If I were in your boyfriend's shoes, and my initital reaction was that, it would have been because of the surprize and the many thoughts running through my head as to how many things are going to change now because of this baby.
Two basic things can happen in this situation:
First he may just need time to adjust and get over some personal issues in order to be a great father and take care of you and the child. You may need to give him some space so he can talk it over with whomever he talks to. Then try to talk to him yourself and avoid arguments at all costs. You don't want to start such a leap on a bad note. If all he needs is time, give him some, but don't start giving him more and more chances or you will be the one to suffer in the end. Be reasonable for everyones sake.
Second, he could be telling you the truth and be a real asshole. It would be ashame to find out that you were dating someone you loved and they are too shallow or egotistical to love you enough to have a family with you. That would hurt a lot. If he could hurt you that bad then it is time to move on. Don't keep giving changes to him if he is unwilling to work things out. Why try to have someone who doesn't want you? It may seem hard and like the world now looks like a mystery, but you will persevere. Get support from family and friends.
If you are not wanting an abortion, that is your choice and you should have the ability to choose whatever you want to do with something taht effcts your life so much. You can do the adoption, there are two forms of it. One is that you choose the family to adopt the child, and the other is that you don't know anything about who takes the child.
If you want to keep the child, it will not be easy, but the joy and happiness that the baby will give you when they cuddle you, and show you a love you've never seen before from another living being will be worth it. There will be ups and downs but you have to choose what is best for you and the baby. Don't let others mislead you and don't get drawn into relationships too quickly as it could hurt you more then you could imagine.
No one is worth your health, your baby's health, or your future. If your boyfriend is going to be a jerk, he will not change. One thing to always remember is that you CAN NOT change people. They will do what they want!
I hope the best comes out of this, but if he is unreceptive, take your losses now and leave, for they will be less now then in teh future, and you will be able to find someone who better respects you and can be your partner through this. Don't give up.
There are many men who will take care of a girl and her child. I meat my soon to be wife and she had a one year old with a jerk who went to prison for some things he did to her. She met another man who she got too close to too quickly and managed to get her baby taken away temporarily because of things he did. He is in jail as well for molesting another child. Together we got through all that and now the three of us are happy in our home away from all those who want to do harm and are self destructive.
It is not bad to want to meet someone who has goals and a good job because they are more likely to not use you and suck you dry.
One last note, police officers are usually egotistical, and have anger problems. That is what makes them so good at teh job they do.
2006-12-24 10:04:35
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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Kinda late for advice. Its time now for him to step up and be the man/father here and take full responsibility and do the right thing. After all it really doesnt matter how it happened,the important thing here is there is a baby on the way. At 24 hes more than old enough to know the facts of life, and should step up, marry you and be glad to be gaining a family at Xmas time. So stop the blame game and start preparing for the future because that precious little one is about to turn your world upside down whether youre prepared or not . Get together and make some real committments here and take care of the issues now. This is a huge if, if he doesnt want the child and you do ,make sure you put his name as father on the birth certificate as its easier to sue him for child support when time comes. Congrats, good luck and Merry Christmas. Also if you should ever need some legal advice or whatever,please feel free to contact me.
2006-12-24 10:01:13
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answer #2
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answered by Arthur W 7
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I feel your pain. I have been in your boyfriend's shoes before a very long time ago (I was 21). I wasn't so callous though as to tell her that I would not be there for her. We never married and I did voluntarily pay child support. I'm forever grateful that she did not have an abortion. I would have lost all respect for her for killing our (that's right, OUR) unborn child, legal or not.
My daughter is now 20 years old, and even though I didn't see her for years while she was growing up, I am glad to have her back in my life. I'm even a grandfather now, twice. I love being her father and she loves me too. Sometimes we just talk on the phone for hours.
My point is, when we start having sex outside of marriage, it is a calculated risk that this will happen. I would never stoop to the level of murdering an unborn child to avoid the negative ramifications-i.e. the unexpected and unplanned changes to my life and lifestyle. I would just accept and make the best of those changes.
You really should dump the boyfriend, though, because he obviously does not love you. Weigh your options, and try to do the right thing, which is usually not the easiest thing to do.
I wish you the best. I know it is a difficult situation to deal with.
2006-12-24 11:18:06
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answer #3
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answered by Leroy 5
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"We had our little girl in May of 2011. We just weren't financially ready to get married because we wanted the wedding we had dreamed of. Selfish of you,. Or, he let you be selfish, because he did not really want to marry you. "We were sexually active and about a week ago I found out I was pregnant." One horrible mistake after another. You didn't learn to double-up after the first time? Was this the same birth control that already failed you? " That of course escalated everything and we have fought constantly because of the drama I caused. I even found out he went out and was texting other girls, from other people." So why do you say you were causing "drama", when you were right? " He says he already knows the baby isn't his and that I need to stop contacting him. There is no way it is someone else's, as I have not had sex with anyone besides him. I've tried convincing him, nothing works. The paternity test will. If you keep the baby, you slap him with child support demand. " He is the most amazing dad to our little girl. Involved in EVERYTHING. " When she gets older, he will tell her that her mother is a crazy b**h, right? Won't that be fun. "To top things off, last night him and his ex (the one he dated seriously from Feb till a few weeks ago) is back in his life and they are talking. Well of course they are. How much more plainly can he say he does NOT want to be with you? No, he's not coming back. College educations? What on earth were you thinking getting into this mess?
2016-05-23 04:33:20
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answer #4
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answered by ? 4
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I am not a guy, but here ya go. First decide what it is that you want to do. Second, break it off with your bf. I had an unplanned pregnancy and my ex-husband (a policeman) was not happy. He made various threats against the baby and myself- even citing Lacey Peterson and having connections. Officers are notorious for domestic violence and abuse (physical and emotional). Cut your loses, be safe. He's probably worried about his bottom line (his paycheck). Go your separate ways and let him come around in his own time- this may be a few years or never.
Best wishes!
2006-12-24 09:49:13
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answer #5
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answered by rmdybles30 3
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You know what he is scared and only said he wouldn't be there because it is still shocking to him...having a baby is a big responsibility...give him a few days and maybe he will have settled down some...Don't go against what you believe...you will regret it later...you worry about your health and the health of the baby...there are many options out there for you too besides abortion...just don't close any doors this soon...
2006-12-24 09:46:28
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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Dump the crap out of your boyfriend. Keep the baby (even if you don't, still dump the bf, obviously not good enough for you!). He is required to pay child support.
I've been there, many moons ago. My girlfriend had an abortion, then we broke up (due to depression afterwards), and we both regret the decision to this day.
2006-12-24 09:57:16
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answer #7
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answered by prhu83 1
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Well, I must say that there is more options than just having an abortion. There are many couples that cant have children but would love to. You could always consider an open adoption. Good Luck!
2006-12-24 10:29:28
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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i know that you are scared..you should think about what is best for you and your baby now..there are always other options other than abortion..you can give your baby up for adoption..although this may not be the answer you are looking for i hope it gives you strength to understand that you did nothing wrong..you were taking the pill you did your part..find a close friend you can count on..and dump your boyfriend if he doesnt change his attitude..but before you dump him give him some time maybe he was just overwhelmed with the "big news" maybe he'll lighten up..and realize that a baby is a blessing not a burden. <3
2006-12-24 09:40:25
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answer #9
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answered by Patty♥ 2
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Okay you have 3 options.
1. abortion.
2. deliver the baby and give it up for adoption.
3. deliver and keep the baby.
If you decide to keep the baby, just sue for child support and the courts will automatically deduct it from his wages.
Concerning your BF response...that is pretty childish. I would think twice about wanting to bring up a baby with that sort of fatherly influence.
2006-12-24 09:50:59
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answer #10
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answered by Poppet 7
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