To be married to some one that will be going to prison?

Question

I have known him for 6 months. Was to be married on July 2. Just found out he will be going to prison for 2 to 10 years. Charged with unlawful conduct with a minor of 14 that lived in town and picture trading with teens online but the age could not be found out. I just don't think it would be a good start to a new marrage. He don't want to wait until he gets out. I was told a bit about this when I met him and became his gf but he said it was not true. I love him and want to marry him but not like this. I just don't know what I should do. I do have two teen sons that like him and he is good to. What would you do and how would you talk to him about it? If I don't marry him he thinks I never loved him.

Answer 1

Can I be brutally honest with you?

You say you have two teen sons. That makes me wonder whether or not you are at a certain age as a woman where you are worried that this may be your last chance at love, and that it is informing your thought processes. I mean, in addition to the fact that you love him. Otherwise, wouldn't you be worried as heck that he's got this conviction over his head at all? I mean, generally, where there's smoke, there's fire. There's got to be something to the charges if he's been convicted. Imagine for a moment that he was guilty of what he's been convicted of. Can you live with that?

6 months isn't really that long to get to know someone either. How well do you really know this guy?

Further, people who love you don't issue you ultimatums, not if the love is real. You should be able to tell him that you need to wait until he is a free man before the two of you begin your lives together, or that you need to use this time to think, or simply that you have to admit to yourself and to him that you can't maintain a marriage from prison.

Overall, I suggest that you step back, take a deep breath, pray, and think carefully. Search your soul. What do you believe? What do you want? Get your mind and heart clear, and decide from there.

Answer 2

Why would you marry somebody you have only known for six months (and going to jail)? When a man gets married he should be able to take care of his wife and family .... How is he going to do this in jail?

Also he wasn't just charged with the crime, if he is going to jail, he was found guilty. What is unlawful conduct with a minor? If he had sex with a minor he will be going on the SEX OFFENDERS list and his address (yours if he lives with you) will be posted, where your neighbors can find it. How is that going to affect you and your children?

Also I don't want to butter up your problem, because you need to see the light of what you are getting your children into. Before he goes to jail he may only have sex with women and teen-aged girls. Once he spends any amount of time in jail, he will become the sex partner (willingly or not) of some big man in prison who don't have a snowball's chance in hell of every seeing a woman again. They don't like child molesters in prison, so these men don't get a break

P.S: So are you really ready to let a man you have only known for six months. Destroy your family's peace of mind? If it's meant to be wait until he gets out of jail. Also do you plan to wait 2 to 10 years to have sex again? If you don't marry him you don't have to divorce him if you find somebody better for your family.

Answer 3

Don't marry him. If he really loves you, he would wait. You never know what would happen or will happen when he gets out. I hate to say it but if he wasn't guilty he wouldn't be going to prison. Whatever he did must be a pretty serious offense.

Having a significant other in prison is never a good way to start a new relationship. If you have sons, that is definitely not a good way to raise them. You are opening up a Pandora's Box.
If you love him that much, wait until he gets out of prison and see what happens from there. Don't marry him now...you both might regret that decision.

Answer 4

Ummm...I would walk away....unlawful conduct of a minor and trading pictures of minors....usually means that it is done in a sexual way.....Do you want your boys to grow up and think this behavior is ok?? You need to think about the consequences here...I mean if it was a charge on sexual conduct with a minor do you not think that if you allow this man in your life, and someone knows what he did, you would have child protective services on you like nobody's business!! Don't put yourself and your children through this....If this charge was not true then why is he going to prison for it....I mean they had to have some evidence against him in order to charge him.....They just don't go say hey you "LOOK" guilty so we are going to spend the tax payers money on putting you on trial and sending you to prison because you look guilty...COME ON GET REAL!! If you believe this man you need really rethink everything....the way you wrote it to me sounds like you believe he is guilty because if there were no doubt in your mind you would marry him.....Don't think about what you want do what's best for your sons!!

Answer 5

Trust your gut feeling. If he is going to be in jail for so long, you can't be expected to wait for him. It's unfair of him to even ask you to do that. Why should you put your life on hold, and wait to have a normal married life with this man. As for him going to jail in the first place. I wouldn't believe him that he didn't do it, if a court of law found him guilty, then they have evidence to prove that, and sent him to jail for a long time for a reason. Do you really want to expose your kids to that kind of person? You haven't known him for that long, and there for i think that you can't really trust him. You only know a bit about him, and it's not that good. People tent to show you want they want you to see. Like i said before, trust your gut. how would you feel if you ignored it and some thing happen? Like crap. don't take that chance. You wrote this question cause you questioned your self already, you shouldn't have to second guess your self.

Answer 6

Six months isn't long enough to know someone to marry them.The main thing that You do know is he should never be allowed near Your children.Sure He will say anything to get You to hook up with hm so You can send Him commisary money,letters etc.Your teen sons need someone a lot more stable in their lives than a prisoner.If Your self esteem is that low,You should see a minister or a close friend and talk about what You are about to do....

Answer 7

He sounds like a pedofile. RUN, don't walk, away from this guy as fast as u can! Yeah, he likes ur sons, for his own pleasure. keep them as far away from him as possible! This man is bad news. DO NOT let this man near ur boys again, ever. The only reason he wants to marry u is to get next to the boys. THINK!! U were told about him before u became his gf, & he LIED to u. Are u so hard up for a man that u would jeapordize ur sons for him? DO NOT under any circumstances, let this guy near u or ur sons when he gets out of prison. Guys like him don't change, he'll always be a pedofile. Like I said, RUN as fast & far as u can AWAY from him!! Next time, don't be so gullible. Get to know a man BEFORE u agree to marry him. Good Luck, u'll need it! ( & so will ur sons).

Answer 8

I know you love him. Your sons like him. But, I think I'd let this fish get away. Too many questions. Also, trading pictures with teens online? Are you kidding? He most definitely has an attraction to kids. What is it they say? If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck. Sorry hon, it's a duck. Let it go, or you will alway's be wondering if he's checkin out some kid. Yuck!

Answer 9

From experenice guys who go for younger girls always will. They never stop. I went out with a guy who was 22 when I was 16 I thought it was cool.. But now he is 30 with a 16 year old. That's gross. He had older girlfriends but always went for the younger ones, and they don't stop. It's a sickness, like guys who like child porn. Do not marry him, and once he's in prison I'm sure your feelings will change if they don't then think about it but don't do it till he's done his term. Cuz he might come out and you might be too old for him. Good luck.

Answer 10

In the interest of your sons, you should cease the relationship IMMEDIATELY. Can't you see the dangers? He is already labeled as a sex offender. So the question now becomes, "Do I want my sons associating with a sex offender? Not to mention the fact that he'll never get a good job. Is that the support you look for in a man?