And, no it isn't controlling, you just want her to respect your marriage.
2006-12-24 16:20:40 · answer #1 · answered by Buttercup - VP Bamma Fan Club 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Start with mutual trust.
Then compromise. Tell her she has equal responsibility for "our" 10 y.o. She does her part and you do yours. It can't be one way.
yes, what you describe is controlling. Follow her? Right there... mistrust, controlling. You feel helpless so it is tearing you apart.
Get over it. Trust has to be there in your life partner.
Thinking of things that is of no significance makes you miserable.
Your wife has a gambling problem. She needs help. Now, that's a different problem, but that's not what you asked. But be aware, she is sliding down the path to the abyss.
Solution? Come to an understanding as to how the responsibility is split between you two. You may not want to stay out late, but you can read a book? You have to mean what you say with your actions.
2006-12-25 00:27:02 · answer #2 · answered by Nightrider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is technically controlling, but not necessarily bad.
Patience, loyalty, honesty, and determination are what seperates good husbands from bad. It's what defines true love. Is it possible she has an addiction to gambling? If that's the case, you might need to have an intervention.
If she is cheating, there are other signs you could watch for. Underwear is something that would definitely be a good indication. I don't need to go into detail, because I'm sure you can figure that out. She should have nothing to hide.
Check out a book called "Never be lied to again" by David Leiberman. He's a former interrogator, turned author. Very easy reading and very cool.
2006-12-25 00:25:41 · answer #3 · answered by Mickey Mouse Spears 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all your wife isnt neccessarily cheating,when my Husband was deployed overseas after we lost our child I was so hurt and lost that i begin to go to the casino and after almost a year I realized that I had spent many nights at the casino staying after I lost track of time until 3 to 4 am in the morning,my Husband to thought I was cheating I wasn't though I was just hurting and I thought I could avoid the grieving process and not forget our child ever but gambling was only a temporary fix could it be that your wife has a gambling habit?I was lucky I won alot but I was numb inside and missing my husband since he only got leave for 10 days and had to return soon after we laid our child to rest.Try talking to her but don't try to control her because then she will say you are the problem hope this helps.
2006-12-25 01:30:37 · answer #4 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is controlling to expect your wife to spend time with you. I don't think the word 'forbid' would work well here, given that you've had other confrontations with her. It could be that she is cheating. If not - try being someone she REALLY WANTS to stay home with. Think of the guy you were when she fell in love with you, and do some of those things. Don't fight with her; woo her till she doesn't want to leave. Maybe plan some family activities. If she is going to leave for the evening anyway, enjoy the down time and don't rub it in but if you are relaxed and happy and all when she returns, she will have lost the ability to hurt you and this will be more attractive to her.
2006-12-25 00:23:42 · answer #5 · answered by Cris O 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't forbid her, that sounds controlling. You can ask her not to go, that IS in your right. If my husband was like, baby I love you and want you home with me not at the casino at 3 am, id be like ok. She has a family, she has to put them before whatever else. Casinos are open in the day. Is she addicted to gambling? if so she needs help. NO REASON WHAT SO EVER would I be out of my house at 3 am with out my husband!
with that in mind, the divorce is your decision.
2006-12-25 00:23:26 · answer #6 · answered by Brandy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all you can follow her --just ask a friend to sit for a night or two--second of all you said she has no where to go?? well she has been finding lots of places to go if she is out till all hours of the night--Third --wouldn't you know if she were gambling allot of money?? and where does she get the money?? Does she work with a separate income--and if so there she can afford her own place--you are being to easy on her --
2006-12-25 00:52:22 · answer #7 · answered by skizzle-d-wizzle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's controlling. I think instead of demanding though that you explain to her how it makes you feel. Don't do it in the heat of the moment, but do it when you are both cool and not ticked off. Sit down and actually have a conversation about it. Let her know that you aren't going to tolerate it. That if she is going to the casino that much, you are worried that she might have an addiction. Counseling works wonders if both parties agree to try. Good luck! Hope everything works out for you and your son.
2006-12-25 00:21:54 · answer #8 · answered by Mel 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She is irresponsible and just using you. I'd cut off her money supply. If she's out all night she probably doesn't work and is out spending your money.
In anycase i'd tell her to hit the road. Get out of this relationship now it's a waste of time. It's not your responsibility to furnish this tramp a place to live once she's out on her own.
I wouldn't feel guilty about kicking her butt out either. You have let this problem continue for far to long. Time to get rid of this "Biatch" and move on with your life. You don't need this heart ache. She's more than likely cheated on you numerous times over the years.
2006-12-25 09:33:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What she is doing is strange. Either way...whether she is having an affair or not I'd wonder why she isnt at home caring for her child. Something is very wrong. Either an affair or a gambling problem.
If you do leave her make sure you get full custody of your son or he will be alone a lot.
2006-12-25 00:24:23 · answer #10 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tell her that one and one does not make eleven and either she stays home to take care of her son and husband or go wherever she wants with whomever she wants but without return!
It may sound harsh but that's what I would do. As far as I can see, she is taking advantage of you, regardless if she is running around (cheating on you) or not.
Good luck
2006-12-25 00:27:26 · answer #11 · answered by Nikolas S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋