My fiance and I have been together and lived together for 3 XMas's. This year, he went shopping last minute and bought me 3 things, all very little. I shopped over the course of the year, remembering things he wanted and asked for in conversation, and sneaking back and buying them. We don't even have a tree this year - he was too "tired" after work for 2 weeks to go with me and get one. I feel terrible for being upset about it, but Christmas used to be a big holiday for us, and now it feels like a bother for him. Christmas is my favorite time of year, for religious and family reasons, and I feel like he's being a scrooge with money, gifts and spirit. How would you approach this, now and next year?
2006-12-24 08:12:41 · 4 answers · asked by Meggerz 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Other - Holidays
For those suggesting I get the tree myself and decorate it, I'm disabled and unable to do that. That would have been important to mention; its not that I don't want to, but I wouldn't be able to load a tree into my car, get it out and set it up myself.
Great answers so far !
2006-12-24 09:12:33 · update #1
This question is concerning to me. Often, it is not just 1 day that a person treats his partner this way. His actions are showing a lack of concern and love for your feelings and needs.
So you need to ask yourself, Is this just Christmas, or is this how he has been treating me. If it is just Christmas, then good. Talk to him. Ask what is wrong. Tell him how he hurt your feeling this year and remind him how much you love the day and how much you two loved the day together. Find out what has changed and how you can help make his Christmas better too.
If his actions toward you have regularly declined to this state, then I fear there is a greater underlying problem that you need to address ASAP. You need to talk without accusing, but by sharing your feelings and fears of what has been happening. If you can, get a relationship counselor. They can often help up get to the true feelings and issues we are facing.
It is painful, but you need do discuss whichever issue is happening as soon as possible. And don't forget to stand up for yourself. You deserve a loving and thoughtful husband just has he deserves a loving a thoughtful wife. But a disregard for your feelings and happiness is no way to enter a marriage, because (believe me) saying "I Do" will not fix any problems.
2006-12-26 02:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by Squirtle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many people get depressed around Christmas. Maybe this is the case with your fiance. Ask him how he would like to celebrate. Maybe a tree really was too much trouble for him, even though you really wanted one. You could have gotten one and decorated it yourself: then you both would have a tree! You'd be able to enjoy it and he wouldn't have had to do the work. Maybe you could make your own Christmas tradition like watching a special movie (doesn't have to be Christmas-themed) or giving each other new pajamas to wear to bed on Christmas Eve. (Just a thought.) And keep in mind that "little" presents can be good, such as jewelry! :)
As part of a couple, not everything is about *you*. You need to consider how your fiance is feeling too: he might be tired or depressed or just not "into" Christmas this year. It's disappointing to you, but try to be understanding of how he's feeling.
I hope you have a happy Christmas!
2006-12-24 08:26:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because they are small doesn't mean that they aren't thoughtful. Try talking to him about how much the holiday means to you and that you are disappointed about the lack of a christmas tree. You could have gotten a tree without him.
2006-12-24 08:22:47 · answer #3 · answered by Just Jess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a mistletoe and KISS HIM
2006-12-24 08:18:55 · answer #4 · answered by Mary 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋