Over the last couple of years, my wife gets very abusive, physically and verbally whenever we disagree on anything. She's gained a huge amount of weight and doesn't think that physical attraction should matter to me. It matters to her, but she doesn't think it should matter to me. I avoid her whenever possible because I'm not attracted to her anymore and I feel no passion for her. I do love her, though and I love our children and do not want to hurt any of them.
Can anyone who doesn't feel attracted to their spouse tell me how you deal with it? What's the best way to tell your spouse that it's just not there anymore? Does counseling really help?
2006-12-24 12:06:53 · 5 answers · asked by Leroy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You and your wife need to sit down and re-evaluate this relationship. Marriages have agreements and disagreements all the time. I think counseling can help. It sounds like you and your wife have underlying issues that counseling can make you aware of. I think if you really love each other it can work. However, you must respect each other. Physical and verbal abuse will not help your relationship. In the best relationships, two people should be able to talk to each other about anything. It is not a healthy relationship if you are not able to express yourself. However, oftentimes women have children and they gain weight. You must realize that it is not always easy to get it off. A woman wants to feel that her husband will love her unconditionally. Afterall, she gave up her figure, having kids for you. Body imagery is very important to a woman. Especially if she had a great figure, before the kids. If you can somehow make her feel that she is safe with your love, I think she will start to take her weight gain more seriously. She sounds defensive. Avoiding intimacy will only go on for so long. You need to confront your feelings. Go to counseling with or without your wife. Hopefully, she will come to realize that your feelings are important too. My husband wants to know if your wife works. He feels this makes a difference.
2006-12-24 12:40:49 · answer #1 · answered by Snobunny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion is counseling not only doesn't help, but, also puts you in a financial bind, which is one of the biggest reasons for divorce. Now for the other part. Looks should not matter. However, personality and character do! You're getting the short stick on both. My wife is way over weight. I would bet $ that she is way heavier than yours, but that's another vice. I love her dearly though, because she is the sweetest women on earth! I would suggest that you do as I did. Work out!!! I went on a diet, plus did a sit up video (an insane video too) and bought a set of olympic weights. If you feel better and look better maybe it will spark a change in her? I hasn't sparked anything in my wife yet, but I look good and I get lucky allot more! wink wink!
2006-12-24 12:26:06 · answer #2 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you both need to seek counseling because of the abuse. It is not fair to you to be in an abusive relationship. Specially since you have children. You do not want them to see Mom and Dad fighting. Yes, counseling really does help. Find a counselor you find comfortable to work with. Who you can speak to easily to. It worked for me and my husband. During your sessions, be as open as possible to your wife and let her know honestly how you are feeling and try to work out those issues with your therapist.
2006-12-24 12:28:49 · answer #3 · answered by karibe25 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately looks do matter, but as it is your wife maybe you need to make your self look past the outer shell and look at the woman inside.
My husband has put on weight and I don't like it. I can't make him do something about it but I am hoping he sees me losing a little weight and trying harder to look nice and decides to do the same. If he doesn't well that is his problem, I will just look at the inner man.
I am going to look after myself anyway.
2006-12-24 12:18:49 · answer #4 · answered by older mum 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
coueling only helps those who want it. Sounds like if you tried to talk she would just yell. A little time apart might help her think what it would be like with you gone. If you want her to lose wieght then you need to start doing things together to get her this way. Eat and doing activities. Both need to work on what they need to, to make themself and the other happy. If she does not want to and you already spend time away then may just be time to make it permenant if she knows you are not happy already. Life is to short to tay unhappy.
2006-12-24 12:21:10 · answer #5 · answered by ronnny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋