Confused...?

Question

All my life I have felt out of place in a female body. I'm told I'm very attractive, and that I could very easily be a knockout type of gal, but it doesn't feel right to me.

I was mistaken for a boy from age 6-13, when I started showing a little around the chest.

I feel very comfortable in traditional male roles. I feel that I understand men more than women. I have forgotten my own gender at times.

However, I'm a heterosexual female. I enjoy being the woman in the relationship, but when I'm not with him, I want to be a dude.

I still have some minor differentiation issues with my twin -she went hypergirly, I went hypertomboy- so change will be slow and difficult. I also have nowhere private, so I can't really hide anything or slowly get used to it.

Don't just tell me I'm a freak. I need help.

The relationship is nonsexual and will remain so.

If it isn't obvious, I want to learn how to become more feminine or find a support group or find out what's wrong with me.

Answer 1

Maybe your just a tomboy. Nothin' wrong with that.

Answer 2

You write that you wish to “find out what's wrong with” (yourself)?
First off, and most important, there is NOTHING wrong with you.

Gender identity / gender role / sexual identity:

Gender identity may be affected by a variety of social structures, including the person's ethnic group, employment status, religion or irreligion, and family.

A gender role is a set of behavioral norms associated particularly with males or females, in a given social group or system. Most researchers recognize that the concrete behavior of individuals is a consequence of both socially enforced rules and values, and individual disposition, whether genetic, unconscious, or conscious. Some researchers emphasize the objective social system and others emphasize subjective orientations and dispositions.

During the 1950s and '60s, psychologists began studying gender development in young children, partially in an effort to understand the origins of homosexuality (which was still viewed as a mental disorder at the time).

Scientists have sought to discover and describe the biological processes involved in the formation of sexual identities. A large array of factors have been hypothesized as being determinative, but there is as yet no settled view on these matters.

One of the prior answers suggests that you need to “start trying to figure out whether you are cool the way you are”. Personally, I would have chosen other words, but he is right. The society that you live in has radically changed over the years, and today you have opportunities that were never available to your parents, grandparents and beyond. If you are truly unhappy as you are, I would recommend you investigate professional consultation after some time of deep introspective contemplation. But my personal thought, is that you “learn to love yourself” as you are, before making any fundamental decisions about change.

This may not be one of my more articulate answers, but I do feel that yours is one of the more important questions I have seen here. I hope you find some answers and all the happiness that you do deserve!

Answer 3

If you haven't tried it yet, look up a support group near you on the Internet. Just be careful cause some of them are nutcases that are just bad cults (yes, there are some good cults). Have you tried dragging/cross-dressing? That might help a bit. But the thing you need to do the most is find a private place. Everybody needs some private place to go to as a sanctuary.

Answer 4

I'm the other side of your story. I was born male, but identify as female. It's been a bit of a problem as when I was younger, transgenderism was much more frowned upon.

I'd recommend a support group to investigate your feelings. Some therapists help as well, if they have training in gender identity disorders.

Please take the time to look for transgender support groups in your area, and you might want to talk to the community mental health center to see if they could refer you to a counselor who deals with gender identity issues.

If you want help with research, give me an email.

Answer 5

This is certainly not uncommon. It sounds to me like you are what is known as a gay transman- that is, a female-bodied male who is attracted to men. There are a lot of them out there (it's a myth that there are more male-to-female transsexuals than female-to-male; they are merely more well-known), and there's even an FtM lurking on Yahoo! Answers somewhere, used to (still does?) go by the name 'Mad Scientist'- really nice guy, good answers on female-to-male transsexuality.

Anyhow, it sounds like you are quite clear cut in your gender identity- you feel comfortable in male roles, understand men, have forgotten your own gender, and haven't gone through any much confusion on this matter. That's very lucky! It seems the only point that's throwing you off is your sexual orientation, and believe me, it throws a lot of people.

Way back when, it used to be thought that you were only gender dysphoric (trapped in the wrong body) if you liked the same sex. For example- they let gay men transition to women, and lesbians to men, but a straight man or woman couldn't have a sex change. After all- why would they? Don't they already like the opposite sex? Since then, we've had a big shift, and now realize that there's a difference between who you are (gender identity) and who you want to sleep with (sexual orientation). In fact, Lou Sullivan (R.I.P.), an early FtM, actually pioneered this by being the first gay transman to get permission to transition even though he (she at the time) was sexually attracted to men. It's a really big deal, and now we have lots of gay transmen and lesbian transwomen, which is fantastic.

At this point in time, you have a couple of options. You can start trying to figure out whether you are cool the way you are, or if you're going to need to change your sex. Either one is fine- there are lots of non-op, non-hormone taking transsexuals, but a lot feel the need to at least have hormones and take on a male identity instead of a masculine female one. That's up to you to decide, but talking to a gender counselor is always advisable, particularly if you think you might want to transition- you'll have to be with them for a while and get a written permission to have a doctor prescribe testosterone. And if you decide it's not for you, then it's been some help, too.

I suggest looking up gay transmen online and reading up about them or talking to some. I don't know how old you are, but there's a lot of material out there about them now, and even a pornographic film depicting 'trannyf*g' sexuality, of FtM's with biological men, "Trannyf*gs" by Morty Diamond.

Whatever you do, good luck, and know that you're not alone!

Answer 6

PFLAG TNET focuses on support for transgender people and their parents, families, and friends; education on transgender facts and issues; and advocacy for equal rights for the transgender community at local and national levels. Now I am not quite sure that your a transgender but in a way you sound as if you may have the tendencies. If anything here is a website that you can contact and speak to someone and they will be able to answer your questions. PFLAG stands for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. I am a PFLAG Mom.

http://www.pflag.org/PFLAG_s_Transgender_Network.tnet.0.html

Answer 7

there is nothing wrong with you sweetheart. You just have not found yourself yet. Sometimes it takes time to really find who we are just give a little time to the time and be yourself. Soon enough you will realize what you really want and can make a decision. In the mean time just take it easy don't pressure yourself. Good Luck !!!

Answer 8

you are not a freak. you seem normal to me. if you feel that you know more about guys than women, then maybe you should be a man if thats what you want. and dont be afraid to show it ok. pleaze just dont worry about it

Answer 9

hy hons gay boyfriends daviie and steeviie, you dont have a problem hons your just a tom boy with something caled a inferorr, complexx hons. your okay. you are no freak hons belive us just a inferorr complex.

Answer 10

You are a tomboy..........don't worry about it, because you will change and grow a little at a time as you get older......we ALL do....And you will reach the time when you feel perfect in your own skin........

Trust Me!

Answer 11

So, your a tomboy. You don't sound like a freak at all. I can't even make out why you think it is a problem.