Have you noticed that when a couple meet they are so in love and then when they get married that magic seems to disappear and then later on there seems to be no love at all. I wonder why this is.Couples who were inseparable change so much after marriage.
2006-12-24 11:39:02 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is because of the common occurence in relationships for the couple to mistake romance as love. Granted, romance can be a part of love, can lead up to love, can help show someone you love them, but it is not the same nor is a replacement for actual, down to earth, real love.
The change you see in couples after marriage is the result of the eventual shift from an ideal to a real perception of each partner sinking in. One of the best analogies for this phenomenon was related in the movie 'High Fidelity' in which the main character, a male, talks about how, when you are dating a girl, all you ever see is her "fancy underwear". So you are led to believe the ideal delusion that all she has is fancy underwear and this may be an important part of your perception of her. It isn't until after marriage (or she moves in, in the movie's case) that the main character sees a clothes line full of granny panties and the reality that his girlfriend is a living, breathing, 100% normal woman sinks in. His idea of perfection is irrevocably shattered and he is suddenly dating a granny-panty wearing woman.
The reason for this distinction basically boils down to the socially accepted conception of romance being based in the ideal and love being based in the real. When people are dating and first married, it is easy to overlook certain flaws, pet peeves and realities to continue to idealize your partner. As time progresses, these realities become harder to ignore, until the point at which you have to acquiesce to loving your partner for all that he or she is--granny panties and all--or you refuse and start to distance yourself from the relationship and the magic begins to fade away. It is much easier to romance the perfect creature of your dreams than it is to love the real person you're with.
2006-12-24 12:26:34 · answer #1 · answered by jp_reed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was inseparable before i got married. after i started to come into my own a bit and thought i needed to have my own identity and learn how to exist outside of the relationship. i had some rather interesting experiences, but at the end of the day i realized it's more work looking around elsewhere than it is to work with the relationship that you have. i started putting in more time and effort into the relationship and recommitted myself to it.
i wasn't missing anything. you can either repair the relationship that you have, or you can try to juggle relationships elsewhere, which is far more work than any one person should have to handle. some people just find someone and fall in love and want to get a divorce and start over again elsewhere, i don't know what that's like and couldn't conceive of it. relationships are cyclical, and if you're not into it today you will be tomorrow. a good marriage, isn't maintaining the same level of emotion or anything until the end of the time, it just doesn't work out that way. you can keep up a good appearance, and no one else has to know what you two are going through, but there's going to be some fluidity in the relationship if it's real.
2006-12-24 11:46:40 · answer #2 · answered by collard greens with hash browns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is because after some people get married, they tend to reveal the sides of them that they kept hidden throughout the courting. Also, it becomes less about your partner , since afterall, you are already married.
But do not be discouraged though, you can still keep the magic alive if you work hard. It is not something that happens passively. With God, all things are possible.
Merry Christmas!
2006-12-25 06:32:45 · answer #3 · answered by Stavi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because it is not given a chance. people who let the magic slip away are forgetful. they lose sight of what brought them together in the first place. little things should be put in place in every day . when you wake up in the morning and see that face,during the day when they just pop into your head and you smile for that memory. that is magic. but because every one has a busy life people tend to forget. and there is love there it is just misplaced. if you can just take a minute out of your day and just sit and think on why you married this person and how much you two have been through and what wonderful way can you surprise them and it doesn't have to cost a thing. you can have magic just don't forget.
2006-12-24 12:18:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't have to be that way. It is taking the other person for granted. Couples should always put the other one first and always put their marriage first before anything or anyone. Do things to keep your marriage fresh and alive. Your husband/wife should always be the most important person to you and their feelings should always be first. When people divorce they frequently marry someone else and have the same problems but a different face. Maybe it is better to work out what is wrong so that doesn't happen and kids don't have their lives ruined.
2006-12-24 11:45:53 · answer #5 · answered by papricka w 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I guess that's true for some people who are married, But myself and my wife just went through that faze in are marriage. But even after eleven years I have the hots for her, And I still chase her around the house bagging for some of her goodies. But even before we where married and After the birth of are two daughters. We still love each other, And we are still best friends. The problem with marriage today is that men and women forget some times about their best friend who is that person they married.You see young lady love go's in and out the door, By remembering the person who is your partner and your best friend, your love will with stand the hard times.
2006-12-24 11:59:54 · answer #6 · answered by omegarussell42 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the trouble with people today is they expect everything to be like the bloody movies, they have to get everything, now, new house new furniture etc etc, love is the same if you dont have a bloody orgasm every time they walk in the room love is dead, allegedly, the trouble is no- one is willing to make any effort, love is like a puppy, all soft and cuddly and bouncy, then it grows into a dog, loyal, faithful, and a precious companion but not as exciting as a puppy, the trouble is people wont let it grow into a dog, they always want the damn puppy, there is going to be a lot of lonely people in fifty years time, unless this generation learns the beauty of quiet companionship, and the true value of facing the world together.
2006-12-24 12:19:03 · answer #7 · answered by magpyre 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't die, it changes and blossoms, and you know that you would do anything for that person. That is true love. Love comes in phases. First is infactuation, then a more subtle love, then it becomes normal, then it becomes a bond. Your probably in the normality stages and used to it and are not feeling those great feelings of infactuation. Give it time and you will see how strong love can be.
2006-12-24 11:42:56 · answer #8 · answered by lvillejj 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People get into a pattern and a routine and things become second nature but by the same token,taking one another for granted.Marriage is what you make it..,if you let it fall into limbo it will go there..,not blaming all women but many are to blame for it..,they no longer want to keep the excitement in the marriage and sometimes no longer take care of themselves.Just my opinion.
2006-12-25 09:13:22 · answer #9 · answered by halfbright 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm most scared of that happening. Got to make sure that you're not only with someone who you believe that you love when marrying, but that they are your best mate too!..its so great to see couples who have been married for over 20 years that are still so happy! They are out there..
2006-12-24 12:25:41 · answer #10 · answered by Talia W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋