am i a selfish mother for styling my hair?

Question

Hi, i am 24yo, have two toddlers, i am alone evryday with my kids and sometimes i feel down having the same hair style since high school,,,groan! i began to style my hair with an curling iron, i liked the outcome and began to style my hair now and then,,not everyday! cos it takes a good 30 mins to do it. my husband started to complain to me, said i was being selfish, that i dont need make up and i dont need to style my hair, cos i have kids and should concentrate my time playing with them, i know hes right but sometimes i want some time for me even if its just to make myself feel better and i think make up and hair styling is relaxing, makes me feel better i dont want bed hair all day long! so now i sometimes style my hair at weekends and i dont wear make up during the week either, but i am being a selfish mother for thinking about my appearance? must i look like tired worn out mother everyday?

Answer 1

I'm sorry to say this but your husband sounds like a very mean man, having children is supposed to be a blessing and added extra in life and doe snot mean you should sacrafice everything else in the process. Of course you need to feel good about yourself and I'm sure in reality you could probably spend even more time on yourself without making hardly any difference on your childrens up bringing. It would be intersting to know if your husband has given up any of his pleasures or if you have been left to do everything. If you want to look at it froma mothers point of view what example are you setting them if you alow somebody to dictate to you how to live your life if you have daughters you are giving them the message that you only need to look good to attract a man and once you have children your life is over and if you have sons your teaching them to be disrespectful to women.

Answer 2

First of all your husband is the selfish jerk. Do he spend every moment of every day playing with the kids? Or do he get a chance to sit down and watch the game or wash the car? As long as you (or him) are not neglecting the children don't feel bad about the time you give to yourself.

Also I have this question, do he still look at you the same as he did before you had his children? Let him know that becoming a mother didn't stop you from being a woman.

Having children is a joint effort, the mother and father should spend time with the children.

Answer 3

It takes me one hour every day to put on my makeup & style my hair. I've brought up 5 children & they all think I'm bloody amazing for my age, I think it's downright selfish to look a mess or feel less the Woman that you could feel with just a little care of yourself. All my kids like to look good & take care of their appearance too.

What's selfish & so sad is your husbands attitude, he's frightened that if you look good, someone else may just show you some attention. Don't fall for this crap, I bet he likes to look at a pretty Girl though. talk about double standards.

You do your hair Babe, don't let him or anyone else turn you into a down trodden housewife/mother
He's the one with the problem, not you.

Answer 4

basically from the way this digital mail is written, it style of feels you're being somewhat dramatic. there's no longer something incorrect with getting a hair cut back and charm if that's what you prefer to do, and that i think of your mom replaced into very beneficiant to handle you to a hair cut back. very great! seems to me you and your husband have some specific communique themes. ... and is there any point of emotional intimacy left between you in any respect? does not appear as if it from right here. once you're scuffling with menopausal indications, communicate with your physician. sounds like an alien takes over our suggestions different time whilst we are going interior the direction of the exchange. you additionally can prefer to place a concentration on being calmer and attempt to end demanding approximately issues you won't be able to alter. It sounds such as you have your self all labored up approximately each and everything.... that's fit to discover contentment and additionally popularity of others. incredibly your husband.

Answer 5

Wait so your husband thinks it's selfish that you take 30 mins out of a 24 hour day to make your self feel better? That's not selfish and you shouldn't feel bad at all. As long as you are takling care of your kids and giving them all the attention and love and care that they need,then you're fine.

Answer 6

just because you are a mum does not mean you cease to be a woman! you are not selfish at all! if you want to make an effort with your appearance then go for it! i'm sure there's a point in the day where your children have a nap? do your hair and make up then. if it makes you feel good then do it! hope this helps

Answer 7

Husbands often develop a low opinion of their wives. His work gets paid for (even though it's only 8 hours a day and he seems to find it easy), whereas yours is more like 20 hours a day, sometimes, and unpaid. Since a lot of his money will go towards the house, car, you and the kids, he may easily start to resent you. He may think, for partly financial reasons, that you shouldn't spend any money on yourself.

You need to gradually change his opinion of things.

Answer 8

He's only saying that because he doesn't want you to attract other men. Ok just because your a mom doesn't mean you have to look messed up. Nothing is wrong with getting dressed and doing your hair, putting on make-up. Do what makes you feel good, just make sure that it is appropriate enough for your kids. Talk to your husband, let him know that you do it for you and not for peoples eyes.

Answer 9

No and dont let your husband discourage you. Just cause you have a couple kids doesnt mean you dont want to look attractive. There is nothing selfish about that at all.

Answer 10

No you are not selfish. Are you children cared for? Yes? Then your fine.

Your husband needs to rethink his position. It is unhealthy for you and later when your depressed because you constantly feel like crap it will be unhealthy for him. He looks at you like your just a Mom, but you a Woman too. Don't loose sight of that.