My husband says he is in love with me but not in lust with me?

Question

I just had our second son and have some weight gain.
I think I'm ready to move on but he says he is not ready to let me go. I'm confused.

Answer 1

It means you have to do what it takes to get back into shape and be a sex object to your husband. I really don't mean to sound shallow. I know you are busy with your children, but being pleasing to your husband is your first responsibility. It is his first responsibility as well to be pleasing to you. Your children will grow and began to do things on their own leaving more time for you and your husband to spend with each other. When it gets to that point, you two both need to still be in love and lust with each other. In the meantime, I hope your husband is patient with you and he doesn't resort to other women or pornography to take the place of being in lust with you. God bless you.

Answer 2

OK,
You say he told you that he is "In love with you, not in lust with you", right? Well honey, depending on how you wanted this to turn out, this is a great thing! If you love this guy and want to stay with him then I should say that you MAY have misunderstood what he meant by what he said. How I understood it is a good thing. He said he's in love with you, not in lust! which means that he doesn't just want you in the sack! He wants you because he LOVES you girl! So the question is Do you love him? The reason I'm asking is because you said you thought you were ready to move on. Geez, that didn't take much! You need to put some serious thought into this thing. Back to the question. I do believe you misunderstood your Husbands words and didn't catch his meaning. I could be wrong, but that's what I'm gettin' here. Hope I was of some help.
Your friend on line, Terry

Answer 3

It could also mean that he does love you, but after the second baby with all the changes your body has been through it is harder for him to be as attracted to you as he once was. I'm pregnant, and my body is changing, and as true to tone, it has freaked my husband out. I do however think that he should be supportive now, as you havent even had any time to really shed the weight yet. You two need to sit down and talk realistically about your relationship. If you two decide to stay together, he has to be more considerate of your feelings. If you guys decide to part, you will need to part on good terms for the sake of both of your children. BUT ~ Neither of you should let some weight gain, or lack of it be the judgement for wether you two should call it quits or not. Put it into perspective. Do you both love each other? Do you spend quality time together? Do you trust each other? Can you talk to each other? Stuff like that. Good luck, honey.

Answer 4

Lose some weight and exercises and try to get back down the way you were when you first met him. He isn't saying he wants a divorce he is saying lust after you. That I guess is a nice way to say get off of your fat a** and stop eating all the time lose some weight where we can hit the sack together in the same bed.
To Lust means to have some great sex with you like it use to be. He doesn't find you right now sexual attractive. Hit them scales and start making them go down, down,. Then he'll get up, up, up.

Answer 5

There are many good responses above. I agree that both of you have some work to do to reassure each other. Please do not let the arrival of children hamper your relationship. He does need to understand and be patient with you being a mom to an infant and he needs to pitch in as well as love you for who you are just now. Perhaps, walks as a family can be quality time together and a bit of exercise as well. Pull those strollers out, bundle up and enjoy the winter outside.
I do not see this situation, as you describe it, as one that calls for divorce. Stick it out and show lots of love. You will be surprised that it comes back.

Answer 6

Post pardom depression could be the issue here. Lower your calorie intake if you want to lose weight. If you're nursing, see your doctor before going on any type of diets. If not, 1500 calories per day (max) should be your limit. Lower your intake of fatty foods (but don't omit completely), such as fast-food and starches (breads, pastas, cereals, rice, fried foods, gravies/condiments/toppings/dressings/etc., and potatoes/potato products. When you're hungry, eat meats, fruits, vegetables, nuts, dairy products (such as cheese and yogurt), and poultry.

Eat your starches in the morning or scatter them among the day. You're basically decreasing your servings from the bread group from 5-6 servings to 2-3 servings. If you're really serious, you can lower it to 1-2. I recommend eating at least two servings of starches/carbs per day. Your body needs this, but in excess - it's stored as fat. Naturally, decreasing your starches/carbs to what "you only need" as opposed to what "you need and more". Your body gets what it needs to function while your stored fat is used to burn the carbs you're taking in.

I lost 70 lbs over a seven - month period. It was gradual and healthy, which is what doctors recommend.

You're tired, aren't you? This too, will pass. When you start sleeping normally again, you'll feel better about life and about your marriage. After a new baby arrives, regardless of what number of baby it is, everyone's routine get's interupted. Post pardom depression -combined with this kind of disruption to one's routine -is enough to make you feel lousy. Think about that before you make any wild, crazy, and/or permanent decisions.

Good luck.

Answer 7

marriage isn't suppose to be about lust, he is basing how he feels by the weight, meaning he is a very shallow person. next time ask him who he is in lust with, must be somebody he has in mind, and he is not ready for divorce, as he isn't yet sure of the other woman, and doesn't want to burn his bridges with u until he is for cert in. just a very immature man who is looking for something unrealistic, as he doesn't understand when we have kids that we do gain weight. just a jerk.

Answer 8

He's being selfish. He doesn't want to let you go out of fear of not finding someone new for himself. We all gain weight at some point in our lives. Our mates should love us unconditionally. It's not that uncommon for the "lust" to disappear out of marriages. Sometimes it's there and sometimes it's not. But, both have to try to keep the flame going.

Answer 9

He is not ready to move on because he hasn't got a girl in his bed yet. Give him a month and I am sure he will find some desperate female willing to bed him.

Answer 10

Leave girl. Leave. Or hit the gym and get back in shape. I left my assholic husband. Now all the guys are falling for me. Never felt more attractive in my life! Get out of that crap.