I'm thinking about ending my relationship with my fiance - we live together, how can I move out?

Question

Things have changed since we've moved in together over the past year, and I think we spend a lot more time angry than happy with each other. I think he resents me because I don't have a sex drive anymore, not just for him, but at all. We just moved to his home town and got jobs and we haven't really made any friends here - I've tried so many times and for some reason nothing is working. I just graduated college and I miss my family and my friends back home so much, and I'm sure that's a factor, but it's not all of the problem. We are also about to move in with my fiance's parents to save money for our wedding but I think this will only cause more turbulance because we will be living in a small area and we have no social outlet and won't be wanting to spend money to get out of the house. I think it might be better that I leave now, before we make promises out of obligation or something, but I have lot of debt and can't afford living on my own. Please help, I just don't know what to do.

When I say just moved to his home town, it's been a year.

We also acrrued the debt I have together, but it's all under my name because at the time I had better credit. Student loans, credit car bills, and car payments will eat my paycheck alive. I'd be able to move in with my parents, but I just don't think I can put that kind of burden on them - my younger sister is 19 and causes enough drama for them already, and I don't want to come back home to them miserable, and make my parents more upset.

I'm not going to stay with him because I'm financially bound to him. We've been together almost 5 years and I can't just throw that away with both hands so quickly. I am worried about finances but that's definitely not up there on my top 10 list. And yes, I'd agree that talking to complete strangers about this instead of my fiance is a silly step, however, he won't discuss things with me, it's just "I'm through with this conversation."

Answer 1

You need to sit down and discuss your feelings with him. It sounds like you arent ready to make a marriage committment yet. Moving in with his parents would be a mistake. it would add alot more stress and complications to your situation. Discuss things with him. If you still feel you need to move out do it. Can you stay with your parents for a while? Find a roomate to share a place with if not. As far as the sex drive goes... get a physical exam to make sure you dont have some chemical or hormonal imbalance. Then try seeing a counselor. You just need to get your thoughts and feelings together and figure out what you really want. good luck

Answer 2

Sounds like you have a real mess on your hands and my heart goes out to you. But its not the end of the world. You know as well as i that if you move out now since you both put all the debt in your name he will stick you with it. If its all that bad save some money back then when you move out file a chapter 13 that way it gets paid for and in 6 or 7 years your name will still be ok. your right though there is no way to live in a very unhappy relationship. Sounds like the fire has already died down before it got anywhere. So your making the right choice. Its easier to get married then it is a divorce.

Answer 3

it may be to your advantage to move back home to your parents until you can regroup and rethink what you really want out of life. Certainly acquiring a lot of debt right out of college is not the way to start out. I'm sure the debt has also impacted your relationship. You need to learn to live within your means and get rid of the debt. Staying together when you are struggling and fighting only adds to your stress. You may genuinely love each other but the peripheral issues are getting in the way. By going home, you may be able to focus on your love and goals more and if your love doesn't survive the seperation, then maybe it wasn't really love but just a sense of obligation. In any case, you don't want to marry for that reason ... you need to have common interests and goals for a successful marriage.

Answer 4

I have to agree with the others above. It will take great courage, but you need to make the move. You may be able to offer help at home with mom, dad and sister. I suppose that this is the point of living together, but the statistics show that those who live together first before marriage have very low percentages of happy marriages. You are learning this before making that lifelong commitment.
Stress does have an effect on sex drive, the primary one being that you do not seem to love this man anymore. Your heart is telling you something important here. Please listen to it.
Your stress level will be even higher if you stay with this man.

Answer 5

There must be 50 ways to leave your lover. A few good ideas include:
just slipping "out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee"

Seriously, this has happened to nearly everyone I know. I think you might want to give it more time. Make sure you get out of the house and interact with people who could be friends. You can be committed without feeling dependent and trapped.

Answer 6

Go home beautiful. If it isn't working now with no obligations such as babies, mortages, medical bills how do you think it will work once these come around.
You are lucky you see the clear road now. I would just pack my bags and inform him o fyour decision. Tell him it isn't working out and you have no intention of prolonging the inevitable or making an even more serious mistake like babies, instanct long terms bills, and obligations that come with babies.

If he isn't happy with you or you with him sexually that will not get better.
Your sex drive is probly stress related due to the stressful situation you are in. Once you leave, and relocate and began to pick up the epice sof your life your sex life should improve.

Answer 7

Things are looking gloomy for you and you are not even married yet. If you get married finances will be your biggest problem and that can put a strain on a marriage. What if you get married and the two of you can not save enough money to move out? Then you really be frustrated with yourself. You should really talk to him and make sure you are not getting married for the wrong reasons. You do not want to regret your decision.

Answer 8

Thats a tough one. you sound pretty close to your family, so i would suggest moving nearby them. have you kept in touch with any of your old freinds? do they need a roommate? or could you stay with your parents until you figure out what you are going to do? If you have any major doubts about a relationship, then its not meant to be. Its gonna be rough, so before you move out, make sure you are not going to regret it, even if it turns out to be a mistake. remember, everything happens for a reason. good luck

i just read your comment, and maybe moving back with your parents would make it easier on them. you could help mentor your sister, do some housework, etc.

Answer 9

Ok - this is going to be tough for you to hear but SUCK IT UP and move out. Your financial responsibilities are just that... yours. Take control of your life and make yourself happy even if it means things will be hard for awhile - many people believe that bills are the end of the world. They cant take away your birthday after all. Are you ready to pretend to be in love with someone just for financial reasons?

Answer 10

If you can't live together for a year and still be happy together then you probably should end it before it gets too bad. I think maybe you should be talking to him about this not asking a bunch of complete strangers on the internet.