My life is at a crossroad...and no one to share...what would you do?

Question

A year ago I fell in love with the woman of my dreams...modern, good looking, intelligent, eloquent, kind, ambitious, trustworthy...the type of woman that draws music from inside my heart when I thought that chapter of my life was closed forever. In my fortune or misfortune my love was returned and for a year, I am ashamed to say, I cheated on my wife with her.

I am 31 year old and have been married to a Russian wife for 7 years. We have a child together who is a year and a half old. My wife , as most Russian women, is very loving, docile, and subservient. She is the meekest person on Earth with a very big heart and she loves me unconditionally. But so does the other woman whom I have promised to marry in secrecy.

I have until January 24th to make a decision and no matter what I do someone will get hurt tremendously, myself included. Do I marry this 38 year old woman who dreams so intensely of a child with me and of us being together and ruin my marriage?

Answer 1

Because you are so heartless and inconsiderate of others feelings, you will hurt your wife, the other woman, your wife's grief will spill into your child, her parents will be hurt, her friends will feel her pain. So you see, you've hurt so many because of your selfishness. You probably will be left to be alone.Love that is abused will be taken away. Oh yes, and at 38 a woman is considered high risk for child birth. Her biological clock is about to run out. And as for being a father, in your path of destruction, children can feel the disruption. i think you should ruin your life. Because you are too narcissistic to really care for another human being. No one can teach conscience. You either have one or you have a degree of sociopathic tendencies. Life is me, me ,me. And even if you scoff or get angry, a part of you knows I'm right. Women are just holes on a mattress to you. You don't have the insight or wisdom to know that you will ruin your life and no one Else's.A rough ride indeed. Merry Christmas baby.

Answer 2

You should stay out of the alley & be a man to your wife & child. You are experiencing what is referred to as th "7 year itch" in your marriage & you will get over it. I hope you come to your senses before you screw up not only your own life, but the lives of your wife & your child. You are thinking with your pants down & you should stay with what you have & not venture any further into the world of that older woman who has a high chance of having a problem pregnancy & giving you a child that will take away the future from the family you already have & drain you of every last penney that you have & will earn. If you do leave your family, I hope your Russian wife gets a good American Lawyer & takes you to the cleaners for being an inconsiderate jerk. Don't believe the hormones of an older woman unless you are prepared to take orders from her the rest of your life & have a heartache that will ruin the lives of everyone involved & everyone who you have ever known or had in your lives & families. Get some couples counseling ASAP. You are under the "spell" of a fantasy world that does not exist in real life because your marriage is losing some of it's luster, like a new car looses it's shine after years in the weather & it's up to the owner to keep up that shine with a little work, rather than just tossing it for another one! You are not thinking soundly.

Answer 3

Take a word of advice from someone that has made some terrible mistakes in this life....consider what you are doing very carefully and be ready to take whatever consequences that come with the decision. The pain you will cause will go further than just your wife, child, g/f, and yourself. It will travel through both families. There will be problems and issues arise from it that you are not expecting. Example: The g/f's family...how do you think they will act toward you? Would they accept you after leaving a wife and child behind? Do you know for sure the g/f won't turn around in a year or two and get involved with yet another married man and leave you cold in her tracks? THINK man before you do something you can't reverse. You will have to live with it for the rest of your life.

Answer 4

Does the new woman you want to marry like the idea of becoming a step-mother? Or will you let your current wife take your child with her back to Russia (which is very likely)?

You can't change who your wife is-- Would you still want to be married to her if you hadn't met this new person?

Also, at 31 you are old enough to know (well, maybe not if you married young) that a year of romance does not mean a lifetime of it. The way things are in an affair are WAY different than how they are when you are married. Organizing the bills, doing laundry, paying the mortgage.... these things do not lend themselves to sex and romance. Someone may be the perfect person to have an affair with, but marrying them will change everything.

First, decide if you want to be with your wife or not (regardless of who may be waiting for you in the curtains).

Then, if you decide to divorce, determine what will happen to your child.

LAST, if you decide to establish a "public" relationship with your girfriend, at least try moving in together first--you made a mistake to promise marriage.

Be careful. You could end up with two divorces under your belt, plus two kids you will never see grow up.

Good luck. You'll need it.

Answer 5

I think that you should be honest with your wife. Have you ever heard of the 7 year itch? It happens to alot of couples. It doesnt make it right to cheat. Although I think that if you tell your wife, and she doesnt leave you, then your pretty lucky. But if you do chose to leave your wife for the other woman, I doubt you will be truly happy. You will probably realize that your wife now really was the one you loved and wanted to be with. And that the girl you cheated with was just a fling that wasnt what you really thought. You will be miserable either way, to some extent. Because you have to face the consequences of what you did to the woman you are supposed to love and respect. You should have never cheated. Every one has temptation and lust. You could find thousands of girls perfect for you all over the world if you looked. But that doesnt matter, you have to be faithful to the one you chose. Because thats whats important in life, being true to the ones you love. No one is perfect, you know this already. But being honest with your wife now may be the only way to set you free from all this guilt and turmoil inside you. Stop thinking about the other woman. She doesnt really matter when it comes down to it. Its about you and your wife and your child. Be honest with your wife. She deserves that.

Answer 6

Sounds like you have gotten yourself into some really deep water. Not only have you involved these two women, but you also have your child to take into account.

Honestly, the only advice I can give you is to follow your heart. Like you said, one way or another someone is going to be deeply hurt, but you have to decide what will 1) be best for you and 2) what will be best in the long run. You need to take into account all of the feelings of the people involved, but do not forget to take into account your own feelings, wants and needs.

I hope everything works out for the best, and just remember, everything happens for a reason, and it is hard to figure out what that reason may be.

Best of luck.

Answer 7

I think that the best option would be to discuss the matter with the both of them - together, if that is at all possible. Once everyone has a face and a name, things can be discussed among adults; having them together in front of you might just make you realize that you do care more for one than the other. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose, and I hope this helps.

Answer 8

why hurt your wife, and child, to begin a new family and make a new child with someone else? if she would destroy your marriage, and cheat with u knowing u are married, do u really think she has such wonderful morals. sounds as if u have made up your mind and want to do this anyway in spite of knowing the outcome with your marriage.

Answer 9

boy what u need to do is tell the other girl that you are married and that you are sorry but you already have a kid and that you want to be with your wife and not her b/c if you want to beable to see your kid anytime you want then you should stay with your wife b/c if you dont stay with here then she could take your kid and movw far away so you cant find her no more so yea i think you should just stay with ur wife but its your choice not mine good luck on that

Answer 10

I can't believe you cheated on your wife. I say you leave your wife because obviously she deserves better. Not someone who lets themselves get consumed in another woman..