Should you stay in a marriage if you are unhappy for your child?

Question

I want nothing more than the best for my child..I am not sure if me staying with his father will only benefit him now and not in the future. If me not being totally happy will effect him. Or if leaving will only hurt him. My husband is a wonderful father and always will be..I just want all my thoughts clear before I make a decision.

Answer 1

Jennifer, staying in an unhappy marriage creates tensions that any child, at any age, can pick up. Sometimes children feel responsible for parents splitting so be careful about this. You have to live your own life and if that means leaving him, do it. But honor yourself. Be true to yourself. You are the best friend you will ever have, learn to love yourself and accept yourself as you are...without judgment. If you decide to leave, you are aware of the consequences...unhappy relationship with the father for a while, disturbed child, feelings of guilt, and so forth. Screw guilt. Honor yourself and remember that you and the father are ALWAYS going to be the parents of the child. So honor him by the way you deal with him, and honor your child by the way you deal with the child. Good luck, you have a difficult but surmountable road ahead.

Answer 2

I stayed way too long and my child suffered because of it. The relationship between the parent and the children are completely difference than husband and wife. I guess what helped me make my decision to leave was doing a time line of the relationship. What held me back was knowing that my wife was very vindictive and the bias of the courts. I guess once you make your decision whether to leave or not try for the kids sake to come up with a fair shared parenting plan. Because your kids need and want the love of both parents. The courts have no idea what is in the best interest of the child is only you and their father.

If your children see you happy apart and that they have access to both of you then they will adjust fine. Kids are very flexible and will adjust well if love and understanding are there. As the parents its your job to give them that love and understanding.

Good luck

Answer 3

If this is truly the end, and you are absolutely sure you want to get out of your marriage, then you need to do it. Your son will resent you if you don't. Divorce and custody arrangements are hard on kids, but unhappy parents are even harder!

I don't even have to ask how old your son is, because it doesn't matter what age he is. They are very smart, and know a lot more than we give them credit for. They can be 2 years old and know exactly what is going on! Been there, done that! It sucks!

Just make sure you and your husband are civil around the kid, nothing is worse than being the child in a nasty divorce and dread the bi-weekly switch because every time your parents look at each other, they fight!

Answer 4

Sweetheart why should you sell your child short of his/her happiness just for your happiness. The only one who's going to suffer from this is the child. I understand that marriages can go sour at times but honey try and work it out. Put forth an effort to make things work. Pray and ask God for guidance. So many times marriages fail because couples tend to leave God out and they tend not to follow God's rules for marriage. When we learn to obey God's rules and instructions things could be so much better for us. Share this information with your husband. Theres a saying that goes: A family that prays together stays together. You stated that your husband was a wonderful father and always will be, so why take that away from your child. Sometimes we as adults can be selfish not considering our children and only considering ourselves in what we want and whats going to make us happy. Please give this some thought before making a decision to divorce only to end up regretting it later on down the road. I pray this advice helps you. Good luck.

Answer 5

You and your husband need to go to marriage counseling. The problems you are facing are not unusual, however, a divorce (or your leaving) will devestate your child. It will come out in behavior issues both now and later on in life. So frequently we adults just get self-centered and selfish because we think our needs are not being met. The basis of most of this is lack of communication. You don't tell your husband what you are feeling (he can't read your mind or guess) and he doesn't understand your need for an emotional based decision instead of his analytical decision. Do not be selfish or egocentric and damage your child. You CANNOT resurrect the child's ego or behavior problems if you leave. You CAN work out your issues IF there is no abuse involved or no infidelity (and even these can be worked out).

Answer 6

If you're not happy in your relationship with your husband, but he's a good dad, then there is no need to remove your child from his life because the two of you separate. At first the separation will be rough on the child, but if your husband does what he's supposed to as far as remaining in the child's life I see no problem. But you need to find out how much involvement your husband will want after the separation. Conversation is the key.

Answer 7

First of all you need to ask yourself: Why you are unhappy ? Is there anyway to make yourself happy? If the chances to be happy in this marriage is ZERO, then leave. but if there's a little bit of hope that it will work out, then try yourbest to a point when your really do your best but still not works and your already give up of trying. Do something to your life. Your happiness not just depends on him. IT depends on you.

Answer 8

Staying in the marriage for the child is not a good ideal. It will only end up hurting the child in the long run. I know that its going to hurt like hell leaving (for your child), but if your not happy, your child is going to see that every day of his life.

If you do decide to leave, love your son and make sure that he gets to see his dad as often as he can. Never talk down about his dad in front of him.

My kids like me being happy versus living in a house that made me miserable, because it makes them miserable as well.

Answer 9

NO!!! You can't stay for the happiness of your child because eventually the child will figure out that something isn't right. The child will be even more unhappy then than if you just left now.

Answer 10

i think you should follow your heart. i believe that staying in a marriage where your not happy will only hurt everyone. in the future, the child will sense the tension between the two of you and will know something is wrong. children sense things of that nature. the child may not understand now, but he/she will benefit in the end.