Did he marry me for the right reason?
I married a guy from a pretty poor country three months ago. We are happy, but we don't live together which my friends think is weird.The thing is, he works six days a week for twelve hours a time on nights, and his work is forty minutes away, so it does sorta make sense for him to have a room there to sleep.
Of course he got a visa when he married me, and that's what my friends think he was after.
I see him three or four times a week, he is kind and considerate and treats me really well, but in the back of my mind there is the thought that my friends are right and he's just being nice to keep me sweet so he won't lose his visa.
I have asked him if he just married me for it and he gets angry that I could even ask.
What do you guys think
2006-12-24 11:17:51 · 46 answers · asked by CHARISMA 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It could be either or. Try talking to him about it. Dont just out right ask him if he married you for his visa. It is feasable for him to stay where he works, due to gas prices, but what about you moving up with him and finding another job. Or him finding another job and moving back in with you. Discuss it with him. Let him know that you miss him, and want to be with him. If this doesnt work, then yes, your friends could be right. Good luck honey!
2006-12-27 10:29:02 · answer #1 · answered by countrygirl66032 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you love this man?? thats what you really need to think about, your friends may be jealous that you have a good thing going with this man which is why they are poking in to your business and making you think such thoughts. If you do love him move closer to him and start a proper relationship but if your meeting up the amount you say you do your already seeing more of each other than some couples and if he treats you well..........that shows you something he could have easily turned around locked you in the house and kept his visa. Sit and talk to him about your fears if he is from a poor country all he will want to do is make money to make a better life for himself and his family, but you have to help him understand that you are his family now and that he should me working on your relationship as hard as he is working. At the end of the day the choice is yours but there must have been something about him that made you want to marry him in the first place....
2006-12-25 09:39:37 · answer #2 · answered by life_vamp 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am in a similar situation. Sometimes I have become very suspicious of my husband, but mainly because of what people around me say, not because of what I truly feel. I have been married to my husband for a lot longer than, but doubt can always creep in, especially if you are insecure.
It is very typical for Albanians to work like crazy, certainly no-one could ever say they were lazy lol. But if he comes to see you three or four times a week, he definitely cares. If he didn't, trust me he wouldn't bother.
The truth is only time will tell for both of us, but outsiders can't really see the whole picture and when they hear you are married to an Eastern European, they will automatically think they have married you for a Visa. I think it's a shame that people jump to such conclusions, especially when they don't even know you or your husband, but I guess it's just something we have to deal with.
Only you know what you feel deep down, you should always go with your gut instinct. Take care : )
2006-12-25 16:53:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
How long have you known this guy for?
And why would it make sense that he should sleep on his workplace just because it's 40 minutes away?
Come on?
So, if you have a baby, because he's working in the morning, what will you do? stiffle the poor thing if it does dare cry at night? have your husband sleep in another room? or take turn into looking after him?
There are people who drive for 1hour forht and another back.
They would do it because it's a good job, so ok they don't want to give it up, however it wouldn't cross their mind to sleep on the premises, now would it.
If this marriage of yours is to succeed, you need to become more awake and stamp your feet a bit, or YOU are going to drive the guy to cheat on you with YOUR blessing.
Have some commun sense and ask for proper marriage conditions or just have this "arrangement" you call marriage annuled!
2006-12-24 22:05:01 · answer #4 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you already know the answer. Is there any way you can get that green card back?? Don't let him live or stay with you again. He is only staying with you to cover his *** with INS. You can tell INS he doesn't live with you. Call and find out your rights. So when is 40 minutes too long a commute. Lots of Americans work 12 hours a day and for 6 days a week. It's called making a living. What is he doing for the rest of his night? If he came from a poor country, he problably walk twice that long to get to the main road. So he is sweet....how sweet....
2006-12-24 11:26:29 · answer #5 · answered by Nunya B 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think that it could be part of the reason. However, why havent you moved closer to be with your husband. It makes sense that he is where he is, however does it make sense that you are where you are, considering that you are married. He works approximately 72hrs a week. Does he know that he can make more money driving a truck? Drivers, earn about 60k a year after their first couple of years, and they dont have to work 70 clock hrs a week. Its more like 70 hrs in 8 days, with thirty four hrs off. This averages 8.5 hrs a day. What exactly are you doing to cushion his efforts. You are married now. What were your reasons for marrying someone that you dont want to live with?
2006-12-24 11:26:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know of a lady who married a Muslem, because he was very good looking and she believe every word he said. To get married he insisted that she wore a home made Burka made from a pillow case and he took the wedding photos and sent them to his folks at home. He insisted she wore the burka when talking to his friends. The marriage was a sham though, he was gay and needed not so much the visa (although that was a major part of it) but a 'beard' - a wife to prove to his family he was straight. Something in your problem reminded me of this story. I hope I'm wrong.
2006-12-28 11:06:35 · answer #7 · answered by selchiequeen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know where you live, but where I'm from a 40 minute commute is nothing! It sounds like an excuse to live a double life to me. Another "room" costs extra money that he could be spending in gas to get back home to his wife. Of course he's going to get angry if you ask about it - that would be the case if he DID or if he DIDN'T marry you for the greencard. I think you should offer to go with him and stay in the room with him one week and see what the reaction is. If he is adamantly against it I would follow him and see why he didn't want me there. That should give you a pretty clear answer to your question.
God bless you! Merry Christmas! I hope you're not having to spend it alone!
2006-12-24 11:42:33 · answer #8 · answered by Pamela 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Married, but don't live together? He works only 40 mins away? You see him 3/4 times a week? He gets angry if you ask if he married you for his visa?
Where is the love in this union?
2006-12-27 08:14:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Mmmm, as all as I can say is that , for many years I worked two and a half hours away, and I got home every night after long shifts. Think about it, forty minutes is nothing in comparison, and no, I didn't have a room away.Sorry, but I think you had best start preparing for what appears to be the inevitable. good luck.
2006-12-25 08:25:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋