I asked if it was considered cheating on me if my bf looks at live porn feed. He locks the door on me!?

Question

Because he locks me out when he does it, I get mad! We only have sex like once a month! This is a live person he watches and pays for this subscription! Would this be considered cheating? He is not aware that I know this, I haven't told him that I found out and I have kept this in for a year. I feel like it is cheating! I want this to work out. We used to watch porn together but not live feed. It makes me depressed and I feel so forgotten! Please advise! Thanks

Answer 1

Your boyfriend has a sex addiction. You can go one line and research it. There is help out there but you have to confront him with it and see if he wants to find recovery from this addiction. This is cheating on you. It is lust of the heart and he puts it before your relationship. The sex addict chooses porn over their partner because it is extremely difficult for the sex addict to show emotions and feelings. With the porn he doesn't need to do that. There is no emotion or love involved. The more the addiction goes on the greater the distance from you will become. I would recommend that you do some serious research. There are support groups out there for support of partners with sex addicts. (yahoo groups has a good one). If you stay in the situation as it is now, your self esteem will become destroyed totally and the relationship will deteriorate. Even after some ultimatums, he may still chose the porn over you. No matter what, know that this has nothing to do with you. Once you get him talking you will find out that he had a porn addiction long before you came along and he just didn't share it with you or it has grown worse over the years. I guess you need to look at this addiction as you would a drug addiction or alcohol addiction. Would you stay with him if he would seek help for that problem? This can't be treated any differently. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

You need some help here, sweetie.... hope this answers your question.....

Strictly speaking, hon, he is not cheating on you. He is an addict..... a porn addict. And it is an addiction as is any other... alcohol, gambling, drugs, whatever. The bottom line with addicts, and addictions.... as you have found out... is that they just aren't available.... They are already in a relationship, it's just that it isn't with you!!!!!! And when you see that, you will realize just how hopeless this addiction is. Any psychologist or psychiatrist will tell you that you would stand a better chance of an 'arrest' if the guy were drinking, or gambling..... than if he is addicted to porn. Sorry, sweetie, just true............


Unfortunately, porn addiction is barely even treatable, and never curable. Even an alcoholic having been thru AA will tell you that he is still an alcoholic, just no longer drinking. With porn, they always have a computer.

Answer 3

Sorry, but if you first start to feed something (watching porn together), don't expect things to magically go away. Like my sister in law allowed her husband to go watch strip shows, she said "so long as he looks and doesn't touch". Well, where did this get her? He started to have no real respect for her (in allowing him to do that) and her friends started to become tempting to him, she ended up having to ban a friend from ever coming over there again because of his behaviour around them. Men do not actually respect women who let them carry on this way, but if you let them? Heck they'll go for it.

This is the problem women think that cheating isn't about what goes on in someone's mind or what they watch and it IS. The mind is the entire point of a person. The body is lead by the mind.

If you plant the seed and watch that kind of stuff together, than sorry to say, but what can you expect? Also, men are much more suseptible to the visual stuff than women and can more easily fall into (though somen do as well).

This has gone beyond your control, which is why you are hurt and upset. I think you need to sit down with him and face him about it and start deciding what you really want out of this relationship. Hurt and ongoing suspicion? He has a problem now and a lot of that was fed by the porn you used to watch.

It's got to start somewhere, so of course, he's just going on to bigger and "better' things (in his mind). Drugs usually start with the smaller stuff before they lead to the harder stuff.

And yes, basically it is cheating. It is a recipe for disaster in any relationship. If he doesn't wish to get help and make an effort, then you may be wise to move on. Also his attention is elsewhere, not on you.

My advice is steer clear from porn in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. I speak from experience and have an addiction myself, I now have to avoid it at all costs. It's not something you control by the way, it gets a hold of many people and in the end you become numbed by it and need more to get the same thrill and on it goes.

Answer 4

Sex once a month is not healthy. Live porn feed is also not healthy. Find out from him what happened? Perhaps he isn't satisfy with the current sex. You should speak with him and advise him that you missed making love and watching porns together. Do not spill the beans that you're aware of his live porn fee because that may embarass him and make him feel ashamed. Hear him out and things may get better. Oh, on your question if this is cheating; my answer is no. Its just his way of, perhaps, releasing his frustration and tension.

Answer 5

Watching porn can become an addiction especially if he is locking you out of the room to view the live show. Don't sleep over this situation. Talk to him and see if he will understand your point of view. Volunteer to watch it with him or ask him to perform some of the acts on you. If that doesn't work and he continues to watch porn without you then you need to leave him.

Answer 6

I've been lucky in the fact that my husband has never showed an interest in porn. Sometimes though, I desire a little fun and have thought about purchasing a video for both of us. I don't see the joy in watching alone and I would feels somewhat degraded by his consistentcy of viewing this stuff. He should be getting his fulfillment with you . I'm sure it's just eyecandy ....but still.

Answer 7

First I would say something isn't right with your relationship. No I would not consider it cheating but he should be more interested in your then a porn site. Once a month is crazy. You guys have a lot to work on. You need to figure out if it is even worth it.

Good luck

Answer 8

While, 'technically' he may not consider it cheating, it does sound like it's interfering with your relationship. Take him to task over it, since he effectively spending money on someone else and ignoring you. Tell him how you feel, and tell him what you want done to fix the situation.

Porn is nice, but the 'up close and in person' is far better...

Answer 9

He's got a sex addiction (at least that's what it sounds like). That's a mental illness. It could lead to actual boning if not addressed soon.

The fact he's locking the door.
The fact you are only getting serviced once a month.

Is it cheating, I don't know. Only a professional can really answer that one.

Answer 10

u need to talk to him, and get things straight. he wastes his hornyness on porn and leaves u nothing, which is not right.
TALK TO HIM, and tell him that u know everythin, and see wts wrong with ur sexual life.
tell him that u would reconsider it too, if he was doin this bcz u dont satisfy his needs.
and if he insistes on watchin it. then dont let him touch u again. reject him on the bed. let him knows the difference between porn and a real women.
u can also threaten him by watchin porn too. not bcz u enjoy it, but to tease him, and show him how insultin it is when u forget ur partners touch.
Good Luck