Step Mom with discipline difficulties?

Question

I am a Step Mom to a five year old daughter. My husband and I have been married for 3 years and my daughter has lived with us for the whole time. My husband and I have never agreed on how to discipline her. I have spoken with my husband on several occasions about this situation. His mother and our daughters teacher’s have also spoken with us about this issue. I feel, as do others that have seen our situation, that he is much too easy on her. I was just wondering if anyone had any recommendations. Any help is appreciated.

Answer 1

It's important to have structure and boundries. If those things are in place a lot of other things fall in to place. She's not too young to have a little structure (designated bedtime, learning time, nap time, fun time etc.). If her teacher is having concerns, then it is time to look more closely at those things.

Answer 2

You haven't indicated exactly what the discipline difficulties are with your daughter, nor have you indicated what has been tried so far, so its a little difficult to assess whether or not he is "much to easy on her" or not from this vantage point. By the sound of it, though, whatever has been tried so far "isn't working".

Maybe the best approach would be to sit down with your husband and have a slightly different conversation, not one about your step daughter, but one about your seperate approaches to parenting. I'm guessing that there are some deep-seeded personal issues that are causing him to respond to this situation in the way he is responding. Maybe his personal convictions are even correct, but you won't know if you can't get him to talk about this stuff. Try not to steer the conversation in the direction of "how to discipline your step daughter", and instead, try to steer it to "what do you believe about parenting and why". I think that might be more productive.

I hope this helps. Wishing you the best of luck.

Answer 3

I guess it depends whether he feels any guilt over his separation with the biological mother. Sometimes, that's a huge factor. From what I've learnt with other families in this area, is that the step parent needs to become the child's friend first; they're not dumb...they know you weren't there from day dot...earn the child's respect and they'll listen regardless what the father thinks...explain things clearly and in age appropriate language and if need be, use the same tactics on the father.

Sometimes fathers just go easier on girls because they are girls. Talk to him as well in a non-confrontational manner - after all, it is his daughter...ask him why he is the way he his and see if that sheds any light. If the mother is around and is lenient, you'll have to adjust parenting styles to take that into account. It's one of those fields where learning a little child psychology really does help. It's complicated family dynamics which, especially being the one coming into it, takes a fair amount of work to get it to gel on all accounts.

Answer 4

Sign up you and your hubby for a parenting class. You will find out that you need a unified front when dealing with kids. If you cannot agree on what the rules are, the child will play one against the other. This results in the child being in control of the house and you and your husband will be wondering what happened when your little one gets in her teens. Teenage years are tough enough without having had years of parenting issues. If your hubby refuses to go to parenting classes, perhaps you should consider if you want to remain in a home where you will always have conflict over children.

Answer 5

Where is her biological mother. If she is in the picture all of you should be on the same line as far as disciple and you can work this by making a rule board with rules for each home, similar so she understands you are working together. She is to follow these rules or time out. You can try talking with your husband alone about this idea and see what he says or try to come up with your own game plan as long as everyone is on the same page.

Answer 6

You and your husband really need to find a common ground when it comes to the discipline issue. Children need to be disciplined and it really needs to have started already with her. Please just sit down with your hubby and gets things on the same path or else you both will be suffering down the line.

Answer 7

i used to be precisely like the doorstep son!!... I hated cleansing my room!!... Its super to be sure that your attempting new procedures and speaking to him like an grownup and an equivalent. now and returned you spot mothers and dads come into the image and basically attempt to be overly bossy. i think of you're able to attempt and make issues greater relaxing!... as an occasion.. set a time of the week which you all have a cleansing hour. You and mum could tidy the kitchen and lounge whilst the youngsters do their rooms on a similar time. positioned some funky track on in the returned floor and get the youngsters bouncing around. Then enable them to be attentive to, when you men sparkling your room we can flow bowling, or flow to the park, or flow to the movies.. or have a picnic... some thing to reward them for ending!!.. this could get him somewhat greater stimulated to get the "boring" stuff out of ways and to go directly to the greater relaxing stuff!!!.. have you ever tried multi-vitimins? they look so uncomplicated and you wouldnt think of they make a brilliant difference yet they make teenagers greater alert and centred. I advise in line with threat attempting this for a month to be sure if it enables!!... Plus its super for their wellbeing!!.. With the crying element i could basically permit it flow.. hes a youthful boy.. in case you think of its some thing greater severe in line with threat flow to his college and notice if he can talk with the college councillor approximately any themes he has approximately his bio-dad. He could be feeling deserted or some thing like that. i desire you may get him on the right track even nonetheless it seems for the main area he's a sturdy youngster!!!

Answer 8

She is only five you need to stop this now before it gets worse...you need to talk to your husband and agree on how to raise her_

Answer 9

First of all, don't air your dirty laundry to the public......why are you discussing this with her teacher and his mother??? What is the matter with you???? You need to seek out family counseling and if you are all dedicated to resolve your difficulties, you will. Again, stop sharing witht he world your problems.....shame, shame! Your husband is probably embarrased......DUH!

Answer 10

fix it now, and make sure you are in agreement with eachother. You are playing with fire if you don't fix it right now.