PLEASE HELP...he's cheating what do i do?

Question

I am 24 years old and have been with the same guy since 1998. We have 4 children together and I just found out he has concieved a baby with another woman (age 18). Their baby is 1 month old ours is 3 months old. He is still lying to me and saying its not his, but I was on 3way with one of his friends and him and heard him admit it to the friend.(he didnt know i was on the phone too) I love him but i dont know if i can handle the lies and cheating should i just throw away the past 9 years or just forgive and forget? Please help!!!!

our youngest is 3 months old the others are 8, 7, and 5.

Answer 1

Ship his *** out the door. If he is cheating now and lying to you about it, its only going to get worse. EXPECIALLY if he is having kids with younger women. Dont put yourself and your children thru that mess. You will be SOOOOOOOOOO much better off in the long run. Trust me!

Answer 2

Bless your heart! This is a tough one because if you've approached your husband with this before and he's told you the child isn't his. There's a lot of possibilities here dear one.. You see your husband could have set you up!

Yes, set you up. That conversation could have been a planned one. Don't think that wouldn't happen? yes hun and it does everyday.

Until there is solid proof, not a phone call with you on the other end listening, hear say etc. I am speaking of DNA then don't assume anything.

In due time if this is true trust me you'll know because this other girl will come at your husband for child support. So meanwhile sit back stop getting yourself worked up. Time will tell but you must wait.

Don't go running off getting a divoice or any of that other stuff yet. What would that look like in court .. Judge ask you what are the grounds? Oh I overheard my husband admit that he has another child by this other girl and I can't take it etc etc... DNA comes in 999.999 not his child!

Don't make a fool of yourself sweetie just hang on.. You all have been together this long and have made it longer than most your ages. And with 3 children I don't think your husband could afford to be paying all this child support.. Stop and think a bit about this whole thing.

Relax... wait this out before jumping the gun.

I'm sure that this is just a sick joke they are playing on you.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Sweetheart I am sorry to hear that he's cheating on you. I can only imagine the hurt you're feeling from him conceiving a baby with another woman. I know all to well how much it hurts from just knowing that the man you love and have kids for is cheating on you from experience. Most of the time a man is not going to admit to you that he's cheating or that he has another baby. Most likely he will continue to lie and cheat. Only thing I can suggest to you is that if you can put up with him cheating and lying then keep him, but if you can't put up with it then you need to let him go. Its only going to cause serious problems down the road if he continues to cheat. Honey you can either throw away the past 9 years of whats probably been deceit and lies or just live the next 9 years in deceits and lies. The choice is yours you decide. I hope you find the meaning of what I just said and let it do you some good. Hope this advice helps you.

Answer 4

Ask yourself some serious questions:

1. What is it about him that you love?
2. Has he treated you in a loving and trustworthy way? (No)
3. Does he respect you enough to be honest with you? (No)
4. If he isn't willing to admit that he's cheated, even when caught, what does that say about him?
5. Are you willing to waste another nine years with someone you don't know you can trust?

You can't forgive someone who's not willing to admit they did something wrong. You won't forget what happened, even if you find a way to forgive him. If you can't handle the lies, and he's unwilling to "man up" and tell the truth, I don't think you have much of a future.

Is this the kind of man that you want as an example for your children? Yes, he's their dad, but part of being a good father is having a loving, trusting, respectful relationship with their mom. It provides then with a solid example of how good relationships work.

Ask yourself why you love him. If the reasons are anything other than he loves you and treats you well (which includes being honest and trustworthy), then you need to consider if this relationship is good for you...or your kids.

Answer 5

You know a lot of these girls just say dump him and I know in your situtaiton that is a lot easier said than done, I also know the baby thing makes me wanna say hay thats to far and just divorce him but anytime a man cheats its a possible child so I guess you should look at them both the same right, I dont know depends on your husband if you can talk to him and get honasty and come to an agreement then try it, but this doesnt sound like a one time thing if it was thats workable if its going on all the time it probably always will, I think if your willing to work thru it you ofcourse can but dont do it without posing any serious consiquence (sp) you know your seriously gonna have to make him suffer alittle bit or there will be no reason to stop seriously!!!!!! why would he he has to not just think about loosing you get alittle of how it feels and his family, and also while thats going on maybe he'll dicide he doesnt want to be there and you;'ll be better off anyways, also you need to consider this baby is gonna be another part of your life now how unfair to you with a new baby yourself to you and the baby, like the other girl said ask him to get a test make him get a taste or you're doing whatever the consiquence is being seperated for a month while you think or wait for the test whatever, also if you leave you and your children will be doing the visiting you'll have to think about them, babe this one is all up to you but I think the biggest thing is if you can deal with it dicide that before you go agaist your own will and be unpleasant to everyone around you dicide that and i'm telling you punish him, good luck KIMBUR

Answer 6

Listen love if all this is happening then you should most certainly leave this guy. Because the longer you stay the more power you give to him. He'll keep on doing what he does! I believe that to many women hang on to a relationship because of how long you've been together. He does not love you any more he has another baby with another woman. I'm so sorry but truly it may take a long time but you'll find a much better person inm the future. Please take what i say dearly and consider it. You and your children will be better alone instead in a broken home. For real I should know because I've lived in a home like that when I was younger!

Answer 7

wow you are in a tuff situation, 9 years is a long time to just throw away and forget that you had with your husband. also to forgive is so hard too because the trust and respect is not going to be the same like before. Sorry about this but divorce is the last thing to think about. You and him lasted a good nine years, that means there is love in the relationship to last years more and more. Try to confront him and open up about all this and solve the matter. Maybe is was a one night stand that happened for a reason in the past, I know it should have not but whats done is done, but think deeply about your kids and yourself first and the future that awaits you. most of all think about the love you have towards your spouse, is it worth forgiving or not? the answer is only in your hands and your heart. good luck

Answer 8

If I had any reason to be suspicious, which you did, I would have gotten on three-way too! How else would you have found that out? He sure as hell wasn't going to tell you. I think it's wrong when you snoop but sometimes it must be done. I personally would not trust him. Anybody can make a mistake, but acknowleging the mistake and apologizing for the mistake is what counts. I can work with somebody in that case. But the act of lying, sneaking around and being in denial I would not put up with. I think you already know it's his baby. But tell him to get a paternity test if he continues to insist that he is not the father. Good luck!

Answer 9

I am not going to say dump him because you can do better. But my advice would if a guy cheats and lie to you he is not worth it. Under your circumstance having children with him,i would advice you to seek help from a relative or close friend if you decide to leave him. Because at the end of the day, it is the children that matters.After that seek legal counsel in obtaining child benefits from him if he is not going be a responsible parent but if he is then this would not be an issue and he would continue supporting his children.If you forgive and forget.Ask yourself is he going to forget his other child with the other women.I am sure he would not.My final advice would be think with your head and not your heart when making a big decision such as the one you are making now. Because it will change your life.........

Answer 10

Well the way I look at it... you have someones trust until you lose it. And trust is a very important thing when it comes to a relationship. Something you really shouldnt have to worry about... why worry about something you can't control? If he is going to cheat on you.. he is going to cheat on you. Just hold your head up high, and know you deserve someone way better, and basicly its his loss. It sucks because there is kids involved.. sounds like a really tough situation. But I'm assuming he will probably be in your life in some way because of the kids...so tell him how you feel and be completely honest, and try to make the best out of this situation. I wouldnt really look at it as throwing away all those years... just know that you learn from everything.. so it wasnt a waste :-)

Answer 11

If it were me he would definitely be paying child support. It is strictly up to you to decide what you are going to do. However if he has a baby by someone else is there a possibility he has MORE KIDS thhat you are unaware of and could be real close to the age of your older kids. Think about it. Even though he told another person on the phone the kid is his--------it may not be . Before ya jump ship, pay to have a paternity test done---if he refuses to have one done, then I would say your question has been answered. It is mostly likely his--------if he ask why you want him to have such a test tell him it is because he claims it is not his and if later the girl comes back and says it is then you have proof. IN WRITING-either way.