Is my husband the only one who has left on Christmas Eve?

Question

He didn't just go to a friend's house... he packed his stuff and left. He came in after working all day, started putting me down, like always and told me how much of a whore that I was and that he didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore... I have never cheated on him and he is just angry at the world so he has to take it out on me. I have tried and tried and even cried in the recent past for him to not leave me but I can't cry anymore. He emotionally abuses me and I know it is best that we are not together. He took the key to my car on his way out the door. Hope that our little girl doesn't get really sick tonight and I need my car. I don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much but I am so sick of being messed with emotionally. I am so tired of hearing how he will leave every other day. He doesn't realize how a lot of the times, it's not me.. it's him. How can I love him so much yet hate him so much! Words of wisdom please! Words of strength too please.

Thank you all so very much for your support. I can't tell you how much this means to me!
Update: he came in about 1:00 this morning, took a bath and left again. Picked up my little girl at noon and picked up all the gifts I purchased for his family and left with her. I dropped my son off at his dad's house. I am here alone, working on stuff from work.. as always.
Good news.. I have not cried at all. I think I am so angry right now.. especially b/c I bought him a necklace with a cross on it with HMW 8-6-06 engraved on it.... it meant so much to me to give him that b/c it is his brother's initials and the date he committed suicide.. My husband threw it at the wall last night prior to leaving and told me that I was trying to use it to do something or another. I was just shocked that he did that. I just know how much he loved his brother and I can't believe he threw it.
Well, thank you all so much once again for your support! I appreciate it more than you will ever know!

Answer 1

Wow, I clicked on ur ques cuz my husband left today but, just for the night he'll b bk early in the morning. First, let me say how sorry I am that ur in this situation. I wonder sometimes why these jerks pick holidays or anniversaries, etc. to leave? I think they want to inflict as much pain as possible. U say u love him, r u sure it's not more like u need him or want him. I mean, like u want a relationship so u convince urself u love him. Just ask urself what would u think about him if he was doing this to ur sister, mom or best friend..he wouldn't b so lovable then would he? U may hv to gather up a tremendous amount of strength n leave urself. This may b an eye opener for him, possibly turn him around. U hv to seriously prove to him that u need, expect, and DEMAND respect and consideration. U need to stop bn a doormat. U will teach ur daughter to expect and accept this kind of behavior from the men in her life. U can't posssibly want that for her? I know that it is hard to see ourselves in an entirely different life but, it DOES happen! If he can't b good to u then there is someone else out their that can be. U deserve more, ur daughter deserves more, and u CAN achieve it!

Best of luck!

Answer 2

You already know the answer to this. You are holding on trying to love someone who does not love you back. He is abusing you emotionally, verbally, and maybe physically. You are right. You deserve someone better than this jerk. He accuses you of cheating, because HE is probably cheating (accusers usually are doing the deed). Your child should not be around this abusive man. You can get another key to that car. Go to the dealer and have one made. Better yet, get a lawyer and have the key returned. Meantime, change the locks on your doors and stay put. You can call 9-1-1 in any medical emergency. You'll be okay. Help your little girl have a happy day tomorrow and call an attorney on Tuesday. Life will get better. But don't let that jerk back into your house or your life. He's never going to make you happy. He has gone to spend the night with another woman.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry, that's a terrible way to spend Christmas eve. If your little girl gets sick, just call an ambulance. He was really nice taking the car and all. What a jerk! Maybe it's best if you two just split for a while and try to get things worked out, but this was a great time to do it. Well, at least this will give you some time to think, think long and hard and decide if you really want to live this way. Even physical abuse if wrong. Call your family or friends and maybe they can offer some advice.
good luck, sweetie
god bless!

Answer 4

I am sorry for your pain, but you are a mommy and the child is the most important thing today and every day in the future. Continue to care for her as best you can. If your child becomes ill, I hope you have friends or family that can help or simply call emergency services. There is a world out there that is always willing to help no matter what anyone else does. You are not alone.

Eventually, your husband will have to come around and show up either on his own or by legal means. Until then take care of yourself and your child.

Answer 5

***Hugs*** I'm sorry that you're going through this on christmas eve.

Your situation right now is obviously difficult and as a stranger peeking in from what you've told us, it's very hard to assess the full picture. Your husband obviously has anger & emotional issues that have never been resolved. Sometimes when a man is cheating himself, he will play reverse psychology on his partner and blame her instead for his guilt. He's not packed and left for no reason, I suspect there maybe another woman out there.

Stay strong. I know it's hard for you not to get emotional but children are intuitive to their parents feelings...if you can, confide in someone close to you who will be supportive...if it's too much to bear being without him tomorrow, have close family to come and rally around you or you go to them, better than being in the house.

If you're innocent, know that God see's all, know that you can live with an clear conscience everyday.

Adversity is breeds miracles.

Stay strong.

Answer 6

I wouldn't think about this till after Christmas...Make the day nice for you and your kiddo and don't give him a second thought.
If your daughter gets sick you can always call 911 for a ride to the hospital if its that bad...
I personally wouldn't want to be with a person like that, he hates himself way to much...Of coarse he is taking this all out on you, because you have been letting him get away with this behavior. Do not in your whole life let anyone disrespect you as a person, be strong and take care of your baby...

Answer 7

I'm so sorry so hear this happened on Christmas Eve, but u know u r better off without him...he has to blame someone and u r the one...i was emotionally abused also but i couldn't handle it any more so i picked a fight so it would give me the strength to leave....i don't think any of us has the answer for u. but i will be here if u want someone to talk to ....... email me or I'm me in yahoo..i'll be up a while......star_bright_101.

Answer 8

Words of Wisdom: My mother always says...
"He who says it does it"...(which is some old womens wisdom translated into english from her German heritage)

What I mean by this is that......hes accusing you of cheating, being a 'whore'....and he is saying that because he is the one cheating. Id bet on it, my friend

He probably pulled this tonight because he has another women somewhere waiting for him...its Christmas and he probably felt torn...and did this so he could to 'get away' to his 'other' obligation....her. Im not psycic or anything, but from what you said it sure sounds like it.

So use this time to think about it...right now hes not there to cloud your judgement, mess with your head....put you down. Pull all your strength and mind to together and as yourself this ONE question.............."do you want your daughter to grow up with Chirstmas's like this..with pain and hurt and chaos"

I know you dont. You want her to have happy days. Happy Christmas's, birthdays, vacations, schooldays, weekends, ect. Please dont let a man show her that life equals that kind of pain...because if you do she will accept that in her own life when she is an adult...she will be more likely to settle for a man who ruins her happy days..because it will seem OK and normal for her. So think about it. See this an an oppurtunity for change

You deserve so much better. I know about emotional abuse...it hurts more, heals slower...and scars more than physical abuse.. Emotional abuse is very very real. Protect yourself and leave this man. (Even if you have to go to a shelter. Shelter are nice places with lots of support and resources if you need them)

You can love him with all the love in the world my friend, but if he cannot love you back, (he probably doesnt know how really) you end up gettting drained drained drained until you have no more love in yourself for yoruself. He will sap it all out of you until you are so drained you get so stuck you cant leave.

Im not saying hes evil, Im sure there is good within him...its why you hang on...hoping to see it...and once in a while he throws you tiny scraps of love...just enough to keep you hanging on. But he is not healthy and he is dragging you and your daughter down. Save yourselves, find light, find love.

I suggest you find some help. Once long ago, I did. Counselling, a womens support group, a healing circle...somewhere you can share with other women and gain strength from each other.

You may deceide to stay, you may deceide to break it off...or perhaps a seperation (with a set time) during which time each of you get outside help to learn about healthy/unhealthy patterns in relationships....but please do something

Find you happiness, follow you dreams, cherish your daughter.

I wish you a good Christmas....blessing and light to you. You are a strong smart woman...find your strength and seek change fro you and for her

(((((HUGS))))))))

Answer 9

my husband picked fights,name called, was emotionally abusive, but still i loved him, till i found out he had been seeing her a long time, men will treat u bad and start fights and name call when they are involved with someone else, so they can get u to argue back, so they can justify why they left, don't take much really. he just doesn't want to be there, wants to be with the other girl, yes he knows exactly what he is doing honey. no words of wisdom, just u need to get a divorce, but i know u won't do it. u can try all u want and do your best but if he isn't willing than it's all in vain. no he don't want u anymore, he is with someone else.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this now. Horrible timing, but live isn't perfect and a lot of the time the pressure of holidays is what puts relationships over the edge.

Remember, you need to love yourself (and your daughter) first and foremost. Its unacceptable to be verbally/emotionally abused. And you don't want to teach your daughter that it is ok to be with men like that.

I'd make him live elsewhere, do a trial seperation, and go to counseling. maybe that will help.

I wonder where he is now? If he is cheating did he go to her house?

GoodLuck!