I feel like I don't understand anything?

Question

Lately, I've been feeling a little like I'm in the Matix. It's a feeling that is very hard to describe... I wonder about where I am, am I really there, who really are these people, etc.
I feel like a stranger in my own world, like I'm not sure if these things really exist.
It's sort of scary and i wish I could stop feeling this way.
Is this some kind of disorder? What should I do? Am I the only one?

Answer 1

No one wishes to be careless with somebody else's state of being, but I feel quite familiar with the feeling-state that you have related here. After having been through something quite similar in intervals and with variations, several times, I tend to feel that you should not worry excessively about it.

In my experience this feeling of odd detachment, alienation, non-comprehension, unreality, indescribable unrelatedness and the feeling of a sort of automatism, is cyclic and tends to accompany transitions. I've even noticed that it can be collective at times, as if humanity as a whole passes through phases. It is when the phase has spent itself that there can be feelings of remarkable unreality, where nothing seems familiar and you do not feel that you are 'in control' of what reality is. Nothing seems as we think it should be, or as we have known it to be, or as we have been programmed into believing it is. This can include one's family, one's friends, one's religion, education, one's immediate world and even one's own face. You can look in the mirror and be very disturbed at what you see. Who is that person? In fact it is possible not to even feel like a person and certainly not the person you have known up to that point. But this is an important aspect of the nature of phases that all living things must pass through.

I once lived in Toronto and I used to have this experience often. I called it 'going up on reality'. Sometimes I called it 'going up on myself'. This feeling would strike at the darnedest times, the feeling of "What is this?". It was as if my whole brain/mind/feeling complex was passing through a clearing house to be completely reconfigured. Several years later (1980 to be exact) a major life-event occurred that in fact did reconfigure my mind/brain/heart complex and those experiences of unreality or "irreality" - whatever it is to be called - faded. I had moved to New York City and I found my whole sense of reality changed and a hugely productive, fascinating period of learning and self-expression came pouring out of the change. But first I had to put down new roots. I then felt connected and real for years and years. But just recently, back up here in Canada, those strange feelings of being estranged from others, and mostly estranged from myself, have returned - though not with the same disconcerting intensity and dislocation as when I was younger. I have heard others say that they never experienced the strangeness the same way again as when young.

I think it is important to go through these periods because it teaches you not to cling to preconceptions of what "reality" is or is not. If you immerse yourself in these experiences it reminds you that 'reality' is in many ways a 'state of mind'. Even if there are marvelous laws at work which shape our experience of 'reality', nonetheless there is a subjective component that makes reality one's own. There must be times when this subjective component is forced to renew itself just as when a fruit decays back into the seed from which will sprout a new plant that will bear new fruit. But first the seed must put down new roots. It is just before these roots have been put down that the strange feeling of non-reality is strong and weird.

Definitely let yourself pass throught the strangeness. It will lead you to a new order of authenticity. It will give you a freer mind that allows you to sense what makes other people's minds tick. It will allow you to be more open to a wide range of influences, impressions and experiences.

Try not to worry too much. At times it may cause some depression or anxiety. In fact on occasion the anxiety could even be severe. But you will get through it stronger and more open to the diverse nuances that compose the human personality and perhaps even the soul of a person.

When we live too much by the forms of conventionality, we can be ill-equipped for change. So these feelings that you describe, these strange, alien states, teach you not to take any form of cognition, sanity, love, etc, for granted. They let you peek into the void from which all forms that have ever existed arise. They can be priviliged moments that are more positive than negative. So, I do not think you should treat these states as a 'clinical' disorder. They could be made into a disorder if you were to adopt the wrong reaction to them.

You are most certainly not alone. You may be momentarily misunderstood, but don't worry about that. When an authentic person comes along, you will know it and the feelings will be transformed. They can also be transformed by other outlets, like writing, art, music, acting and so forth. Sometimes emotions play a huge role in these bizarre, peculiar states of peeking through the forms. But when you get through these phases - a stranger in one's own skin - the emotions then reassert themselves with even more meaning than before the strangeness. At that point you can also see the notion of "understanding" in a new light. Understanding is not so much a 'thing', as it is a dynamic process, the support that temporarily gives form to the very source that I think is contributing to your current feelings of strangeness. You will be able to intuit the difference between deep understanding and superficial understanding.

One book I read at the time that these episodes were most intense was called The Nausea by Jean Paul Sartre. You know I remember it as quite a good book - very touching in the end. He called this experience 'the transphenomenality of being' because 'reality' kept overflowing the forms that the mind and feelings employed to regulate the forces around and within. In the end it was simplicity and an honest song that grounded the character and let him go on through the strangeness. He stopped fighting it so much - especially with the arrows and the shields called "preconceptions", or deciding in advance what reality should be. In fact reality is a relationship between your personality and the multitude of often unexpected nuances that make up the world around you. It is an interraction that you cannot entirely control without going crazy.

You definitely exist. And things definitely do exist. They are momentarily out of phase. Drink the water anyway and keep going. You will be the richer for it.

All the best for the New Year,

B. Lyons

Answer 2

Sounds like you are experiencing an existential crisis. The earlier explanations just don't work anymore; you are seeing things in a new light, & it's uncomfortably unfamiliar.

I have experienced this many times - it can feel very alienating. In fact, this discomfort was part of what drove me to try to understand my mind, reality and what it is to be a human. Please do not be alarmed - this is a glimpse further into reality than you are used to seeing. Who am I? Am I really here? Who are these people? These questions are fundamental to expanding our understanding to the point of asking "Who is it that's asking the question?"

I found some tools that helped my understand these things in Buddhism. Buddhism is not necessarily a religion in the Western sense; it is more a philosophy which is compatible with other philosophies. You may find things elsewhere which will help you.

One caveat only, but it is HUGE - don't let anyone else's definition or belief system write off YOUR experience. Self-knowledge is the basis of our integrity - if we ignore what we know, we will not only lose time but what's even worse, we may learn to not trust ourselves. That's real delusion! Always trust the self knowledge you have, knowing that tomorrow it may be more.

Good luck my young friend.

Peace on earth,

;-)

Answer 3

Feeling disassociated from "reality" is a common feeling for some people. I have had similar feelings before; I call it an "existential crisis". I feel disassociated and cut off. I have found getting involved with other supportive and positive people is really important to alleviate these feelings. Why don't you make a date with a friend and have some fun today, or see some family. You aren't alone with these feelings.

Answer 4

Seems like not only me who have this feeling. I think it is natural feeling to feel that way sometimes. It happens when you feel lonely and little depressed or stressed out.I have this between now and then and I even feel I'm not in real life or it's a nightmare, even if I have meeting with someone important like my professor or a person I meet for the first time. I beleieve it has something to do with our lives and whether we live hard or easy life. My advise is to give yourself rest and stay alone for a while and reset your mind. Good luck dear.

Answer 5

If you feel insecure and you want to seek counseling, you should not feel ashamed about seeing a therapist. A therapist may be able to pinpoint why you are feeling the way you do.

When I feel scared, I find out what scares me in order that I can stop fearing the unknown ; I try to find a solution so I can stop being scared and instead become more knowledgeable about what I was once scared of. I try to find an answer to my problems so they don't overwhelm me and leave me confused.

Answer 6

You are not the only one. See a doctor. This sounds like depression to me.

Answer 7

I feel the same

Answer 8

I would recommend you read up on it

www.cchr.org

Answer 9

i have similar feelings,,but i choose to just live with it ????????