I'm having a really hard time doing the holly jolly - but I have to for the little ones who come around. Tonight is especially hard---I was good while people were here but now they're gone, hubby's in bed and I'm here missing my Bro!!! He died last Christmas and my sister died 6 years ago on 12/20--used to love the whole holiday season--now all I do is cry. What can I do to get the whole spirit back? My kids are grown and have their own life. I give to charities and try to help that way. I guess I just miss my family that's all gone!!!!!!!
2006-12-24 15:58:43 · 17 answers · asked by fallingstar 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Christmas
My brother was mentally challenged (I guess that's the P.C. term now) and I was pretty much Mom, sister, friend (our Mom died 25 years ago).-- Just hard to deal with it this year.
2006-12-24 16:07:23 · update #1
I also have our 86 year old Daddy to take care of-who misses his son and daughter (I was the one in the middle)
2006-12-24 16:18:40 · update #2
It is definitely O.K. to miss them, but instead of morning them why don't you celebrate them. Think of all of the good times, share them with you family. They will live on forever in your memories. I know how you feel, my mom died when I was 12 yrs old. I am now 35 yrs old and still miss her dearly. My children never see me sad over her, they only hear me tell them good things about her and see me rejoicing who she was.
2006-12-24 16:05:26 · answer #1 · answered by CJBig 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this is going to help you but maybe I can let you know that your not a lone. I just buried my stepfather 3 weeks ago and helping my mother try to get through this Christmas after spending the last 18 years with him is a tough one. I not only read his eulogy but had the ut-most respect for him as well. This man set the standards of morale's and principles and treated my mom like gold. It gets worse yet, I just Buried my twin brother a couple of months ago and this will be the first Christmas that he won't be here with me. It's hard to loose anyone but loosing a twin brother, you have to be a twin to know what I'm feeling. I loved my brother and was very close to him. Hell, I knew him 9 months before anyone else did and it's a huge hole in my heart not having him here with me. It's so bad, I can't seem to erase his speed dial number off of # 5 on my cell phone button. The thought of having our 48th Christmas without each other is very sad but I have other family members that will be here tomorrow and I need to be some what up and happy for them and you will find a way to do the same. We may never get the Christmas spirit back but we will always love and be loved. I wish the best for you and somewhere, in your heart, you should know that all your family still loves you where ever they are. God Bless and Merry Christmas. dhwilson58
2006-12-24 16:23:59 · answer #2 · answered by dhwilson58 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can relate sort of to what you are going through, I lost my life long friend in October, and to see her mom on a day to day basis is really hard, to know that your loved one isn't with you really can tear you up inside, I also lost 3 people in a Tornado that hit here last month so to lost 4 people in less than 2 months then christmas is here doesn't seem like there is a reason to celebrate..but you know, if you believe that Jesus is God's Son that should be all the reason in the world to celebrate sweetie, it's not about the gifts, but about Jesus Christ and his birth 2006 years ago. Your loved ones are with him and I guarantee you they are in Heaven celebrating right along beside Jesus this Christmas, so just remember that and I hope you can get through this, it's tough but remember JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!
2006-12-24 16:04:04 · answer #3 · answered by Azuquita 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is best to meet the matter of holidays head ~ on and, however painful, to plan for them. Often the anticipation is worse than the actual holiday.
Talk about your grief; ignoring grief will not make the pain go away.
Holidays are most difficult during the first year after your loved ones going to Heaven. During the second year, they may be better and possible even looked forward to.
It may be helpful to make changes in holiday rituals. Decide which family traditions you want to continue and which new ones you would like to begin; structure your holiday time ~ this helps you to anticipate activities rather than just reacting to whatever happens; leave room for change.
2006-12-24 16:05:32 · answer #4 · answered by Dave 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do understand.I cry alot around this time of year too because many of my family has passed away.Christmas isn't the joyful season it used to be.We have the good memories and it's good to share those with our little grandkids and kids.I read that tears from sorrow are differant than regular water in your eyes.They have a different makeup to them and David says in psalms that God put his tears into a bottle. God knows you're hurting and wants to comfort you.I'm sorry you're going through this and that life is full of sorrow.This first Christmas without your brother will be especially hard,but do it for others and for yourself,and you will get through it.Ask God for strength.
2006-12-24 16:22:16 · answer #5 · answered by Granny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have my deepest sympathy for your loss. I can strongly relate. I lost my wife of 23 years just three years ago, Halloween. Although it wasn't the biggest of my holiday choices, I did enjoy Halloween and always looked forward. I think losing someone around any time of celebration creates a sort of vacuum. It will always feel like there is something missing.
I believe all we can do is to move on as best we can, and try to enjoy what life God decides to grant us. I don't think your brother would want anything less for you. God bless, and take care of yourself. Try to remember the happy times you had together. It does help.
2006-12-24 16:16:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should tell your grown kids calmly how you feel and that when they were little, you fed them and took care of them and that they should take care of you (e.g. taking you to the supermarket, to the doctor, etc.). You should not feel strange calling them every evening to talk about the day, even if you only talk for 5 minutes. Do take care of yourself too. Don't smoke and don't drink alcohol excessively. Better not to drink at all. When eating, make healthy choices-- fruits, veggies, turkey, fish. You can have Christmas treats too, but 1 not 10 cookies! Sorry for the sermon. Maybe you and your husband can live closer to your grown kids. I think that as a society, we've gotten isolated from our family while in earlier times, everybody lived together in the same farm house (like in the tv show, the Waltons). Take care, God bless and Merry Christmas!
2006-12-24 16:08:49 · answer #7 · answered by Santa C 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry, I know how you feel, my sister passed also 5 years ago now, but it makes us feel sad at Christmas because that's what the holiday is all about, family. I just try and remember all the fun times we had together and am thankful for them. My parents are gone too, just my hubby and myself, so I know a little about how you feel.
best wishes to you!
2006-12-24 16:03:26 · answer #8 · answered by bobbie v 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry you've gone through all those things. There are no quick and easy answers to heal, except for a real relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ. I will be praying that you find hope an dpeace through Him.
2006-12-24 16:57:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do u havce ur mom or any other family members i imagine how u feel whta u can do is cook a nice meal for u and go shoppin and just buy cute things for yourself or ur children thats nice u give and i hope ur doin ok iwish i could help u happy holidays and wish u many more i hope everthing work out for u
2006-12-24 16:07:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋